Great topic again this week with your column. This self hate/loathing has to stop with each individual, especially women and most especially if you are around young girls. Women and girls do have it much harder but men are not insulated from this phenomenon. Our neighbors have invited us to use their pool several times and my greatest fear is to hear one of the kids whisper to another, “Hey, Mr. Brian has boobs.”

This also effects relationships with your spouse - and this time it’s back on you ladies. You guys have no idea how frustrated we get when you complain about yourselves 24/7… and 24/7 isn’t exaggerating. Even during romantic evenings when you are able to banish the kids to grandparents or friends houses, you guys almost can’t resist to throw a “I feel so fat…,” or “don’t look at that…,” or “don’t touch that…,” or “I’m just disgusting…” That sets the mood!

When children have an unhealthy body image it can lead to eating disorders which are becoming more prevalent with younger girls. Teenage boys are also beginning to struggle with eating disorders as they strive to look more athletic.

It’s important for parents to take a close look at the messages they are sending their children concerning body image.

I agree, wonderful topic this week. I’d like to comment though, that if you haven’t been committed to a “healthy lifestyle” with your kids (and/or yourself) from the beginning, it’s hard not to cross that “body image” line. My 8yr old gained alot of weight last year. Her eating habits were horrible and not much exercise. Habits that I feared could continue into adulthood if not addressed now - overeating at mealtime, unhealthy choices & eating when not hungry (just because it’s cookies or candy). I wasn’t worried about her being fat or her body image. I worried about her health and obesity. I never said to her she was overweight, etc. I never talked to the doctor in front of her about it. Unfortunately, I’m sure she overheard conversations & I didn’t lie to her either. “Mom, how come I can’t fit into my favorite shorts anymore?” 2 reasons I told her: 1. As a kid, your body grows naturally as you get older 2. Your body can also grow from eating too many sweets, overeating & not getting enough exercise.

She’s alot more active now and we’re doing better on our food choices. I haven’t brought up the topic to anyone in a while. Still yet, every now and then she points out if she had a “healthy” snack at school. Or, she’s said little snippets about her big butt or skinny girls. She shows no sign that any of this has affected her body image or self-esteem……yet. I can tell this may be an ongoing thing w/her. We may always have to keep an eye on the sweets and portions. So as they get older, how do you convince your child that this is about their overall health & not about looking like a Brats doll? I would love to hear some advice. Competing with todays society is hard.

I think you’re doing exactly the right thing. I worry about this, too. I’m thinking I will enroll my children in some sport or structured physical activity. Also, I am going to make more of an effort to take them to parks and run around with them. I really worry about our sedentary lives. One other tip: Try to keep smaller snack portions handy, like bag your own “100 calorie” cookie or chip servings.

My daughter will be turning 11 years old in August. This past year she has gained some weight but we won’t know how much for sure until she goes for her annual checkup in August but it does seem significant. When shopping for summer clothes, she is now fitting into a size 14/16 in girls. She isn’t into sports but she is into riding her bike around the neighborhood and using the basketball hoop in our front yard…but that’s about the extent of her exercise. She doesn’t eat horribly and she doesn’t snack a lot, but she does tend to overeat at dinner. I dont’ want to single her out at dinner so I haven’t said anything. It doesn’t seem to bother her unless someone else points it out to her. She has been teased at school by both girls and one boy in particular. It breaks my heart that other kids can be so mean already in the 4th grade. I’ve told her that she just needs to hit a growth spurt and it will all even out. I suppose I really don’t have anything to add to this discussion. I am an avid reader of this blog although I don’t usually post. But this time, I had to get some feelings out in this anonymous atmosphere. So, thank you for listening.

Great article. Kids will model our actions, not our words. Most of my friends have no sympathy for my complaints because I am very thin. However, I always feel like I’m less “womanly” looking because of it. I have very little chest and think I look like I need to eat something made with lard.

No matter what our bodies look like, we women complain. Don’t assume it’s just the women who feel fat or frumpy. Cut them a little slack because we ALL do it. Who knows? Maybe my daughter will grow up thinking she needs to eat cheetos and hoho’s all day to fatten up and a get set of nice implants. I’ll teach her to WANT to be unhealthy so she doesn’t look like me!

We all need to shut it. If you want to complain, do it in front of your mirror to yourself. Talk out loud so it matters. Better yet, don’t complain at all. Instead of SAYING something, DO something good for you about the things you don’t like. Start exercising more. Eat better. Take the stairs. Do something good for YOU that might might get your daughters doing something good for THEM. I’m NO exception.

Thanks for the article…yes it hit home…I have always been careful what I say around my 3 girls (they are now teenage) about how they look, always being encouraging, but I can’t say that I do the same about myself. We do have a choice over what comes out of our mouths and I appreciate you reminding me of that. I have been bad about downing myself this year. Frankly, I would love to see real women modeling swimsuits and clothing and not just the worlds view of what it thinks we “should” look like. If everyone is so worried about their daughters well-being, why can’t we do something to change the industry? Women “take charge” of so many things now….why can’t we “take charge” of how women are perceived?

How can I not feel rotten? I just don’t. To some extent, you choose how your body looks. If I’m overweight, I can exercise. Why not just love your body and treat it well?

We have low fat this and low fat that but really we’re fighting nature with all the processed crap we put into our bodies. High fructose corn syrup, anyone? Ban the soda and chips from your house! Yes, they will have it elsewhere but does that mean you need to give it to them too?

I know this may seem off topic, but since having two kids that I have breastfed, I have a real respect for my body. I have grown and fed two children just with my body. That’s pretty awesome in my book. Yes my boobs sag and my belly is a highway of stretch marks, but it’s one I’ve earned the best way possible.

Valerie - Great point about processed foods and high fructose corn syrup. Unfortunately for all of us, finding better foods and without HFCS is nearly impossible, and if you do, it costs an arm and a leg. With the economy tanking and our dollars stretched as they are, more and more people are resorting to the cheaper, easier and convenient foods.

I actually tried to find products without HFCS one time at the grocery store - nearly impossible. You’ll be amazed as to how many things have that as an ingredient. One item, I went with a tiny little jar of organic jelly that cost almost $8. This past weekend at Sams, I gave up and bought two giant vats of jelly for $6.

So I do think most of us have good intentions of coming to terms with that fat voice Aisha was talking about, but when we have to put up with soaring consumer prices and rushed for time with children, it’s next to impossible to be good.

Brian, I get it. I really do. What we did in our house was to stop eating out and buying junk. If you family skips a $30 meal out, that will buy a decent amount of produce. Also, how about canceling that $50/month cable subscription? That will free up some grocery money plus you may find yourself going outside more. A double win!

I’m not trying to be critical of others. I’m simply throwing out things we’ve done in our home.

Also, Trader Joe’s is great for foods without HFCS at a reasonable cost.

It seems everything has HFCS in it. I can’t even begin to tell you how many things we don’t eat anymore b/c of that.