THE WATERCOOLER

Question: Are the 2008 Detroit Lions the worst team in the history of the NFL? If not, who is?

JIM THOMAS
Humbly speaking, I’m probably the area’s foremost expert on bad football. I covered the “Woody’s Wagon” Missouri Tigers in the mid ’80s. (I was on press row for the Norman Conquest, the 77-0 loss at Oklahoma. Yes, the Sooners did send a note to the Mizzou locker room at halftime saying: “You’re in the wrong defense.” And yes, Brian Bosworth was eating a hot dog on the sidelines near the end of the game.) And of course, I now chronicle the weekly pratfalls of the St. Louis Rams. But in this age of NFL parity, with the salary cap, free agency, the ability to draft high after bad seasons, to be able to navigate an entire NFL season without a single victory is an incredible feat. If the Lions manage to finish 0-16, I’d rate them as the worst team in NFL history. Hands down.

BILL COATS
I think that “honor” goes to the 1980 New Orleans Saints, who became known as the “Aints” and whose fans showed up with paper bags on their heads. Only a one-point win over a so-so Jets team avoided 0-16.

BRYAN BURWELL
The Lions are the worst ever. Their only competition for “worst ever” would be the winless 0-14 Tampa Bay Bucs. Those Bucs were dreadful with their ugly orange uniforms and a 12-game streak the following season that extended their futility to an NFL record 26 games. But they had an excuse. They were an expansion team in 1976 with a roster full of NFL rejects. The Lions’ only excuse is lengthy managerial incompetence.

TOM TIMMERMANN
While Detroit may lose more games, I don’t think anyone can match the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers for being flat out bad. They were outscored 412-125, shut out five times, averaged 214 yards of total offense. Other than Lee Roy Selmon, they had nobody. I’d make Detroit a 6-point favorite if the teams met. Then I’d plan to be doing something else during the game.

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MIDDAY NEWS AND THOUGHTS

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOSTON AND ST. LOUIS: Boston owner John Henry shocked Red Sox Nation last night when he issued a statement saying the Bosox we’re out of the running for prized free agent first baseman Mark Teixeira. “We met with Mr. Teixeira and were very much impressed with him,” Henry said in an e-mail, according to the Boston Globe. “After hearing about his other offers, however, it seems clear that we are not going to be a factor.”

Although the other teams pursuing Teixeira include the New York Yankees, Los Angeles Angels, Baltimore Orioles, and Washington Nationals, many in Boston believe Henry’s statement is purely a negotiating ploy. Who knows, perhaps Henry just doesn’t want to bid against himself … the same tactic apparently being applied by the Cardinals right now with Brian Fuentes.

Did I just compare an 8-year, $180 million deal to a 2-year, $16-18 million deal? Kind of puts it into perspective though, doesn’t it … the kind of money that causes hand-wringing in Boston and the kind that causes it in St. Louis? Oh, to have such problems.

THE PRIDE OF POPLAR BLUFF: Missouri native Tyler Hansbrough broke the all-time scoring record at the University of North Carolina last night when he fought through two defenders to score his 2,291st point, passing all-time leader Phil Ford. It’s an impressive feat at an elite basketball institution like North Carolina. One columnist from the Raleigh News & Observer points out that a key factor in Hansbrough breaking the record is that he decided to stick around for his senior season, as Ford had done. The Observer column says that, “Conservatively estimated, Antawn Jamison, Joseph Forte, Michael Jordan and Rashad McCants were all on pace to break Ford’s record had they stayed for a fourth year (or in Forte’s case, third and fourth years).”

I say it’s too bad more “college” athletes don’t make the decision to finish up their four years of schooling, but that’s an argument for another day.

Hansbrough needs to make no apologies for the hard-working style and determination that now has him at the top of Carolina’s scoring list. Congrats to Hansbrough on the record and to all the folks of Poplar Bluff who must be celebrating the achievement of their native son.

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THINGS TO PONDER

THANK YOU, RAMS: No sellout for the Rams game Sunday means a TV blackout. But the Rams are still delivering a holiday gift to us all: By virtue of the blackout, the Pittsburgh Steelers (11-3) vs. Tennessee Titans (12-2) game will be aired at noon instead. This is a huge game with homefield advantage for the entire AFC playoffs on the line. And now all those fans not attending Sunday’s game at The Ed can stay home and watch football as it’s meant to be played. In the words of Tiny Tim, “God bless us, everyone.”

LOOSEN UP, IT’S THE HOLIDAYS: It’s Friday and many of us will be taking a few days off in the coming weeks. I thought I’d end today on a lighter note, so I went searching online for some funny Rickey Henderson quotes and anecdotes. Who doesn’t love Rickey? I know Rickey loves Rickey. I found what I was looking for at chiefsplanet.com. Here are five of my favorites, but you can check out Chiefs Planet’s Top 25 by clicking on the link above. Well, onto Rickey:

1. In 1996, Henderson’s first season with San Diego, he boarded the team bus and was looking for a seat. Steve Finley said, “You have tenure, sit wherever you want.” Henderson looked at Finley and said, “Ten years? Ricky’s been playing at least 16, 17 years.”

2. Trying to get back into baseball, Henderson reportedly called San Diego GM Kevin Towers and left the following message on his answering machine: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

3. A reporter asked Henderson if Ken Caminiti’s estimate that 50 percent of Major League players were taking steroids was accurate. His response was, “Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”

4. Rickey was asked if he had the Garth Brooks album with Friends in Low Places and Henderson said, “Rickey doesn’t have albums. Rickey has CDs.”

5. When he was on the Yankees in the mid-1980s, Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.”

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STAT OF THE DAY

6 — Number of NBA coaches fired in the season’s first seven weeks. The teams with new coaches: Kings, 76ers, Thunder, Timberwolves, Raptors and Wizards. On one hand you feel bad for the guys losing their jobs. On the other hand, you wish we could all be guaranteed the kind of severence packages they probably received.