Remember hustling Gridbirds kick returner Vai Sikahema?

You may know he found a successful second career as sports director for a Philadelphia television station.

But you may not know he is also planning to box. What started out as a conditioning program has become an obsession.

Sikahema, 45, will put his now-famous face in harm’s way by boxing martial artist David Cruise, 37, on Jan. 19.

“ ‘Why?’ My wife has asked numerous times over the past month,” Sikahema said. “Well, because I’m curious. That’s all, just curious. And frankly, I think it’ll be fun. That’s it — no hidden agenda, just curiosity and fun.”

Spoken like a true special teamer. You can take a guy off the kicking teams, but you can’t take the kicking team out of guys.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Miguel Tejada tries to get his story straight:

• Wasn’t it nice watching old friends Bud Selig and Donald Fehr spend some quality time together Tuesday? Did they promise to stay in touch?
• Who could have possibly guessed that Pacman Jones would end up in another strip joint skirmish?
• How could the Chicago Bulls become this bad this quickly? And do they really think throwing Joakim Noah will make things better?

ATHLETE OF THE WEEK

That honor goes to little person “Puppet the Psycho Dwarf,” a pro wrestler in the Half Pint Brawlers group.

He and his cohorts performed at a recruitment event for Northwestern University’s chapter of Delta Upsilon. The fraternity got chastised for staging this politically incorrect activity.

But Puppet the Psycho Dwarf wrote an e-mail to The Daily Northwestern to defend the house.

“Little Justice and myself had a great time at the event,” he wrote. “The kids really seemed to enjoy the show.”

And why wouldn’t they? A check of the Half Pint Brawler’s Web site reveals that matches involve “staple guns, thumb tacks, broken bottles (and) trash cans.”

Also, the group guarantees a full effort. “The midgets bleed what little blood they have for your enjoyment,” the site noted.

And we wonder why Europeans mock us . . .

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “The Marlins signed former Ray Jorge Cantu to compete at third base and also might be interested in 18-year veteran Luis Gonzalez to lend a steadying, mentoring influence to a young clubhouse. It might be tough for the penny-pinching Marlins to sign Gonzalez, though. Evidently, because of his expected role, they want to pay him $6 an hour, like a baby-sitter.”

David Thomas, Fort Worth Star-Telegram, after Cowboys linebacker Greg Ellis recovered from an Achilles tendon injury to win the Comeback Player of the Year award: “Runner-up was Patriots receiver Randy Moss, who had 1,493 yards and 23 touchdowns after recovering from a severe case of not wanting to play for the Raiders.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “Now that Tony Romo has become Jessica Simpson’s new boy toy, isn’t it only a matter of time before he stops barking out the signals and starts lip-synching them?”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com, possibly disagreeing with Noah’s post-tantrum suspension: “Nothing says character like a bunch of underachieving, overpaid, mentally weak players who lose by 20 after the embarrassing sideshow of hijacking this organization’s integrity by demanding more punishment for a rookie. Then again, I guess we should expect this kind of weenie behavior from a bunch of underachieving, overpaid, mentally weak players who quit on one coach and got him fired, and now they are walking all over the footwipe who replaced him to the point that the aforementioned footwipe endorses such laughingstock behavior.

Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “So why is it OK for a grown man who runs around in a canary-yellow blazer with a Tostitos patch to make $415,000 in salary with a ten-year, interest-free loan when guys like Reggie Bush have to take their alleged monies under the table?”

Elliott Harris, Chicago Sun-Times: “Construction on the Dallas Cowboys’ Stadium in Arlington is 50 percent finished. It would have been closer to completion, but Cowboys fans believe workers were distracted by Tony Romo’s romancing of Jessica Simpson.”

MEGAPHONE

“After looking at the tape, I feel like the best team lost the game. I thought we outplayed them. But we lost. Certainly, that goes directly to the coach, and I accept that.”

Cowboys coach Wade Phillips.