JEFF CITY: TILE TOWN

People who want to buy a piece of state government ordinarily use a lobbyist. But for a limited time, they can get a chunk o’ Missouri on eBay, the online auction site.

Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt and his wife, Melanie, are offering slate tiles from the roof of the governor’s mansion. The tiles date from a 1969 renovation of the mansion, so they’ve kept the rain off the families of Warren Hearnes, Kit Bond, Joe Teasdale, John Ashcroft, Mel Carnahan and Bob Holden, in addition to the Blunts. Proceeds of the sale will be used to help pay for renovations to the mansion.

Bidding had been less than brisk by late Friday. Most of the tiles were still available at $35, their opening bid amounts. For an extra $20, you can buy a tile (photo at right) that has been transformed into a “gourmet serving tray.” The tiles are fitted with “small round leather feet, a leather hanger and a set of three silver cheese servers” which make them “ideal for cheeses,” the eBay listing says. Bidding ends Wednesday.

If the tile sale turns out to be a money maker, perhaps the governor could consider auctioning off other mansion artifacts. The panic buttons he had installed before moving in would be a surefire hit. Just in case someone wanted to steal your cheese.

CRIMINALLY GULLIBLE

You be the juror: If a person is gullible enough to spend $50,000 on what is purported to be a Bigfoot corpse entombed in a block of ice, should he be entitled to a refund when the “corpse” turns out to be a rubber gorilla suit?

Some judge and/or jury actually will have to decide that question because Catherine Ortez, of Searching for Bigfoot, Inc., in Menlo Park, Calif., said this week that “there will be legal action” brought against two Georgia men who sold the group a phony Bigfoot. Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer of Atlanta announced their “find” earlier this month, and Searching for Bigfoot’s founder, Tom Biscardi, “authenticated” their find — apparently based on DNA from a possum, or “opossum” if you’re opicky.

Mr. Whitton, who had been on medical leave as a Clayton County, Ga., police officer, lost his job over the hoax. Mr. Biscardi, a car salesman, could lose some credibility, assuming a professional Bigfoot researcher has any to lose.

We hope some amicable out-of-court settlement can be reached so taxpayers don’t have to pay court costs. If we had spent 50 grand on a gorilla suit, we’d want to keep the whole thing as quiet as possible.