JUPITER, Fla. — When working my way through the St. Louis Cardinals clubhouse with The P-DQ this spring training, many of his teammates have suggested that, “Oh, you’ve got to try this Todd.” Todd being the clubhouse Colonel, the bluegrass conservative and starting pitcher Todd Wellemeyer.

On Wednesday morning, I pulled up a stool — Josh Kinney’s stool, to be precise — next to Wellemeyer’s locker and asked him the handful of questions that make up The P-DQ. With most who have done it, starting with CC Sabathia and continuing since, it takes about 4 minutes, and usually no more than 6. Wellemeyer pondered each answer and needed more than 12 minutes to run through the list. That gave his teammates plenty of time to gather around and offer suggestions or snarky remarks.

Sure, enough Wellemeyer delivered on his teammates’ promises. Pull up a stool and wrap your mind around his answers to The P-DQ. And check the ending, where something happened so perfectly timed that Adam Wainwright said it was a sign and Wellemeyer asked what time it was so that he could remember the moment this metaphorical lightning struck.

***

Advice you received from a parent that has stayed with you is …

To each his own.

“South Park” or “The Simpsons”?

South Park

A memorable Christmas or holiday gift you received is …

Cabbage Patch Kid, Jack Radford. Football player. No hair. Bald. Nice guy. I think my nephews still have him.

The word or phrase you use too often is …

“Yeah, where?”

Favorite superhero?

Can Captain Picard be a superhero? Then Jean-Luc Picard.

Best baseball movie?

“Bull Durham”

Your greatest achievement?

Ever? Of all time? Of all achievements? Out of my thousands of achievements that I obtain every day — and then to name one of those achievements? I would have to put that as … I had perfect attendance from kindergarten through eighth grade.

Your current state of mind?

Right now? How about nothing moving … the mind is just … idle.

Your greatest extravagance or indulgence?

Video games.

Favorite ballplayer growing up?

Nolan Ryan.

First car?

Pontiac Grand Prix, 1988

Current car?

BWM 650

The place you’ve got to visit before you die …

The moon.

Who would be in your Fave Five?

Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, Michael Savage, Sean Hannity, Tiger Woods.

The most embarrassing song on your iPod?

Nu Shooz, “I Can’t Wait”

Movie you’ll stop to watch whenever it comes on TV?

“Zoolander”. Because that’s always on, and I always watch it every time.

Sing in the shower or in the car?

Car.

You know you’re in the minors when …

When every meal consists of peanut butter.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

An anti-gravity like room, where you could do anything you want. That’s happiness. That would be where you don’t have to do anything, just watch whatever you want on television, and just hang there.

Your greatest fear?

Loss of freedom.

Your treasured possession?

I have a dog I treasure, Opie. A terrier. He had red hair when he was a kid. He’s 14. Sleeps a lot now.

I wish I knew how to …

I wish I knew more about carpentry.

And with that the screws fall out of his stool, the top of it comes loose and Wellemeyer tumbles back into his locker as the stool comes apart. Wellemeyer vows to learn more about carpentry immediately.

***

Previous P-DQ: Adam Wainwright … CC Sabathia … Skip Schumaker … David Wright … Brian Barton … Ryan Ludwick. … Ryan Franklin. … Brad Lidge … Chris Carpenter. … Brandon Phillips.

-30-