Now, both are in a kids’ movie called “Nim’s Island,” and it’s every bit as bad as you might imagine.

Foster is agoraphobic, which is a concept that flew right over the youngsters’ heads. Mine kept asking why Foster was so afraid to leave the house, making me wonder if we were in a theater or a counseling session. I wanted to shove Foster’s backside out the door so we could get on with the lame plot. Half way through, I started coveting the Mac equipment that they were using to send e-mail back and forth.

My mood shifted when our heroin headed to the Cook Islands. Hey, I spent a week there so I thought the scenery might justify my time. But what I saw on film was more reminiscent of Tijuana than Rarotonga.

In all fairness, one of my young movie critics gave it a seven out of 10 and the other gave it an eight. Both thought it was funny when Foster vomited and later banged her head into a tree.

So let’s summarize. Good: Underwater photography, flying lizards, Mac equipment. Bad: Everything else.

In his review, my colleague Joe Williams said the movie was a shipwreck. That’s like saying the Titanic took on some water.