Have you been a ‘boomerang’ child, or have you had one?
The rite of passage used to go like this: child goes off to college, child graduates from college, child ventures out into the world, child’s bedroom becomes a guest room, sewing room, weight room, etc.
Not so fast. A new study out today from the Pew Research Center said that nearly 1 in 7 parents with grown children had a child move back in with them in the past year. Blame the economy and the country’s 10.2 percent unemployment rate. Experts say young adults feel the brunt of a recession first and will be among the last to feel the recovery.
While the economy is certainly the major factor in adult children moving back in with their parents, are overly high expectations part of the equation? I’ve heard from many friends and colleagues who tell stories of young people with freshly earned degrees who think they should drive new cars, get rid of those pesky roommates and still have the scratch to travel, party and play as much as they want. (Sounds good; can you sign me up, too?)
Have you had experience with the boomerang generation, having an adult child move back home with you? Or have you, as a young or not-so-young adult, had to go back to the nest because of a job loss or other change in fortunes? And did you welcome them back with open arms — or was there a little more reluctance at refilling the once empty nest?
My in-laws are a boomerang houshold and I beleive my mother-in-law loves that her children need her. She is someone who needs to be needed. In the last five years two of her four sons have moved back in with either their wife or their wife and two kids. I was not one of them but she is constantly trying to do things for us that we can do ourselves. I know she is being helpful but really I can take my 17 month old daughter to Target and the grocery store with me. I work with a woman that is the same way. She needs to be needed and her kids take advatange of it.
I was a boomerang kid before it was cool. So, if any of our children needed to come home, they’d be welcome.
Thankfully, no. That’s what the Army and Marine Corp are for.
I have three successful, educated children all working. One of the reasons for that is they didn’t have the chance to move back. They were told from their early years that they would be provided with everything they needed to be successful in life. They were also told that success is moving on to be an adult and making it in the world, making their own money, decisions and choices in life.
I know for sure that the youngest would have been a boomerang if given the chance. To me that can be failure on the parents side. The chance was not given and success became a reality.
If one of my children were in a rare situation that I needed to help them, it would be done for sure. I would never let any of them starve or become homeless or hurt in any way. They know that. They also know that the door to the world is open to them. That’s the door they need to pursue.
I was a boomerang kid myself. This is long, but I promise it will be interesting..
I lived in the dorms, earned a BA in 4.25 years (which I have noticed is shorter than the average) and thought I would be moving out right when I got “a real job”. This was 2002, but the “real job” was very difficult to find. I was shocked because I honestly thought I would be viewed as more special and expected every interview to result in a job offer with my own office with a door- this delusional sense of entitlement is not all that uncommon amoung recent grads.
I ended up taking a misleading sales job that I had to quit, then I waitressed for a while. After a year, I found a job in a call center that only required a HS diploma or GED. I worked very hard to prove myself in the call center and then finally was offered a salaried position within the company.
I accepted the position, and literally two weeks later..SURPRISE! My boyfriend and I were expecting a new baby. He continued to live with his parents and the baby and I were crammed into the same room I had as a child. I felt like a loser again. I scrimped and saved, moved out when she was 7 months old and married her Dad when she was 2 years old. So I didn’t move out until I was 24 plus one child and by this time I had been out of school for 3 years.
Fast forward.. The baby is 5 and has a 5 month old sister. We rent from MY PARENTS! We live in a house that they own and once again, are scrimping and saving for our own place. I have been with a new company for 2 years and I finally have my own office with a door! But we have less money than ever since we both recent company wide paycuts.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” - John Lennon
My husband and I downsized and moved into a small 2-bedroom home, and that certainly discourages ALL the kids from moving back.
@ first tom- I sure hope your kids had a trust fund or a lot in savings, because parental attitudes like yours can lead to a lot of debt for your kids. I wonder what their credit scores look like after they did not have a choice to move home.
@ STLMommy- While, I appreciate your story, I hope my high schooler does not have the same fate. So did you go straight from the house your parents live in into another house that they own?
HUH? - I was raised like First Tom explained how he raised his children and I am fine. I have carry no balance on my credit cards, have money in the bank for emergencies, take care of my daughter and my step daughter with her huge child support payment each month. What ever happen to adults being responcible for themselves. I’m not saying that there is no legitimate reason for a child to move back home but at what age is a adult child responcible for themselves financially? I see so many people my own age (late 20’s early 30’s) make stupid decisions and expect their parents to bail them out just like their parents always did growing up. When I grew up I had a saving account and when I broke something it came out of my account to fix it. Yes my parents had the ability to send me to college without loans for me but never once did I ask them for money nor did I take there payments for granted. If you do not teach your children financial responcibilty when they are young when will they learn? Worse off is the children of these boomarang families who see their parents leaning on grandma and grandpa. What will happen to them in 10-20 years?
I have to agree with both bloggers, Sister-In-Law and First Tom. I actually have a term for this - I call it Suburban Babies, kids that grew up in nice suburban neighborhoods with “everything” given to them - not all of them, but many don’t have the drive to start out on the bottom of the rung and work their way up. They want big homes with two new cars and go into debt for everything. Raising a baby is for their parents to do or childcare as they need to pay for all of these “must haves” early on in their life. They are everywhere and they always have money to party, drink, smoke, take exotic trips, but whoops, can’t pay their bills. So Mommie bails them out and the cycle continues until they break their parents as well.
I lived at home until I was 22. I moved out 1 week before my wedding. As soon as the last semester of college is paid for, we are downsizing to a condo. I think by that time, I’d rather help pay for rent, rather than have my child return to living under my roof, but who knows, I won’t let her starve or become homeless.
I do think there is an issue with new graduates thinking that they will get a job that satisfies them right out of college. Most of us had to work our way up to them. Kids need to be told that they won’t get their dream car/house/boat, etc. right away, they have to save for those things. There’s nothing wrong with renting for a few years before buying a house.