Writing In Truth AND Love*

The Bible’s command for us to “speak the truth in love” sounds very easy and simple on the surface.  However, to put it into practice is a whole new ballgame.  Anyone can find someone to speak the truth - and be a jerk!  It’s even easier to find someone to speak in love - without being truly honest!

How many of you reading this can speak with sincere confidence that there is someone in your life who regularly provides feedback and advice in truth and love?  Deep in your heart, isn’t that what you would most appreciate in a true friend? 

In my letter writing campaign I have struggled to find the balance between the two and have thereby come to a much greater appreciation of the few loved ones in my life who have both the spine and heart to advise and encourage me both in truth and in love.

I have tried to use my letter writing resolution to work on developing a healthy balance between the two.  In the past, my tendency has been to not say anything that might upset, offend, or even inconveniently surprise the person with whom I was sharing.  Since then, through the sacrificial love and honesty of a few close friends, I have had the opportunity to be brought face to face with some negative aspects of my character and other flaws and areas for improvement in my life.  Through that experience I was inspired and motivated to attempt to be a catalyst in the realization of certain inconsistencies and strategies for improvement in the lives of those around me.   I realized that by not sharing my thoughts and feelings as they relate honest evaluations of my loved ones that I was not loving them in the same way I myself would want to be loved.  If I was wrong in my assessment, fine – they would not take it personally as I have openly communicated my intentions.  If I was right, I could be releasing them from a prison or future trap that they did not see and my never have grown to notice.  Not always am I right in my evaluations.  Not always are my observations or suggestions well received.  However, I have found that my attempts are not in vain.  My pursuit of authentic relationships is both refreshing to some and downright despised by others.  I am finding though, as I grow older, that life is too short for insincere communication.  To be honest and genuine is worth the risk.  Additionally, I would like to challenge the assumption that a healthy critique of a loved one is an act of pride or self-righteousness.  Rather, it is a demonstration of humility and sacrifice.  In sharing honest feedback with a loved one, one must first recognize and communicate an awareness of their own ability to make mistakes and unknowingly or sometimes even knowingly live in a selfish or inconsiderate manner. 

I challenge each one of you reading this to resolve to be more loving and more truthful in your interactions with those most close to you.  If you are afraid to speak the honestly, I would ask you why?  Is it out of genuine concern for the other person?  Or are your actions (or lack thereof in this case), motivated by self preservation and a great concern over how that person perceives you?  Be unselfish and speak the TRUTH in love.      

*The context and application of this scripture was taught to me by my former pastor and friend at Church in the Canyon, Rev. Bob Bjerkaas

[More on this in the coming weeks: how to deal with various responses when attempting to speak the truth in love to someone close to you and what to do when someone speaks the truth in love to you – but you don’t agree with them]