With my first child, it took days for my milk to come in (a combination of high blood pressure & c-section). On the second night in the hospital, he screamed and screamed because he was so hungry. The nurses kept bringing him in telling me “he’s hungry” and I was under the impression that if I gave him formula and bottle that soon, then our breastfeeding would be doomed so I refused any suggestion of formula or sugar water. I was so frazzled by the next morning I was almost ready to throw in the towel, afraid that I would starve my son because I was so determined to breastfeed. After that horrible night, an angel of a nurse, who was also a lactation specialist, came in and advised supplementing formula, just a half an ounce or so, until the milk came in. She made me feel so much better and assured me that if we were patient and calm, things would work out. On the fifth day, my milk came in and I nursed him for six months (he weaned himself as soon as he discovered that there were other foods out there).

I’m currently nursing #2 and things have gone so much smoother this time.

You’re absolutely right in your column - they don’t talk about how difficult it is in the classes. It drives you to tears at times (even this 2nd time, we still have had our challenges), but it is so worth it.

Nursing my first child was very hard. I have flat nipples and my daughter sucked her lip in utero. Right after we achieved latching my milk came in and I blew up to Dolly Parton size proportions. Rock hard and aching I had to wait until Monday to rent a hospital pump. The little pump from Walgreens barely did the trick. We tried giving the baby formula but it made her scream even more. I saw a lactation consultant and ended up using a nipple shield. It was a triumph we finally achieved a successful latch without the shield. She nursed for a little over two years before I weaned her.

My son was much easier. He was born five weeks early, so I spent the night pumping every two hours. When I was finally allowed to nurse him, he latched on instantly. The night spent pumping pulled my nipples out. I never had any problems with the second.

Thank you for writing about the difficulties of breastfeeding. I breastfed all four of my daughters & encountered problems with each:
My first daughter was a preemie who was too small to latch on & required the use of a nipple shield for the first 2 weeks; she nursed for 11 months.
My second was horribly gassy for her first 6 weeks until we figured out (from luck & trial-&-error) that she was sensitive to milk protein. I cut ALL dairy out of my diet & nursed for 10 months.
My third nursed for 3 months & then began crying every time I tried to feed her. She also had only put on 1 pound since birth. After taking her to a lactation consultant, we discovered that she was “tongue-tied” (having a too-short frenulum) & couldn’t extend her tongue to nurse correctly. Our pediatrian fixed that but she now refused to nurse. I pumped, bottle fed, & tried to nurse for 2 more months, but only succeeded in becoming anxiety-ridden & depressed. We switched to formula & things were fine.
I nursed my fourth for 1 week. In the hospital, I couldn’t get her to wake up for more than 5 minutes to nurse. The nurses tried. The lactation consultant tried. No one had any more luck than me. After a week of stress, anxiety, & craziness, I made the decision to switch to formula. It was a big step for me. I had been involved in La Leche League. I had loved nursing with my first ones, but this time it was different. I HATED it. It was so hard trying to get a sleepy, fussy baby to nurse while trying to take care of a toddler & 2 preschoolers. My husband summed it up by stating, “If mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” I was really torn about making the choice, but I am really glad I did. Sophie is now 10 1/2 months old, chubby & happy. I love the freedom that bottle feeding gives me.

When you’re pregnant with your first child all you hear about is how “natural” breastfeeding is. No one tells you that you & your child both have to learn how to do it.

Nursing was much harder than I thought it would be. My son is now 8 months old and has been exclusively breastfed (ie, no formula) for that entire time. But there have been many times that I have considered giving it up.

Before he was born, the few sections of books that I read seemed to imply that breastfeeding was pretty easy, as long as the latch (whatever that was) was correct. It seemed that all the baby had to do was open their mouth wide while they were being put on the breast. The breastfeeding class said the same thing. They spent most of the class extolling the virtues of breastfeeding, with a demonstration of some different holding techniques on a doll and a video that seemed to reiterate the view that nursing was easy.

After he was born, though was a diffrent story. Even though he had a fairly easy birth (no c-section or long labor), he refused to latch on at first. Okay, he refused to latch on at all (except once) during the hospital stay. I had help and advice from every nurse from every shift and two different lactation consultants. They told me I had inverted nipples and gave me hospital pump and taught me how to pump the colostrum and feed my son by syringe, with a goal of him eventually breastfeeding naturally at homeonce my mild came in. So I bought myself a pump and started the great breastfeeding experiment at home.

At home, I would pump a little to try to coax my son onto the breast and then spend an hour at a time to try to get him to open his mouth wide and then coordinate his sucking. Just when we would get that accomplished, it would be time for the other side, then a short break, then repeat.
After a week or two we finally seemed to have that down, when he decided to start cluster feeding (feeding almost continuously) for most of the evening. My nipples weren’t just sore, they developed deep cuts on one side first on my left breast, then the right breast (even worse). It made breastfeeding excrutiating. One night I sent my husband out all over town just as the stores were closing to find a breastfeeding book to tell what I was doing wrong. I made an appointment with the lactation consultant to have her observe our technique. She said we were doing fine, until she saw the lacerations. She recommended lanolin cream (which I’d been using pretty much continuously since day 1). I ended up pumping on the worse side for a week and a half until the laceration healed. Then breastfeeding when pretty well until it was time to go back to work.

By now, I knew all the horror stories of babies who refused bottles and developed nipple confusion from bottles. Luckily my son wasn’t one of those. But pumping takes a bit longer than they say. Yeah sure, you only actually pump for 10 minutes, but you have to set up the equipment and take down and clean the equipment when you are done, especially if you don’t have a dedicated place to pump. I have yet to pump in under 20 minutes. I am incredibly lucky to have a very understanding boss and co-workers, since I work 11 hour shifts, I have to pump 3 times a day. That kills any breaks I might have, so I am constantly trying to feed my voracious, breastmilk-making appetite at odd times during the day.

Now everything would be perfect for breastfeeding, except that my son’s top two teeth just came in the last few weeks (he’s had the bottom two for months). He’s bitten me a couple of times at the end of a feeding and so now I’m trying to vary my nursing positions while my brand new cuts heal.

Whew…if people knew how much work this all was, it’s amazing anyone would breastfeed I don’t know how women stuck it out in the day before purified lanolin cream and breastpumps!
In spite of all my venting, I’m very glad that I chose to breastfeed and I would do it all again if I had to do it over. I hope to continue until my son is 1 year old. It is an amazing bonding experience and I know that my son is getting the best possible nutrion , allergy prevention and immune properties I can give him. I just wish I had been a little better prepared at the beginning.

I agree whole-heartedly with the article’s sentiments about being unprepared for breastfeeding.

But because all the commenters thus far and the reporter were successful at breastfeeding, I just wanted to turn a spotlight on the experiences of women who are like me, who had to discontinue breastfeeding for whatever reason(s).

With my first (and only, so far) child, I thought so many things would be easier than they are. After all, I’d read nonstop during the pregnancy, eaten well, have never smoked, didn’t drink alcohol, exercised, took two kinds of prenatal vitamins, never missed an OB appointment, took the pregnancy/labor 101 class, and–before we’d even taken the leap to decide to get pregnant, my husband and I had talked it over & agreed we were as “ready” to be parents as we’d ever be (which is another great topic for discussion!).

Well, you know what they say about all your best-laid plans! I liken a new mother’s prelabor education about breastfeeding to her prelabor education about such unforeseen obstacles as C-section and doing it naturally (sans epidural). That is, you can read and listen all you want, but until it happens to you and you swim or sink (then inevitably, you’ll swim again!), then you may not heed the advice, assuming it’s even given to you beforehand.

I thought that I’d “done everything right” or at least the best I could. I had read up on breastfeeding and on C-sections, for that matter, but I never expected to have issues with either. Which meant, of course, that I had both.

Surprise number 1 was the labor itself. The visualization and breathing techniques didn’t work in the way that I’d hoped. I had to make up my own on the fly. The biggest surprise, though, was needing a C-section. To women who’ve had those, you know it’s one of the most surreal and potentially frightening experiences of your life. While in labor, I already felt that I’d entered some sort of Twilight Zone; the C-section surgery only compounded that. To boot, not succeeding at “natural” childbirth can make you feel like a failure.

Most books and articles only tangentially (if at all) touch on C-section, though an estimated 30% or so of women have to get them. And I’m one of the perhaps few women who feels generally positive about the C-section. Mine was not unnecessary (or planned for anyone’s convenience).

So, another surprise is that the C-section does complicate breastfeeding, which is already pretty complicated. Natural, yes; easy, no. Another thing they usually don’t tell you with breastfeeding is how intense it is in terms of your time and mental commitment. I would do anything for my daughter. Like all breastfeeding moms, I gladly jumped through all the hoops to help my daughter get off to the best start possible. I had numerous nurses counsel me; I had a lactation consultant help me with latch-on, too; I supplemented only a little with formula at first. I went to appointment after appointment to test my daughter’s bilirubin levels, because she was jaundiced. I got a nice breast pump, thanks to my in-laws, and tried an herbal supplement to boost milk production.

Yet, in the end, work, sleeplessness, pain from the C-section, a breast laceration, and a near-death experience with driving home from work while sleepy, made me finally let go of my hopes of breastfeeding. Of course, the story is a more long and complicated one, but I won’t bore people here.

I just want the breastfeeding moms as well as the formula moms to know that I support and commend you all. However, it would also be nice if the mean-spiritedly zealous breastfeeding moms out there would walk a mile on another new mom’s swollen feet–a mom who, despite her best efforts, cannot breastfeed. I can guarantee you, it’s not a decision we’ve made lightly. By the same token, I want the newbies (like I was) to learn to forgive themselves, as I have, if they don’t continue breastfeeding. If you don’t succeed, it isn’t for lack of trying or in any way indicative of an absence of love for your child. Millions (perhaps billions) of children have grown up on formula, without earaches, without asthma, without being obese, without being depressed.

Pregnancy and parenting are difficult enough roads to navigate without other moms bearing down on those of us who don’t or can’t breastfeed. Or who got C-sections, which, believe it or not, sometimes _are_ completely necessary. : )

Again, best wishes to all moms out there! Thanks for letting me get this down on paper, so to speak!

I too nursed with my first one. I was determined that we were going to save money and I was going to nurse exclusively. That lasted for 4 months–my daughter wasn’t growing and I was back at work as a teacher–not much privacy in an elementary school to pump. Sophia is now 2 and very healthy and bright
My second one —9 weeks old –never took to the breast–wouldn’t keep her tongue down–so the dr recommended a certain type of bottle 1 to help her tongue and 2 to help her acid reflux. I still wanted her to have breast milk so I began pumping on the same schedule she was supposed to nurse–and I started freezing the milk. We are waiting for her acid reflux to settle down and then introduce the breast milk to her mixed with her formula. Theresa is healthy and happy —except for the acid reflux.

Leigh, Bless your heart. I know how difficult it is to want to do something so badly for your child, but you’re just unable despite your best effort. I also had c-section, and it delayed my milk for FIVE days. Both my kids were seriously jaundiced, and my mom REALLY wanted me to bottle feed.
Those were really hard days. I admire how hard you tried. I agree: No mom should judge another mom’s personal choice without having walked in her shoes.

What a shame that so many have had negative experiences with breastfeeding. The formula companies sing songs of joy when they read such. Our culture is not supportive of breastfeeding. We don’t grow up seeing it as normal, watching other moms casually deal with their breastfeeding infants, and coping with any set backs or problems with a positive attitude, getting help from knowledgeable, experienced women. My four children were breastfed and the problems I thought I had were set right with the help of La Leche League. Breastfeeding helped contribute to my children’s good health, IQ boost and good looks! There are soooo many benefits to breastfeeding.
I am sorry that Sultan’s overall tone was negative. Maybe breastfeeding isn’t easy for many moms, but most moms can succeed if given the right support and information, and if they have a positive attitude. I fear that if I had read this article before my first baby was at breast, I may never have tried. Too bad that Sultan may have turned off moms to this wonderful aspect of motherhood..

Actually, my intention was to encourage new moms to stick with it — even if it is harder than they expect in the beginning. I nursed each of my children for 18 months, and like I said in the article, I wish more moms would nurse for longer. I wish breast-feeding proponents would allow honest conversation about the challenges of nursing without viewing it as an attack on nursing. In fact, I’ve seen more women give up because they thought they were the only ones who ‘couldn’t make enough milk,’ ‘get the baby to latch,’ etc. It’s okay to give a voice to those concerns and doubts.

I’m a convinced breastfeeding mother, even though I only was bottlefed, and could’nt get lots of “experienced” support from my mom!
My daughter was born after a c-section, and breastfeeding, as well as babywearing saved our lives. She was a high maintenance baby, and to be able to latch whenever she was fussy, didn’t make a spoilt child, but gave her the self confidence she seemed to lack from. I sometimes had pains, but not always, and they were quickly resolved with the help of LLL.
My son was born V-BAC, and the beginnings were much tougher. Having known that breastfeeding was the best thing I wanted for my children, I didn’t reconsider, but there were moments that were very painful (and I’m not the kind of person to sacrifice…). I cried, feared the next latch, and it hurt so much…
But I always knew, after 10 days, it would improve. I could go through labor, give birth VBAC without an epidural, so I could handle it for 10 days. After, I’d change, if the pain was still there. But it wasn’t, there was no need to change.
My daughter weaned when she was 21 months, and my son when he was 16.

In a way, I think you’re right to say that breastfeeding (can) hurt, and that moms to be aren’t very well prepared to suffer. After all, most of them also get en epidural, to avoid having/lessen labor pain. It’s very possible that LLL could emphasize the fact that there are moments that are tough.
On the other side, most of the time, breastfeeding difficulties are not big enough that they would bring you to quit.
Mankind would have disappeared a long time ago, hadn’t they been able to feed their babies!

The fact that breastfeeding in public is considered here in the US quite a big no-no (don’t do it in front of people, it might be disturbing/(disgusting to some of the people // I don’t want my kids to see breasts, and other blahblah..) doesn’t encourage either to find it normal. Moms seeing other moms breastfeeding in public would certainly also encourage the mom to mom discussion, and sharing of experiences.
After all, which mom-to-be has already seen somebody breastfeeding before it’s her turn? Not many moms come to LLL groups while still pregnant, and pictures don’t always do the trick!

In Europe, I’ve never seen a mothermilk-fed baby drink it from a bottle*. I’ve never seen a “blanket” to hide the breastfeeding part. I’ve never seen either somebody “showing off” breastfeeding. But we don’t hide either :-)!

*it makes it even harder, taking double of your time: the time to pump, wash the bottles and reheat them, and the time to feed.