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05.21.2008 8:34 pm

Have you booked your fanny facial?

St. Louis Post-Dispatch

This summer’s sexiest accessory has been declared. It is the butt.

According to the style mavens at Shape Magazine (which has as vested interested in making your feel self-conscious about your bottom line), low cut waistlines are designed to showcase a cleavage of a different kind.

“There’s a trend of backless dresses cut ‘down-to-there’, Brazilian cut swimsuits and undergarments built with a little padding to help you fill out those jeans. No matter where you turn this summer, it’s all about the booty,” reads the latest press release from the fitness focused-publication.

I’m not sure that I agree, but I am very intrigued by Shape Magazine’s executive style director, Jacqui Stafford’s dish on all the tricks of trade the celebrities will be using this summer to make their backsides look smooth, firm and ready for this summer’s hottest fashions. Some of her secrets include . . .

The Fanny Facial - Gaining popularity from coast to coast, it’s just like your typical facial only it’s not for your face. Renee Zellweger and Ali Larter are reported to be fans of this unique treatment that tones, de-blemishes, massages and polishes the behind.

Check out this transcript of a report from Fort Lauderdale on the fanny facial. Apparently, we’ve all be neglecting our best summer asset.

VelaShape – the first FDA approved non-invasive treatment to smooth cellulite and reduce the circumference of the thighs using a combination of heat, infrared light and massage. As seen on Rachael Ray and Dr. Phil, VelaShape smoothes out the lumps and bumps in only four treatments.

Sky High Stilettos – According to Shape, those comfy ballet flats make look cute on your feet, but they do nothing for your profile. When you want to stand out, balance on your tallest pair of Christian Louboutin’s instead. High heels not only do wonders for your derriere, but your legs will look longer, leaner and more toned.

Squats, Lunges and Thrusts – Forget the fancy, new fangled uber-stylish products from the informercials. Grab some weights, step and dip.

And in the it’s better to fake it than not have it category. Shape proposes…

Temporary Enhancers – Padded undergarments such as Bubble Buns Padded Boyshorts feature patent –pending removable lightweight foam pads that turns a flat profile into realistic curves.

and

Brazilian Butt Lift/Butt implants – This permanent surgical procedure promises a more youthful, prominent, more perky buttocks. Fat is removed from other areas of the body and injected into the upper quadrant of the cheeks or silicone implants can be placed as well.

Hmmm, we here at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch are not fans of any life endangering procedures, so exercise your own judgment before taking such drastic measures. Or, seriously, just exercise, and book your fanny facial.

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Doing the Butt…ahh…sexxy sexxy…aint nothing wrong if you wanna do the butt all night long…WAX EM!

— Lonely in the Lou
11:00 pm May 21st, 2008