This week, I write about how boyhood has changed — adventure has given way to computers, television and video games. You can read the story here. How much have parents contributed to the changing nature of boyhood? And how can we reclaim it?
The days that boys could go around the block and climb trees and hang out with the neighbors or just act like the little ruffians God intended them to be are gone. Welcome to the new world: parents paralyzed by fear, petrified by child molesters, and obsessed with germs and scratches. My boy will never know what its like to build a clubhouse from scrap wood with the neighborhood kids, or run around with his friends looking to get into some kind of trouble. Instead we have PSPs and the internet. We have 24 hour cartoon channels and hanna montana. what kind of world have we created for our kids? We have robbed them of them childhood. Instead, we have an artificial facade of mind-numbing abstractions that distance the kids from each other and from themselves.
Why are we singling out one gender to be physical, adventurous, and curious? I remember being discouraged from being so as a girl, and I hated it. I see young girls still being discouraged from being active and asking questions- by their parents, mostly- and it sickens me, for so many reasons.
Haven’t we listened to any adults who have said how being pushed into a specific direction as a kid because of gender, class, race, etc., was frustrating in the least? And why are people willing to say ‘God’ wants a certain role based on sex, but not race or class? In other words, why is sexism still so acceptable?? Working with the public, I see boys encouraged to be more or less violent, while the parents watch, amused- why aren’t they fast-forwarding 10 years and seeing how condoning hyper aggression isn’t funny at all?? I understand enjoying adventure when you’re young & remembering it fondly, but I don’t see the point (or innocence) in saying it’s only for boys.
That said, I do believe both genders are coddled from reality to the point of danger. If kids are raised to think the world is padded and comfortable and are never allowed to get hurt- for instance, rubber bits instead of rocks on the playground- where will they learn the real threats? There is no doubt in my mind that there is a direct correlation between hyper-protective parents and, for instance, young hikers who go into wilderness unprepared and die. Or people who swim in extremely dangerous and unpredictable waters and end up drowning. Or skiers or snowboarders who go out in extremely dangerous conditions and think they’ll be ok. Examples aren’t hard to find. However, maybe they’re being so laughably coddled because their own parents were brought up apart from real danger as well. At any rate, I don’t think the world is any more dangerous than before- but it is getting smaller, with more and more people, and I guess people will just have to adapt, as people tend to do. Either that, or, say, decide to surf for the first time in 30 ft waves and die…
I love the last line- “Moms want…a clubhouse — safely ensconced in a suburban chain bookstore. ”
Yes, our kids have a different childhood than we did, as was our parent’s generation different from ours. The trick is not to get sucked in by what the kids always want; rather, to try to expose them to experiences other than tv and video games.
And how’s this for a kicker. Instead of our kids going outside to play with their neighbors, we enroll them in kid workout gyms, paying up to $500 for 12 sessions, and spending Saturday morning driving them to and from in our gas-guzzling SUV’s. While there, we sit behind the glass window, and instead of watching them, our eyes are glued to the tv set, showing a other kids (college athletes) playing the weekly basketball game.
I wanted to suggest another alternative for the creative outlets for boys - a robotics or Lego team.
Many families get involved because it is fun and rewarding for parents and the kids.
My husband and I are mentors to a robotics team (ages 14-18) who start building a robot in January (along with many other projects that include 3-d animation, website design), then ship it off for 3 days of intensive competition with 46 other regional teams. Most of the participants are boys (but there are a few all girl teams).
Our team is one of 1100 teams in the US, part of FIRST (www.usfirst.org ) started by Dean Kamen (think Segway). He feels that too much emphasis is placed on kids getting into sports and becoming professional athletes which is very difficult to do and thinks more kids should be looking into science and engineering careers. The competition is one way to show kids how to be smart, creative, work in teams and learn something that they’ll never forget.
The St. Louis Regional competition for this short, hectic 6 week season is Feb 28th, 29th and March 1st. It’s at the Family Arena, free and open to the public and it runs from 9am until 4pm. The competition is a cross between a rock concert and a championship sporting event -
For more info about our team or to get info about a Lego team (for 9-14 yr olds) contact us at http://www.rivercityrobots.org.
Come check it out and talk to the kids. The energy and enthusiasm is a sight to behold.