Bond

U.S. Sen. Christopher “Kit” Bond, R-Mo., was sworn in Saturday night as the new president of the Washington-based Alfalfa Club, which Politico describes as “one of the capital’s most secretive and prestigious organizations.”

It’s so prestigious that President Barack Obama was on hand for the closed-door 96th anniversary dinner, and gave one of several humorous addresses. According to Politico’s sources, Obama’s best lines included this explanation of the First Family’s delay in getting a dog: “The labradoodle we picked has some problems with back taxes…”

And here are some of Bond’s choice comments:

“Never before have so many, who have accomplished so much, traveled so far — in coach. …. This is an august gathering. A newspaper recently published a list of the 25 people most responsible for the global economic meltdown. You know who you are. And it’s good to see you here tonight. … I plan to follow Barack Obama’s model, and diminish the role of the Vice President. … If our president didn’t know then, he sure does now: Joe Biden is the reason Amtrak invented the quiet car. … Also, I’m a little frustrated: I didn’t get to pick my VP. Instead, a group of people walked into my office and told me who it would be. Now I know how John McCain felt.”