Is guilt really a Jewish thing?
So I’m on this committee, well I’m on about 17 committees, but the one I’m going to talk about is in the process of planning an event for Jewish women. The Jewish Federation has a division called “Women’s Connection” whose purpose is to literally connect Jewish women through social, educational and spiritual programs. (A previous post of mine about the fashion show was put on by the same group.) This particular night we’re planning falls under the educational, and I suppose, social umbrella. And the topic for the evening: Jewish guilt.
After about 52 emails, several phone calls and one reschedule, we had our first committee meeting today. As we began discussing our topic, and all the aspects of guilt one could talk about, it seemed that two hours would hardly be enough time to say our hellos, introduce our speakers, show our kitschy video clips, facilitate our discussions, and eat our kosher desserts.
When it comes to guilt, there is a lot to talk about. Its history, how it hurts us, how it helps us, and how to let it go. Surely people who aren’t Jewish feel guilty too. Right? But do others analyze their guilt the ways that Jews supposedly do? Hopefully I’ll be able to speak/write more authoritatively on the topic after the event.
I know that I’m greatly affected by feelings of guilt. Guilt associated with working while raising two kids, guilt about the phone calls/emails/blogging or whatever else I’m doing in the evening when my husband gets home, and guilt related to taking time for myself when I have others who depend on me…I could go on and on and on. But is that because I’m Jewish? I don’t think so. Is there something special about Jewish guilt? Do we as Jews put this stereotype on ourselves or do others feel this way about us?
Your thoughts?
*My ironic footnote: This event, which I am co-chairing, happens to fall on the night of my daughter’s fourth birthday. And yes, I’m feeling guilty about that too.
Kim Wallis, 33, currently facilitates Rosh Chodesh groups for Jewish teenage girls in the St. Louis area. A graduate of the University of Miami, she worked in asset management for several years and now teaches Pilates part-time. Originally from Chicago, Kim is starting to feel at home in St. Louis with her husband, toddler daughter and infant son. 
Oh, Kim, as a working mother myself (I know, aren’t we all?), I can completely relate to all your examples of feeling guilty. Which makes me wonder: is it less about being Jewish and more about being a woman? Or does being a Jewish woman impose a double burden? Yikes!
I grew up Roman Catholic, another religious group famous for its supposedly heavy emphasis on guilt. But honestly, I don’t feel any more or less plagued by guilt now that I’m an Episcopalian! Mostly I find that when I start to feel guilty, that’s a good signal to myself to examine my conscience, to think about what is going on in my life or in my thoughts that is causing that sense of unease. Sometimes, upon examination, I realize that my feeling of guilt is unfounded, based mostly on my perfectionism and tendency to be too hard on myself. That’s when I need to laugh it off and relax. But other times I find that those guilty feelings are a good indicator that I really have gotten off course, that something in my life needs adjusting.
Often, the only way I can tell the difference between the two is to have a heart-to-heart talk with a friend or spiritual director or priest.
I think your event will be great fun and I look forward to hearing what insights you garner from it.
Every group has their little quirks (for lack of a better word), be it a race, a religion, a gender, a state, a county, a section of a county, a family, so forth and so on. What’s interesting is the ones that each group recognize and talk about. Nothing unhealthy about that.