MEQUON, Wis. (Camp Day 5/late report)

So, talk-show host Rush Limbaugh is interested in buying the Rams. If he persuades Chip Rosenbloom to sell (extremely unlikely), should we expect that:

*Al Saunders would not be permitted to make liberal use of his playbook?

*Steven Jackson would be ordered to run right only?

*The team would get a volume discount on painkillers?

*Dick Cheney would be put in charge of the shotgun formation?

*St. Louis fans never would have to worry about the team moving back to the Left Coast?

*The Melonheads of old would resurface as Dittoheads.

*Jim Haslett would get an unlimited budget to beef up the defense? (But he’d have to report to Donald Rumsfeld.)

*Marques Hagans would never, ever line up at quarterback again?

*The Rams’ most loyal fans would be known as Neocon Nation.

*The Edward Jones Dome would be renamed “Conservative Coliseum”? (Unless Al Franken purchased the naming rights, in which case it might be the “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot Arena.”

Just wonderin’ . . .

<><><>

The Steven Jackson Watch:

*Days out: 5

*Practices missed: 7

*Fine total: $75,000

<><><>

Notes & quotes:

>>Newly signed DT Henry Smith was given No. 54, which normally would go to a linebacker (it’s Brandon Chillar’s old number). But because of injuries, the Rams didn’t have any jerseys left with the usual defensive lineman numbers.

>>New K Josh Brown nailed a 61-yard field goal during special-teams drills, and the wind wasn’t helping him.

>>T Orlando Pace is increasing contact incrementally. He still hasn’t taken part in the rugged one-on-one matches.

>>DT Adam Carriker, limited early in camp, appears to be full-go now.

>>It seems as if second-year WR Derek Stanley produces a head-turning catch every day. He made a leaping, twisting grab in the end zone Tuesday on the last play of practice.

>>Rookie DTs Vernon Bryant and Willie Williams have impressed with their raw strength.

>>Just visiting: John Clayton of ESPN.

>>Be sure to click here to see Chris Lee’s camp photos.

All for now . . . more Wednesday from two-a-days.