THE WATERCOOLER

QUESTION: Assuming the St. Louis Cardinals do acquire a couple more players via free agency or trade sometime before the season starts, are there any players you’d specifically like to see the team pursue?

JOE STRAUSS
Randy Wolf, Jon Garland and Braden Looper are names I’d key on at the first suggestion of a continued problem with Chris Carpenter (or any other member of the rotation). Let’s be blunt. Since acquiring Carpenter, the Cardinals have reached the postseason every year in which he’s delivered 28 or more starts (’04, ’05, ’06). They’ve tanked every year in which he has failed to do so (’03, ’07, ’08). There remains an alarming lack of depth within the rotation. I have a feeling one of the previously mentioned three would be willing to accept a one-year deal plus an option with the opportunity to re-file for free agency in a better economic climate. I frankly believe the Cardinals have a better chance of surviving the season with Jason Motte and Chris Perez closing than with their rotation exposed without Carpenter (or Wain’o). If Carpenter reaches spring training ready to go, great. But listing Kyle McClellan, Mitchell Boggs, Brad Thompson, Jesse Todd, etc. as a “No. 6 starter” suggests more crunch time for the bullpen.

RICK HUMMEL
I’m a big fan of lefthanded starting pitching. I’d like to see the Cardinals get either Randy Wolf or Oliver Perez. I would even take a chance on oft-injured righthander Ben Sheets.

DERRICK GOOLD
The more I look at what the Cardinals have done to improve the left side of the bullpen, the less convinced I am that they can 100-percent bank on actually being improved. Trever Miller is a clear upgrade, but the Cardinals themselves questioned his health. The other candidates are intriguing, but there’s isn’t a guarantee. So much hinges on the integrity of Miller’s labrum. To assure that the left side of the bullpen is better in 2009 than it was in 2008, bring on Will Ohman. Believed to be one of the first lefties who was going to sign this winter— with Atlanta, no less — Ohman is still out there. They wanted him in July, they can still get him in January. Beyond Ohman, for me the most fascinating free agent is — cue Joe Strauss’ signature derisive chuckle — Smoke Laval’s former ace, Ben Sheets. Sure his health is a concern, but he’s made at least 20 starts in all but one season and did pitch 198 innings in 2008. Roll the die on Cy: Get either Sheets or Chris Carpenter healthy and pitching to form and the Cardinals are in position to contend. Get both … and they are a favorite.

JEFF GORDON
This team needs a capable left-handed starter. In this favorable marketplace, it appears Oliver Perez could slip through the cracks IF the Mets sign Derek Lowe. Perez is a guy with huge potential. Maybe Dave Duncan could make him into something on a two-year basis. Failing that, Randy Wolf would be a good fit if the Dodgers don’t go overboard to bring him back to the West Coast. He’s been hurt a lot, but he knows how to pitch. This team also needs a stronger left-handed relief option. It would be a shame if the Cards struggled there this season after taking a pass on more credible lefties in the market. John Mozeliak has every opportunity to upgrade the left side of his pitching staff. Do it!

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MIDDAY NEWS AND THOUGHTS

RICKEY MIGHTY HAPPY FOR RICKEY: Rickey Henderson, baseball’s all-time stolen bases and runs scored leader, and power-hitting outfielder Jim Rice were elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame by the Baseball Writers’ Association of America. Henderson got in on the first ballot, while Rice made it in on the last time he would be eligible. The pair will be inducted into the Hall July 26. Players must be named on 75 percent of the ballot for induction. Mark McGwire received just 21.9 percent of the vote.

Speaking of McGwire, I’m beginning to wonder if his omission from Hall of Fame voting has less to do with his suspected used of performance enhancers and more to do with how poor his Hall of Fame induction speech might be when he got to the podium and simply said, “I’m not here to talk about the past.”

SO LONG, TONY: 53-year-old Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy is expected to announce his retirement at a press conference this afternoon. Dungy’s success as head coach is undeniable … after 13 seasons (six with Tampa Bay and seven with the Colts), he ranks 19th in all-time victories in the NFL, leading his teams to 148 career wins including the playoffs, and he led the Colts to the 2006 Super Bowl championship. Dungy also ranks 3rd all-time in winning percentage for a coach who has coached at least 50 games with one team, going .759 with the Colts.

The NFL has lost a truly great coach, and perhaps even more importantly, an inspirational leader and a true gentleman of the game. We wish him the best in future endeavors.

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SOMETHING TO PONDER

LIFE OF REILLY: I’ve read a lot of articles and columns belittling the BCS bowl process and the fact that an undefeated Utah team got completely snubbed in the process. But of all I read, perhaps no one said it better than Rick Reilly. If you’re not tired of the subject, check out what he had to say.

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STAT OF THE DAY

1 — Number of black head coaches to win a Super Bowl. That would be Tony Dungy.

THE WATERCOOLER

Question: Now that closer Brian Fuentes is out of the equation, what is the Cardinals No. 1 priority?

BERNIE MIKLASZ
Same as it ever was: starting pitching. It’s folly to assume Chris Carpenter can return to full health and form. And shouldn’t the Cardinals at least take a look at Trevor Hoffman? He had a strong second half in 2008. Does the Hall of Fame closer have one more solid year left in that arm?

DERRICK GOOLD
What “is” the No. 1 priority and what “should be” the No. 1 priority are completely different questions. What “is” the No. 1 priority apparently is positioning themselves with a flexible budget so that they can: a) swoop in with a vulture’s savvy when other teams are selling off parts (yes, I’m looking at you Houston) and, b) brace themselves for a revenue stream that could fall short of initial estimates. What “should be” the No. 1 priority hasn’t changed. It’s starting pitching. The Cardinals simply do not have enough known quantities to fill out their rotation. They need someone who they know will fill innings and there are plenty of options out there. (A Braden Looper-type, even if it’s not Braden Looper, per se.) The Cardinals are counting on a healthy Chris Carpenter, and he has the salary to mandate that. But they should consider Carpenter a bonus. Build a rotation that can contend without him and be a favorite to win with him.

RICK HUMMEL
I don’t think there is a No. 1 priority. I think they need a starting pitcher and a closer. They rank equal in my mind. And I don’t think it would be impossible that they’d consider signing a pitcher who’s done both … started and closed.

DAN O’NEILL
That is somewhat of a loaded question because I don’t believe Brian Fuentes ever was in the equation, not seriously anyway. I think the Cardinals should be looking for bench strength right now. I think pitching is going to become available later because of the economic conditions. There are going to be a number of free agents signing late, ala Kyle Lohse, accepting shorter term deals, hoping for an economic turnaround and a solid 2009 so that they can cash in next winter. They don’t call me Dan “DeWait” O’Neill for nothing.

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MIDDAY NEWS AND THOUGHTS

MEET COACH MOSS: No, Winston Moss has not been named the new Rams head coach just yet. But he at least survived a round of defensive bloodletting by the Green Bay Packers. According to the Associated Press, Packers head coach Mike McCarthy cleaned house Monday by releasing defensive coordinator Bob Sanders and five other assistants. According to the report, assistant head coach-linebacker coach Moss was the only major defensive coach to keep his job. Moss interviewed Saturday for the Rams head coaching position, the first of multiple candidates expected to visit.

Moss has not commented yet on whether he feels it would be better to be fired by the Packers or hired by the Rams. Stay tuned.

FORGET EVERYTHING YOU’VE LEARNED: The Arizona Republic makes a case for the Arizona Cardinals to beat the Carolina Panthers this weekend … and bases it on historical data. No, not the fact it’s the Cardinals first trip to the playoffs in 10 years. No, not because they haven’t advanced past the second round since winning an NFL title in 1947. The Cardinals have a chance, they say, because other lower-seeded teams have gone on the road in recent years to win Super Bowls.

I’m thinking those other lower seeds didn’t finish the last six games of their seasons 2-4. And I’m guessing that if you went even a bit deeper, you’d find that those other lower seeds were not outscored 167-70 in four such losses. But if the good folks in Arizona think historical data is on their side, all I can say is, “Good luck with that.”

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THINGS TO PONDER

YES TO RICKEY, NO TO McGWIRE: The Chicago Tribune polled its nine baseball Hall of Fame voters to see who they chose to induct into this year’s class, which will be announced on Jan. 12. Base-stealing leadoff man Rickey Henderson received the only unanimous nod. Also going in on the Tribune ballots were Andre Dawson and Jim Rice. Conspicuously absent from all nine ballots … Mark McGwire. You can take a look at all nine complete ballots and read why the writers voted for the players they did at the Chicago Tribune web site.

BULLETIN BOARD BLUNDER: Nothing like calling out a Heisman Trophy winning quarterback just days before facing him in a national championship game. But that’s exactly what Oklahoma defensive back Dominique Franks did earlier this week, saying Florida quarterback Tim Tebow (who won the Heisman last year) would be only the fourth-best quarterback in the Big 12.

No. 2 Oklahoma will square off Thursday night with No. 1 Florida in the BCS championship game. Given a chance to respond at a media event today, Tebow just laughed off Franks’ comments and took a pass on responding. But Franks better beware of Tebow’s passing (both on the field and off). Imagine a game-winning pass from Tebow that sails right over Franks’ hands. Nothing better than letting your play do your talking for you … particularly to a DB who may find himself on a nationally televised island Thursday night.

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STAT OF THE DAY

$423.5 million — Total amount the Yankees have committed to just three free agents this offseason. A press conference has been scheduled for tomorrow to announce that first baseman Mark Teixeira’s eight-year, $180 million deal has been finalized. Other deals already completed by the Yanks include seven years at $161 million for pitcher CC Sabathia and five years at $82.5 million for pitcher A.J. Burnett.

THE WATERCOOLER

Question: Are the 2008 Detroit Lions the worst team in the history of the NFL? If not, who is?

JIM THOMAS
Humbly speaking, I’m probably the area’s foremost expert on bad football. I covered the “Woody’s Wagon” Missouri Tigers in the mid ’80s. (I was on press row for the Norman Conquest, the 77-0 loss at Oklahoma. Yes, the Sooners did send a note to the Mizzou locker room at halftime saying: “You’re in the wrong defense.” And yes, Brian Bosworth was eating a hot dog on the sidelines near the end of the game.) And of course, I now chronicle the weekly pratfalls of the St. Louis Rams. But in this age of NFL parity, with the salary cap, free agency, the ability to draft high after bad seasons, to be able to navigate an entire NFL season without a single victory is an incredible feat. If the Lions manage to finish 0-16, I’d rate them as the worst team in NFL history. Hands down.

BILL COATS
I think that “honor” goes to the 1980 New Orleans Saints, who became known as the “Aints” and whose fans showed up with paper bags on their heads. Only a one-point win over a so-so Jets team avoided 0-16.

BRYAN BURWELL
The Lions are the worst ever. Their only competition for “worst ever” would be the winless 0-14 Tampa Bay Bucs. Those Bucs were dreadful with their ugly orange uniforms and a 12-game streak the following season that extended their futility to an NFL record 26 games. But they had an excuse. They were an expansion team in 1976 with a roster full of NFL rejects. The Lions’ only excuse is lengthy managerial incompetence.

TOM TIMMERMANN
While Detroit may lose more games, I don’t think anyone can match the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers for being flat out bad. They were outscored 412-125, shut out five times, averaged 214 yards of total offense. Other than Lee Roy Selmon, they had nobody. I’d make Detroit a 6-point favorite if the teams met. Then I’d plan to be doing something else during the game.

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MIDDAY NEWS AND THOUGHTS

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOSTON AND ST. LOUIS: Boston owner John Henry shocked Red Sox Nation last night when he issued a statement saying the Bosox we’re out of the running for prized free agent first baseman Mark Teixeira. “We met with Mr. Teixeira and were very much impressed with him,” Henry said in an e-mail, according to the Boston Globe. “After hearing about his other offers, however, it seems clear that we are not going to be a factor.”

Although the other teams pursuing Teixeira include the New York Yankees, Los Angeles Angels, Baltimore Orioles, and Washington Nationals, many in Boston believe Henry’s statement is purely a negotiating ploy. Who knows, perhaps Henry just doesn’t want to bid against himself … the same tactic apparently being applied by the Cardinals right now with Brian Fuentes.

Did I just compare an 8-year, $180 million deal to a 2-year, $16-18 million deal? Kind of puts it into perspective though, doesn’t it … the kind of money that causes hand-wringing in Boston and the kind that causes it in St. Louis? Oh, to have such problems.

THE PRIDE OF POPLAR BLUFF: Missouri native Tyler Hansbrough broke the all-time scoring record at the University of North Carolina last night when he fought through two defenders to score his 2,291st point, passing all-time leader Phil Ford. It’s an impressive feat at an elite basketball institution like North Carolina. One columnist from the Raleigh News & Observer points out that a key factor in Hansbrough breaking the record is that he decided to stick around for his senior season, as Ford had done. The Observer column says that, “Conservatively estimated, Antawn Jamison, Joseph Forte, Michael Jordan and Rashad McCants were all on pace to break Ford’s record had they stayed for a fourth year (or in Forte’s case, third and fourth years).”

I say it’s too bad more “college” athletes don’t make the decision to finish up their four years of schooling, but that’s an argument for another day.

Hansbrough needs to make no apologies for the hard-working style and determination that now has him at the top of Carolina’s scoring list. Congrats to Hansbrough on the record and to all the folks of Poplar Bluff who must be celebrating the achievement of their native son.

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THINGS TO PONDER

THANK YOU, RAMS: No sellout for the Rams game Sunday means a TV blackout. But the Rams are still delivering a holiday gift to us all: By virtue of the blackout, the Pittsburgh Steelers (11-3) vs. Tennessee Titans (12-2) game will be aired at noon instead. This is a huge game with homefield advantage for the entire AFC playoffs on the line. And now all those fans not attending Sunday’s game at The Ed can stay home and watch football as it’s meant to be played. In the words of Tiny Tim, “God bless us, everyone.”

LOOSEN UP, IT’S THE HOLIDAYS: It’s Friday and many of us will be taking a few days off in the coming weeks. I thought I’d end today on a lighter note, so I went searching online for some funny Rickey Henderson quotes and anecdotes. Who doesn’t love Rickey? I know Rickey loves Rickey. I found what I was looking for at chiefsplanet.com. Here are five of my favorites, but you can check out Chiefs Planet’s Top 25 by clicking on the link above. Well, onto Rickey:

1. In 1996, Henderson’s first season with San Diego, he boarded the team bus and was looking for a seat. Steve Finley said, “You have tenure, sit wherever you want.” Henderson looked at Finley and said, “Ten years? Ricky’s been playing at least 16, 17 years.”

2. Trying to get back into baseball, Henderson reportedly called San Diego GM Kevin Towers and left the following message on his answering machine: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

3. A reporter asked Henderson if Ken Caminiti’s estimate that 50 percent of Major League players were taking steroids was accurate. His response was, “Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”

4. Rickey was asked if he had the Garth Brooks album with Friends in Low Places and Henderson said, “Rickey doesn’t have albums. Rickey has CDs.”

5. When he was on the Yankees in the mid-1980s, Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.”

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STAT OF THE DAY

6 — Number of NBA coaches fired in the season’s first seven weeks. The teams with new coaches: Kings, 76ers, Thunder, Timberwolves, Raptors and Wizards. On one hand you feel bad for the guys losing their jobs. On the other hand, you wish we could all be guaranteed the kind of severence packages they probably received.