If you assume the fights you and your spouse have about setting a bedtime or making your kids eat their vegetables aren’t a big deal, think again, says parenting expert Michele Borba.

Borba, author of ”The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Problems and Wildest Worries,” says, in a recent press release, that the most common child-rearing issues that provoke arguments between parents can do serious damage to your family.

Before your next disagreement elevates to a full-fledged blow-out, she suggests thinking about these big problems that can result from fighting over your kids:
1. Inconsistency harms kids. Period. The golden rule of parenting is simple: consistency, consistency, consistency. When kids receive conflicting information, whether it is instructions from parents, expectations, or disciplinary measures, it confuses them and creates a situation that makes it impossible for them to learn what the rules are. Parents who disagree on child-raising issues have a much greater incidence of inconsistency with their children, which can set them up for bad behavior and habits that last well into adulthood.
2. Your kids will lose their confidence…in you. To a child, parents are the ultimate source of comfort and guidance. No one has more confidence in you than your children do. When the parental unit in a household is weakened due to conflict, it can have a major impact on the children’s sense of confidence and safety.  If children can’t trust in the stability that their parents should provide, it can really rock their worlds.

3. It zaps what little energy you have left. You know how much energy it takes to raise children-not to mention running a household and holding down a job at the same time. When parenting arguments ensue, the fighting quickly drains what little energy you have left at the end of each day. This continued conflict depletes the parental energy source so that very little, if anything at all, gets accomplished.

4. It makes you feel powerless. Parents who feel unsupported by their spouse or co-parent can often experience a dramatic sense of hopelessness and powerlessness. Not only do they feel incapable of solving problems with their children, they are also lacking the support of their parenting partner, which Borba says can lead to many parents feeling too overwhelmed to move forward with finding solutions. Parenting disagreements between spouses can also create a situation in which a lack of communication between parenting partners becomes common, which is detrimental to both the spousal and parenting relationships.

5. It leads to harmful alliances between parent and child. If you are embroiled in a conflict with your spouse over what you think is right for your kids, your protective instincts can make you more likely to feel like your children’s personal advocate rather than one-half of a parenting team. When you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye, particularly over an issue like an extended curfew or getting an allowance, it can be a natural tendency for one parent to ally him or herself with the child, instead of with his or her parenting partner. Don’t do it.

“Building an alliance with your child is a common, yet dangerous parenting mistake,” she asserts. “Doing so not only undermines the authority of the ‘opposing’ parent, it sets up a dynamic that encourages the kids to play you and your spouse against one another in the future.”