THICKBURGERS AS
HEALTH FOOD

Once upon a time, kiddies, there was no such thing as a 1,420-calorie, 107-fat-gram fast-food hamburger. You couldn’t get a 900-calorie breakfast burrito.

Then came the Hardee’s restaurant chain, originator of what’s been dubbed “fast-food porn,” and the “heart attack on a bun.” Its signature burgers are so calorie-dense and artery-clogging that they should come with a defibrillator (which, come to think of it, would make an excellent marketing campaign).

Wilbur Hardee — founder of Hardee’s and a host of lesser-known eateries (Biscuit Town, Hot Dog City, etc.) — died last week in Greenville, N.C. He was 89.

Mr. Hardee hadn’t owned his eponymous chain since the early 1960s, which clears him of responsibility for both the Monster Thickburger and the chain’s infamous car wash TV ad featuring Paris Hilton. But he still dined at the restaurants regularly and, as we say, made it to 89.

These days, of course, Hardee’s is owned by St. Louis-based CKE and run by former Arch City attorney Andrew Puzder. CKE is named for Carl Karcher, who founded the Carl’s Jr. restaurant chain, which also sells the giant burgers.

Like Mr. Hardee, Mr. Karcher dined regularly at his restaurants into his dotage. He died in January, at the age of 90.

Here’s your thickburger. Would you like irony with that?

WOLF-LOVERS
NEED NOT APPLY

You spend 30 or 40 grand to attend a prestigious law school. You do volunteer work for Greenpeace or the Race Research Action Council or the Council on American-Islamic Relations. And then you apply for an honors program for entry-level attorneys or a summer internship at the United States Department of Justice.

What? Are you crazy? You don’t pay attention to the news?

The Justice Department’s inspector general this week confirmed what a lot of people had suspected, said and testified to: Under Attorneys General John Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzales, the Justice Department black-balled job applicants who were suspected of belonging to “wacko” and “extremist” (i.e. liberal) groups. They nuked applicants whose resumes mentioned an interest in “peace” and “social justice.”

Using political criteria to judge job appplicants violates Justice Department policies and federal civil service rules. And it didn’t stop with U.S. attorneys; it went all the way down the food chain to interns.

One candidate was described by a U.S. attorney who was asked for input as someone who “appears to favor a reintroduction of wolves” on federal lands.

At last we have the answer to the ancient question, “Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?” It’s the Department of Justice.