The military’s burial policy: Too inflexible, or reasonable?
Kurt Zwilling is a military veteran who wants to be buried in Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery when he dies. Specifically, he wants to be buried next to his son, Gunnar, who was killed in action on July 13.
Gunnar, 20, a corporal, was single.
The military has told his father Kurt that they cannot reserve a spot for him at Jefferson Barracks. Those spaces can be reserved only for spouses. “We assign gravesites at the time of need. We don’t make reservations for the future,” administration spokesman Michael Nacincik said from Washington today.
People change their minds later, the government says. They may think they want to be buried in one spot now, and change their plans later.
Says Kurt Zwilling: “I’ve given up a lot for this country. I want to be next to my son. I feel that’s the least they could do.”
Should the military bend its policy? Or stand firm?
Kurt is the director of social media for the Post-Dispatch, where he has worked since August 2002. He's been a journalist since 1982, covering municipal government, courts, education and two hurricanes as a reporter before becoming an editor. 
Logicprevails: I agree with you that it probably doesn’t matter to the parent once he or she is dead. Maybe it matters more to the parent while he or she is alive. Death ends a life, not a relationship, and after a child dies, often the parent’s life ends as well. Life for them is sometimes more terrible than death. Rules are made to be changed and relaxed when we realize there may be some advantages involved! What better way for a country to pay its debt to a parent!
I’m under the impression that they are willing to bury him is the same spot as his son. He doesn’t want that because he wants to be buried with a future wife in the same spot. He is wanting a reserved spot for him and a future wife next to his son. I think he is being a little ridiculous. He is asking the government to change the whole system based on what he wants. If this is that important to him, he needs to purchase lots in a private cemetery and have his sons casket moved. If it is more important for him to be buried with a future wife than in the same plot with his son. Being buried with his son is not so important to him. I’m not heartless but realistic.
Reasonable.
First Tom: Good point.
could the father be buried on top of his son? or could the son be moved next to the father upon the father’s burial (at the family’s expense of course)?
this brought up a question…if a veteran marries a person of the same sex in the state(s) where it is legal, will the military honor that union upon death and make the same options available to them as available to heterosexual couples?
I thought as I read this article, why not bend the rules a bit, but my mom and dad are at Jefferson Barracks and they are one on top of the other — so can’t they do the same for this man? I think it would be way too crazy to keep a site open next to the son, then the next person who has an equally good reason — what then??? Please sir, I appreciate what you and your son did for our country, but I hope you will be comforted that both of you will meet again on the other side and your mortal garb will not be thought of again. I am sorry for your loss.
You can find a lot of good information about saving money on funeral goods and services here: http://www.funeral-tips.com.
This site also sells a resource kit about funeral planning that provides a lot of specific information on the military’s funeral benefits (and how to take advantage of them).
Why doesn’t the father make arrangements to be cremated and have someone scatter his ashes on his son’s grave when no one is looking? There isn’t much to a cremation, and even less after the first rain. Yes, this is highly illegal, but this is the federal government. It is better to act now, and ask forgiveness later.
My dad was cremated and buried with his parents. (My mom donated her body to science, and the rest of the remains were cremated and interred in a mass grave in Kirkwood.)It didn’t take any more real estate to bury a crematory box, and much less work than a full body burial.
Be creative. “Do not weep. I am not there.” The only way to get around military intelligence is to outsmart it.
My cousins husband served in the military. Their son ( non military) died first and he was buried at JB. My cousin dies second and she is also buried on top of her son at JB. My understanding is that when the husband dies,he will also be buried with his family. Obviously they do make some exceptions.
Gina-what your cousin’s family had happen is not an exception, unless the son was over 21(or 23, depending if he was at university) and able to take care of himself . Currently, non-military dependents are “stacked” with the military member in the same plot. Here’s the web address for the appropriate government document: http://edocket.access.gpo.gov/cfr_2002/julqtr/pdf/36cfr12.3.pdf.