The New York tabloids were grouchy again this morning, this time because the hapless Knicks reeked on the eve of the NBA trade deadline.

New York Post scribe Marc Berman could not contain his anger after watching their “performance” in Philadelphia Wednesday night:

“Isiah Thomas should trade the whole damn roster at today’s 3 p.m. deadline, including himself, after the Knicks nauseated all of New York last night in hitting a new low. Today — we pray — is Thomas’ final trading deadline as chief of the Knicks.

“Thomas’ jokers fell behind by a shocking 36 points at halftime to the mediocre Sixers and lost by 40 points, 124-84, in a rock-bottom, sickening showing at Wachovia Center that on its own should warrant his dismissal today at 3:01 p.m.”

The New York Daily News did the math on this game: “The Knicks (16-38) fell behind by 45 points at the end of three quarters. They gave up 50 points in the first 16 minutes, let the Sixers shoot 57 percent from the field and were outscored 36-12 in fast-break points. The Knicks trailed by 20 after the first quarter and allowed Philly to score a season-high 72 points in the first half.”

Mind you, the 76ers were just 23-31 coming into this game. For Philly, 40-point victories have been hard to come by.

If you are interesting in acquiring a Knick for the rest of the season, feel free to give Thomas a call this morning. He has plenty of inventory to move.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering waiting for Kelvin Sampson’s Judgment Day:

• Will all this Atlantic-10 infighting reduce its number of NCAA Tournament bids?
• Why are the Richmond Spiders so adamant about playing the spoiler role?
• And wasn’t this supposed to be Fordham’s breakout season with a season-led squad?
• As for SLU, did you ever think you would see the day where Bryce Husak would launch 10 shots in a game?

DUKE OF HAZARD

So, Coach K, how in the world could your Duke team lose to Miami for the first time in 45 years?

“Our team — there’s something missing this week,” coach Mike Krzyzewski suggested. “We are not the same team these last two ballgames. It’s almost like someone has come in and invaded their bodies.”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “Good news, fans. Now that a lawsuit has been filed against the New England Patriots for illicitly taping the Rams before the 2002 Super Bowl, Bill Belichick and former video assistant Matt Walsh can be deposed. So let the misremembering begin.”

Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “Any player mentioned in the Mitchell Report should take a lesson from Andy Pettitte. Hold a press conference. Come clean. Move on. Watch how quickly people forgive.”

Elliott Harris, Chicago Sun-Times: “Former Cubs crusher Sammy Sosa and San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds appear to be battling for the same position in spring training. You know: left out.”

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “You think it was easy making the contracts match up in the Jason Kidd trade? The Mavericks had to toss in Keith Van Horn — who hasn’t played the past two seasons — and the Nets reciprocated with a bad haircut to be named later.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “The new Yankee Stadium, under construction, will have corporate meeting rooms and many plush amenities. Says Yankees’ CEO Lonn Trost, ‘We tried to reflect a five-star hotel and put a ballfield in the middle.’ So there will be mints on the bases, and a bellman will assist Alex Rodriguez with his emotional baggage.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Monica Seles officially announced her retirement five years after playing her last match. What’s next? A retirement confirmation from Evonne Goolagong?”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “By the way, did you see Indiana has asked athletic director Rick Greenspan, the man who hired Sampson, to investigate the NCAA’s charges against the Hoosiers’ coach? Isn’t that a little like the FBI asking Robert Hanssen to investigate the possibility of a Soviet mole inside the bureau?

Greg Couch, Chicago Sun-Times: “Recruiting is an ugly and slimy thing. Sampson crosses the line into cheating, as he has been caught twice, making hundreds of impermissible phone calls. I’ve said this before, but it takes someone with an inner dirtbag to be successful in recruiting these days. Sampson has one, no question. I don’t think (Bruce) Weber does.”

MEGAPHONE

“Andy is one of the greatest human beings I’ve ever met. I have two daughters—well, I have one and one on the way. If I had a daughter, I would want ‘em to marry Andy Pettitte. The age difference might be a little awkward, but in today’s day and age anything is possible.”

Alex Rodriguez, offering best possible character reference for a beleaguered teammate.