Tennessee’s Bruce Pearl will win the “Most Animated Coach” during March Madness. He just can’t help himself.

Perhaps you saw him give ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews a big hug on TV. Or maybe you saw footage of his bare-chested appearance at a Lady Vols game, in support of Tennessee colleague Pat Summitt.

But he wasn’t always this way. During a chat with Andrea Kremer on HBO’s “Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel”, he recalled that he failed to win the job as Eddie the Eagle while at Boston College.

“Perhaps [I] didn’t have enough athleticism,” he told reporter Andrea Kremer. “Couldn’t flap my wings fast enough.”

When Pearl finally got to don the mascot outfit as a fill-in, he went a little overboard during a 1981 NCAA Tournament game.

“I’ve got no training,” he recalled. “I didn’t go to mascot school. I don’t know what to do. So I’m flapping my wings around the court, trying to interact with the other mascot, like mascots are supposed to do. We’re playing Ball State.”

He figured his job duties included distracting free-throw shooters.

“I look around and there’s a ladder. I get the ladder out. I set it up behind the backboard. I climb up the ladder and I start flapping my wings. Ray McCallum misses a free throw. We win the ball game and the NCAA has a meeting the next day. They’re about to throw the mascot from Boston College out. That was me.”

This explains everything.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering if the Blues will ever win another game:

• Is their nine-game road trip starting to feel like a 99-game trip right about now?
• So which Rams quarterback has taken a worse beating the past few seasons, Marc Bulger or Trent Green?
• And will the retooled Rams offensive line keep these guys off the gurney?
• Does the Matt Walsh Video Collection including footage of Roger Clemens attending the infamous Jose Canseco party?

A DREAM COME TRUE

Yankees-loving actor Billy Crystal will get to play for his team Thursday when they face the Pirates. The team signed him to a ceremonial one-game contract to make this happen.

The Associated Press reports that Crystal will wear No. 60 for the game, which will be played one day before his 60th birthday. Commissioner Bud Selig signed off on the PR gesture.

“I’ve been waiting 50 years for this call,” Crystal said in a statement released by the team. “I’m overwhelmed by the generosity of the Yankees and commissioner Selig. I know this’ll be tougher than the Broadway Softball League, but I’m looking forward to helping the younger players, which by the way is all of them. Oops, I have to go, Scott Boras is on the phone.”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Mike Downey, Chicago Tribune: “Possible promotions in case the Cubs do play 2009 games on the South Side while Wrigley is under construction: ‘Black Cubs Cap Night,’ ‘Punch a Michael Barrett Bobblehead Doll Night,’ ‘Steve Stone Is Joined by Jimmy Piersall Night’ and ‘Oh, So That’s What a World Series Trophy Looks Like Night.’”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Heat coach Pat Riley said in jest he should ‘write a check’ to fans over his team’s poor record, and at times lack of effort. But, if the coach of an 11-48 basketball team writes a check, wouldn’t it bounce?”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “Yes, I’m afraid it’s true, there’s a new online dating service for NASCAR fans. Don’t know what it’s called, but I’m thinking it should be ‘3-Carmony.com.’ Matter of fact, I’m filling out my dating profile right now: ‘I like Greg Biffle, Arnold Ziffle and vinyl siding. Looking for a girl who can rebuild a transmission and skin a deer.’”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Chinese officials are accusing the Dalai Lama of trying to undermine the Beijing Olympics. What’s he planning to do, open a bunch of off-track Tibetting parlors?”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Philip Rabinowitz, who died recently at age 104, once set a record in the 100-meter, uh, dash for men over 100. Rabinowitz hit the tape in 30.86, breaking the old record and four ribs.”

David Thomas, Fort Worth Star-Telegram, after the Seahawks added Julius Jones and T.J. Duckett to a backfield featuring Shaun Alexander and Maurice Morris: “What, are the Seahawks planning on running the wishbone next season?”

MEGAPHONE

“They are down. They are definitely down. Nobody wants to support a product like that. You are losing by 26 or 30 points at home. Why pay good money to come see that? You want to support your team, you want them to win ballgames. You want them to compete.”

Clippers forward Elton Brand, to the Los Angeles Times, while empathizing with fans of that long-suffering team.