Hank Steinbrenner is going to become a fine major league baseball executive. Why? He knows the drill with steroids.

Keep your head in the sand at all times!

In the aftermath of Andy Pettitte’s cathartic news conference with the New York media, The Associated Press called the Yankees senior vice president to get his take on the steroid/HGH controversy.

“I don’t like baseball being singled out,” he said Monday night. “Everybody that knows sports knows football is tailor-made for performance-enhancing drugs. I don’t know how they managed to skate by. It irritates me. Don’t tell me it’s not more prevalent. The number in football is at least twice as many. Look at the speed and size of those players.”

Good point, but the NFL has had a tough anti-steroid program in place for nearly 20 years. League spokesman Greg Aiello notes that roughly 12,000 steroid tests are conducted every year.

But Young Steinbrenner doesn’t get it.

“A lot of baseball people thought that baseball would be the last sport that it would be a problem in and probably just ignored it too long,” Steinbrenner said. “But the fact is it’s been in football a long time and it’s been in basketball, I’m sure. Why baseball is being singled out, I don’t know. I don’t know. I know all the excuses — `Well, it’s America’s game and it’s the statistics.’

“That’s not an excuse. If a sport is riddled with it, it’s riddled with it. Why aren’t they looking at the NFL?”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering if Andy Pettitte will ever talk to Roger Clemens again:

• Will the person who designed those grotesque NBA All-Star Game jerseys face criminal charges?
• Now that Peter Forsberg has elected to remain retired, will NHL general managers finally get on with their lives?
• Who could have guessed that Avalanche agitator Ian Laperriere would cause mayhem during a showdown with the Red Wings?

DON’T WRENCH YOUR KNEE

Miami Dolphins sackmaster Jason Taylor will be “Dancing with the Stars” this summer, along with former tennis player Monica Seles and figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi.

Also in the battle: TV personality Adam Carolla, international film star Cristian de la Fuente, actress Shannon Elizabeth, actor Steve Guttenberg, R&B singer Mario, actress Marlee Matlin, illusionist Penn Jillette, actress Priscilla Presley and actress Marissa Jaret Winokur.

SOUND ADVICE FROM MJ

So how can the NBA win over the public in 2008? Michael Jordan had some thoughts for ESPN The Magazine.

“When I turned pro, the league was looking for a change,” Jordan said. “I had the personality and the game and a style of play, and all that came together at the same time . . . How do you explain a phenomenon? You can’t. The only advice I can give to someone in the league now is to be original. The consumer isn’t dumb. He or she can sense things being knocked off. Originality is what lasts.

“For the league and its players — don’t try to duplicate something that has been done before. Do it your own way, and see where it goes.”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Bill Simmons, ESPN.com, on the Suns’s acquisition of Shaquille O’Neal: “Really, I see no downside for Phoenix other than the 50 percent chance that Shaq is more washed-up than Katie Couric. But as we learned in No Country for Old Men, life is a series of coin flips. Sometimes you get heads; other times, tails. But you need to flip the coin to find out.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “In the days before the hearing, Clemens had 24 separate drop-in chit-chats with congresspeople! That’s a lot of autographs, but a couple B-12 shots and the Rocket was good to go.”

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “The Green Monkey, the Thoroughbred who sold for a record $16 million two years ago, has been retired from racing at age 4 after producing no wins in three starts and $10,240 in earnings. The steed’s owners plan to put him out to stud and resist the urge to rename him Carl Pavano.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Congress’ refusal to renew the expiring Surveillance Law deeply troubles me. I mean, how are we going to be able to monitor all of Kelvin Sampson’s phone calls?”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “The Lakers’ Kobe Bryant has decided to play through the pain instead of having season-ending surgery on his pinkie. The pain is expected to reduce Bryant’s average shots per game by a few, down to around 45.”

MEGAPHONE

“First and foremost, I consider him a friend of mine. And when I look at him, he represents everything that’s good in the black community. He’s intelligent, he’s articulate, he’s — we need that. Most of our role models are athletes or entertainers. We got to get more black kids to be educated, carry themselves with great class and dignity. And he’s perfect for what we need. Because we’ve got so much black-on-black crime in this country right now. We got a lot of kids who are not getting their education. That’s why I’m supporting him.”

Charles Barkley, endorsing Barack Obama.