Marion Jones: Up creek, no paddle
Going on the “Oprah Winfrey Show” is normally PR magic. Nothing boosts a sagging public image quite like a misty-eyed appearance with Oprah.
But for Marion Jones . . . well, this inevitable move came a little late.
She has already been stripped of her Olympic medals and sentenced to six months in prison for lying to investigators about steroid use and a check-fraud scam.
“Remember how fast Marion used to run?” Miami Herald columnist Greg Cote wrote. “Evidently, the law runs just slightly faster.”
Jones’ track and field career is done and her endorsement profile is ruined.
“I want people to understand that, you know, everybody makes mistakes,” Jones said. “I truly think that a person’s character is determined by their admission of their mistakes and then beyond that, what do I do about it?
“How can I change the lives of people? How can I use my story to change the life of a young person?”
Tipsheet’s advice: Write a compelling tell-all book about cheating and hitting bottom. Sit down with Oprah after your release. Keep apologizing and crying.
Become an anti-drug activist and motivational speaker. Turn negatives into positives. In America, all things are possible.
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while waiting for Marek Schwarz to get in front of the puck:
- How does Mizzou turn the ball over 17 times at Iowa State with such an experienced backcourt?
- If Floyd Mayweather Jr. faces Oscar De La Hoya again, with these two rivals actually fight? Or will they stage another “Dancing with the Stars” audition?
- Why didn’t the Cards outbid the Cubs to land pitcher Jon Lieber, just in case?
WORSE THAN A PULLED HAMSTRING
Like her sister Venus, Serena Williams has battled an assortment of muscle and joint injuries during her illustrious career. Perhaps this is why Lindsay Davenport’s sterling comeback inspires her.
“I’m speechless because she’s better than me and she’s seven months out of having a baby,” Williams said “I’m convinced if I had a baby, seven months later I’d probably still be in the hospital trying to get over the pain.”
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times: “So there was Ben Wallace, $60 million waste, laughing on the bench Tuesday night in Orlando. The Bulls were on their way to another hapless, character-less loss, and Big Bum was having such a good time that you wanted to stuff him in a Goofy suit and point him to Disney World.”
Gerry Callahan, Boston Herald, on the AFC title game: “This is such a lopsided matchup that Tom Brady is thinking of spending a couple of days in Mexico with Jessica Simpson, just to make it fair.”
Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Cowboys’ fans are worried about Jessica Simpson jinxing their quarterback. Me, I’m worried sick about what Tony Romo is doing to Simpson’s career . . . Paris Hilton and Matt Leinart. Now Romo and Simpson. It’s part of the NFL’s new program, No Bimbo Left Behind.”
Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “So what were the odds that Eli would be the only Manning left? Or that Norv Turner and Tom Coughlin would have a shot at the Super Bowl? If a guy told you that back in October, you’d figure he’d been smoking his allotment of lidocaine.”
Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel: “University of Georgia President Michael Adams, big on a football playoff, is upset over Big Ten opposition and said: ‘I have two degrees from Ohio State. I love Ohio State. But this is not a way to serve the country.’ What? Anti-American? Are we going to war over the BCS?”
Jemele Hill, ESPN.com: “When Joe Torre got canned by the Yankees, it was if Gandhi exited stage left. No one in charge of a team escaped blame like Torre. The Yankees’ recent batch of postseason collapses always were blamed on age, pitching, A-Rod — EBT (Everything But Torre). Let’s face it, the Yankees’ routine collapses should have gotten Torre run out of town much sooner, but his granddad routine had the media and fans blinded. One megacollapse got Marty Schottenheimer fired, yet Torre survived despite the Yankees becoming only the third team in North America to ever lose a best-of-seven series after being up 3-0. In ‘03, the Yankees had the best record in MLB, but lost to the Marlins in the World Series. They were a favorite again in ‘06 and were beaten soundly by the Tigers. I get that Torre made the playoffs every year he was in New York, but so could a hippo. Surely Torre made some bad decisions that contributed to the Yankees going seven years without a World Series title.”
MEGAPHONE
“He doesn’t need to be turning around talking to some guy that has had 12 beers in the stands.”
Chargers coach Norv Turner, offering sound advice to quarterback Philip Rivers.
I don’t know who in the hell Jemele Hill is but he/she/it has a good point about Torre.
When are the Blues going to start crushing the skulls of guys who run into Legace??? Don’t they realize he is their best hope for getting into the playoffs?