SSK,
Its called picking your battles, your kids are still young please don’t judge others on their parenting until you have been there. My 16 yr old daughter is a 4.0 student with pink hair tell me exactly how she has let me down?

At my daughter’s Catholic school the children, male & female, are mandated to have their “God given hair color” otherwise they face reprimand. I have asked the principal to apply the standard to the teachers as well. Maybe Amelia’s mother should fight a bit harder. Let the school concentrate on the important things, mmmmm… like teaching!

Meme, I didn’t say anything about letting anyone down. This is really basic stuff as to the differences in your situation and Amelia’s situation. Does your daughter’s school have any problem with her pink hair? Has anyone in authority there told her not to dye her hair pink? If not, you are not part of the problem I see. The girl in question, Amelia, DOES go to school where the administration specifically told her NOT to dye her hair. She did so anyway, with the support of her mother. Do you not see the problem with that?

Gerard, again, this is a different situation altogether. How many folks on staff at your daughter’s Catholic school have pink hair?

My son got in the van at the end of his first half-day at school this year and told me he would receive a demerit if he did not go to school wearing a belt the next day and every day after that. Five demerits result in detention. He started to whine at me that I should talk to the principal to make a deal that he shouldn’t have to wear a belt because it is uncomfortable and he has never had to wear one before (this is his sixth year attending school there). The last principal mandated that socks had to cover the ankle bone. That didn’t make sense to me, who cares if someone’s ankle bone is showing or not, but I bought longer socks than most kids wear these days because that was the rule. My son has never worn a belt with his navy blue pull-on twill shorts/pants. He doesn’t really need a belt to hold his pants up, but the new principal this year mandated that boys wear belts at all times simply because it looks nicer to wear one. So, I quashed his whining and told him that if it was impossible to follow the rules, then we would have to discuss it with school administration, but since it was not impossible, then we certainly were going to do so. I was not thrilled because it cost me more money, but we immediately went shopping for clothes with belt loops and a belt. He went to school the next day wearing new shorts and a belt. Neither of us was thrilled with the rule, but we followed it. I hope my son learned that rules are meant to be followed, they are meant to apply to everyone and that everyone in life answers to someone for something.

This is a tough one for me. I see the value in obedience, a society without rules will devolve into anarchy. But I also see value in civil disobedience, without which the rules of a society will become stale, outmoded and potentially abusive. Since lot’s of people here (SSK) have made strong cases for obedience, allow me to make a case for civil disobedience.

In life, there are rules (laws) that you sometimes disagree with. How do you change them? Well, in some situations, there is a system set up that you can use to get the rule changes you desire. For example, if you want to build a store, but the area is zoned residential, you go to the zoning board and present your reasons why the zoning for that area should be changed. If you are successful, you get the change you want – the rules are changed for you. Civil disobedience wasn’t necessary here, because there was a system set up to deal with potential conflicts or disagreements with the current rule structure.

But what about when there is no system of redress? Lets say you were a black person back in the days of segregation – who do you appeal to for a change of the rules? Who will listen? Segregation was the law of the land – if you didn’t like it, you were free to leave. In these cases, you can sometimes opt to fight for change – and this is where civil disobedience comes into play. It could be something as simple as not giving up your seat on the bus, or sitting down at a lunch counter – but these small acts can sometimes get people to discuss the true worth of the rules being challenged. These little acts of civil disobedience forced us to confront the question – is it really right to discriminate against someone based on the color of their skin?

In the present case, certainly the stakes are lower. We are not talking about equal treatment, or overturning decades of discrimination. We are talking about a girl violating her school’s dress code. Still, just as adherence to arbitrary rules in school can prepare a child for the arbitrary laws we deal with in the adult world (just on a smaller scale), carefully considered disobedience can also prepare them for those times in life when we have to fight for change. In this case, she has succeeded in provoking a debate, but now she has to consider if it’s worth continuing the fight. This is never an easy decision, and it reminds me of the old prayer:

Lord, give me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can’t, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

Meme, I think it’s great that your 4.0 16-year old has pink hair and I wish her luck when she goes in for her first job interview with that hair color. I bet my 17 year old with a 3.4 average and his God-given hair color gets the job first!

SSK hit the nail on the head, if the rules say no pink/dyed hair..then no dyed hair. Work to CHANGE the rules at the school instead of working to BREAK the rules.

I remember reading an article for a Social and Personality Class in graduate school that sent this message: The young always have the same problem—how to rebel and conform at the same time. So they defy their parents and teachers, and they copy one another.

This whole thing is stupid. The district is plainly overreacting and attempting to bully a girl, as a result she has dug in. If the district was a bit more sensible then this would have probably amounted to nothing.

What needs to happen is for bunches of other students in this district to dye their hair pink (or other colors) in solidarity. What would the school do in this case?

Kathi and Ryan on the E.,

Great posts-I ,too, have dealt with the strangely dyed hair when my now sixteen-year-old homeschooled son was about thirteen and first went to bright blue hair, and then a fuschia-red color.While I was less than thrilled, it was the lesser of the evils to let it run its course, and now he has a buzz-cut in his natural color hair(his choice).He also sports two earrings and has talked about tattoos(because his friends apparently think it is cool and have some),which I will not allow due to health concerns,among other things.We have discussed the whole issue of appearances for job purposes,and he understands that aspect,and if it costs him a job,so be it.I figure if wild hair color is the worst he does, I’m getting off easy.And as far as “breaking the rules”, how many here have NEVER exceeded the posted speed limit, or done a rolling stop?Not endorsing these things, just asking.

As for the principal,if he knew anything about kids, he should have seen this coming and dealt with it better,instead of being so dictatorial.There was a similar situation in the Mascoutah schools sometime last year(I think)that involved a girl giving a friend a HUG(oh, gasp, THE HORROR!)that apparently ruffled the superintendent’s feathers and garnered alot of attention,even nationwide.She ran afoul of the PDA rules. I can’t help but think maybe these adminitrators need to try and learn something about child psychology,and maybe get a hobby.There are so many worse things going on in schools these days that to get their knickers in a twist over these issues is simply ridiculous.If he (in both instances) had not blown the situation so out of proportion with heavy-handed discipline, it would have quietly gone away, and the administrators could actually be doing something productive,like dealing with school violence and bullies, or making sure kids are learning. Are we supposed to be raising kids or sheep?! Unquestioning obedience to archaic laws/rules should not be the pinnacle of education,in my opinion.How would they feel if she SHAVED her head-no color to complain about then.