Teen-age relationships are not immune from the sort of violence reported in the alleged report charging Chris Brown with assaulting singer Rihanna. In fact, teenage girls are more vulnerable to getting trapped in potentially dangerous and damaging relationships.

When a high-profile couple like Chris Brown and Rihanna bring this issue to the fore, it’s an opportunity to talk to our sons and daughters about what makes a healthy relationship and what behavior is never acceptable.

This piece, published by a former abuser, on the Huffington Post can be a good starting point for discussion. I found his honesty and observations to be very compelling:

“Between the years 1987 and 1991 I was a very different kind of person, a very different kind of male. During that time frame I assaulted and or threatened four different young women. I was one of those typical American males: hyper-masculine, overly competitive, and drenched in the belief system that I could talk to women any way I felt, treat women any way I felt, with no repercussions whatsoever. As I sought therapy during and especially after that period, I came to realize that I and other males in this country treated women and girls in this dehumanizing way because somewhere along our journey we were told we could. It may have been in our households; it may have been on our block or in our neighborhoods; it may have been the numerous times these actions were reinforced for us in our favorite music, our favorite television programs, or our favorite films.

All these years later I feel, very strongly, that violence against women and girls is not going to end until we men and boys become active participants in the fight against such behavior.”

Sadly, I tend to agree that current pop culture does demean and dehumanize women, which will only lead to more pain and violence.