The NFL Draft is one of the weirdest spectacles in sports. It’s not exactly a made-for-TV event — guys in suits yammering away and waving their arms — but ESPN and the NFL Network try hard to make it seem fascinating.

Here is what some of our favorite pundits saw over the weekend:

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “With the Redskins’ first-rounder, the Falcons grabbed Southern Cal offensive tackle Sam Baker, son of Arena Football League commissioner David Baker. Makes perfect sense to me. After all, Bud Selig, David Stern, Gary Bettman and Tim Finchem don’t have any kids who are 6-4 5/8, 309 pounds.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “Forget about 330-pound Jake Long. Everybody knows the three biggest entities in (the) NFL draft are: (1) Chris Berman’s ego, (2) John Clayton’s forehead, (3) Mel Kiper’s hair.”

Dan Wetzel, Yahoo! Sports: “Through the years, one of the best parts of the draft is watching the video from the family parties. The legendary bash that LenDale White appeared to be throwing when Tennessee took him remains the stuff of legend. That was a crowd that was enjoying itself. (Joe) Flacco needs to step up his game from I-AA to NFL starter. Even his family and friends wore silly ‘Let’s Go Joe’ t-shirts. Marlo Stanfield will not allow him to represent Baltimore like that.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Only one controversy in the first round: Tampa Bay drafted cornerback Aqib Talib despite reports he tested positive for marijuana. Cannot confirm that when introducing him, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell immediately suspended Talib to beat the rush.”

Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times: “If Jerry Angelo wasn’t an NFL general manager, he’d be a worm farmer. Or an air-duct cleaner. Or a first-base coach. Or a Rockford tour guide. Or a cement-mixer driver. Or Lovie Smith’s hair stylist. You know, something boring that requires little creativity. Saturday, in a draft of immense importance to the Bears, Angelo again hit the snooze button when he needed to bust a move and resurrect his fading football franchise. This is a man whose reputation as an erratic draft-day maneuverer never has been more heavily doubted, yet rather than take chances and excite the nervous masses, he and his minions stuck to a script and chose two players who may or may not make grand impact.”

Sam Farmer, Los Angekes Times: “If there’s a moral to this draft story, it’s this: Mamas, let your babies grow up to be offensive linemen. A record seven of them went in the first round.”

Don Banks, SI.com: “Let me get this straight: the Lions traded two picks to Miami to select Central Florida running back Kevin Smith with the first selection of the draft’s second day, No. 64 overall? I think I’m beginning to understand the draft strategy in Detroit. Whenever possible, you take the best available generically named running back — providing his first name is Kevin. The Lions cut injury-prone veteran running back Kevin Jones (first round, 2004) earlier this offseason and just replaced him with Kevin Smith. What, was Kevin Doe draft ineligible?”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering why every other general manager took a pass on Kyle Lohse during spring training:

• Should the Cards send the Astros a thank-you note for firing them up over the weekend and prodding them out of their slump?
• When, exactly, did Brandon Backe turn into The Terminator on the mound? What’s with the Don Drysdale routine?
• Will Troy Glaus relax now that he has finally gone yard?
• Is there any reason to rush Cesar Izturis back into the starting lineup?
• Now that the Pirates have turned him lose, will Matt Morris use his free time to search for his missing fastball?

ONE GIANT MELON

Chris Long touched on many topics during his first Rams news conference, but he didn’t not address his father’s skull size. But that topic came up recently on Dan Patrick’s syndicated radio show.

Patrick asked Chris about Howie’s hat size.

“I’m going to estimate 8 ¾,” Chris said.

“So I could use your dad’s hat for a beer cooler if I wanted to?” Patrick said.

“You could,” Chris said. “You might have to buy out 7-Eleven’s ice supply.”

MEGAPHONE

“Some of our guys play Madden better than they play on Sundays. And they spend more time talking about playing Madden.”

Retired Packers quarterback Brett Favre, the cover boy on the Madden NFL ’09 video game.