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04.11.2008 7:59 am

Cartman crushed Belichick

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Patriots coach Bill Belichick is struggling to put Spygate to rest. Even the gang at “South Park” is picking on him.

If you like that show – or if you just don’t like Belichick – then you’ll love Cartman’s riff on cheating in a recent episode.

The animated character cited Belichick as a cheater worth emulating: “He’s won three Super Bowls. How? He cheated. He even got caught cheating and nobody cared. Bill Belichick proved in America, it’s OK to cheat, as long as you cheat your way to the top.

“If you cheat and fail, you’re a cheater. If you cheat and succeed, you’re savvy.”

Later, Cartman again cited the Patriots coach while preaching perseverance: “Just before the last Super Bowl, Bill Belichick gathered his football players and said let’s win this one for real… Just this one time. Let’s not cheat. You know what happened? They lost.

“Even if you feel all eyes are upon you, you cannot give up on cheating or else you can lose the biggest game of your lives.”

Thanks to Deadspin for bringing this life lesson to our attention.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Tiger Woods plays catch-up at Augusta, again:

  • How good would the Cards be this season if they could actually build some big innings at the plate?
  • So what was Plan B for the Oklahoma State basketball program?
  • Are the Dolphins really leaning toward selecting Jake Long first overall? Or are their early negotiations with the Michigan tackle just a smokescreen?

RON, DON’T LOOK

Athletes should never read Internet message boards to see what fans think of them. There are a LOT of angry people out there.

So Sacramento Kings officials had to wince when forward Ron Artest had this revelation for the Sacramento Bee: What he sees on message boards will help decide whether to opt out of his contact this summer and become a free agent.

“If I’m going to be in Sacramento, I want to know what the community is thinking about me,” he told the newspaper. “[After] that last game, it was ‘Ron Artest don’t pass the ball,’ and one guy said he didn’t want me in Sacramento, I was like, ‘Wow.’”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Dwyane Wade and other inactive Heat players manned telephones to elicit season-ticket sales during Wednesday’s home loss to New Orleans. Is that what they mean by the Heat phoning it in this season?”

Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “For all intents and purposes, (Barry) Bonds‘ career has vanished into thin air. His home ballpark has had three different names (Pac Bell, SBC and AT&T), but it was mostly considered the House That Barry Built. This season, though, all traces of his dirigible-size head have been erased. Forget about a statue, inside or outside the stadium; there isn’t a plaque, a banner or even a picture. It’s like Bonds never happened. Once upon a time in San Francisco, Barry was up there with the Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, the Dead and the Mitchell Brothers. Now, the Giants do everything short of banning their fans from wearing No. 25 jerseys.”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “Whoa, the Pirates are sticking up their fans for $7.50 for a 16-ounce beer, which works out to about 50 cents a year for the 15 straight years the Pirates have posted losing records.”

Frank Fitzpatrick, Philadelphia Inquirer, on Our Town’s Ryan Howard: “He’s lunging overanxiously at the ball again, displaying more impatience than Larry Bowa at the ballet. Suggestion: Relax, you’re making $10 million.”

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “Braves minor-leaguer Jordan Schafer has been suspended for 50 games by the baseball commissioner’s office after he tested positive for human growth hormone. Suspicions were reportedly aroused when he shattered the dugout bench while practicing the tomahawk chop.”

MEGAPHONE

“He has been a role model, to be honest. I was born within (12) days of Tiger, and I was still working in the pro shop when he was out playing golf. It just gave me a massive buzz to go out and start practicing harder and harder 10 years ago, and it’s nice to be playing golf in the same arena as him right now because you have to test yourself. Everyone out here is being tested.”

Golfer Ian Poulter, on the Tiger Woods Era of golf.

92 comments

Comments are closed.

Thanks to all of you who continue to bash me…even those of you whom post messages at 7pm on a Thursday night. You have proved to me that this isn’t just a blog for people slacking off at work, but it truly is a blog for those with no lives and with nothing better to do than make fun of someone they will never meet. Congrats losers…making fun of me really must be the highlight of your day/night!

— REALITY
8:15 am April 11th, 2008

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

— come on, now
8:30 am April 11th, 2008

Hey Izturis, ever hear the phrase “quit while you’re ahead”? A double and the fans are cheering. Getting thrown out at third on boneheaded baserunning and you’re back in the dog house. Next time take the double. It wasn’t a game deciding play, but seeing as it could have at least tied it at one had he stayed on second, it might have made things more interesting.

— Ryan
9:08 am April 11th, 2008

Will all of the so-called experts in the town shut the Hell up about the “surplus” of pitching the Cardinals have???? When Mulder, Carpenter, Clement, etc., are all on the mound getting major league hitters out, then maybe, just maybe you can talk about this topic…

Hey Izturdus, you have very little value to begin with but even less when you make base running mistakes that a 3rd grader wouldn’t commit….

— S.W.
9:43 am April 11th, 2008

he was waved to 3rd.

— R.C.
9:54 am April 11th, 2008

While I agree with you on both comments, S.W., did you really just call him “Izturdus”? Wow. Might as well just go all the way back to 1st grade and call him Izpoopface.

— Ryan
9:54 am April 11th, 2008

That was, by the way, the best I got! No…really…

— REALITY
10:12 am April 11th, 2008

Miss me bitches?

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

And responding to such tripe is the highlight of yours? Don’t feed the trolls, Reality, and they will die. Remember Re-Pete and Copy Cat? Talk about something sports-related, e.g. the baffling inability of the Cardinals to scratch out anything last night off a starter nobody outside the Giants organization ever heard of.

“How can I reach theez keedz?” Eric Cartmenez

— Re-Pete
10:28 am April 11th, 2008

Why on earth would anyone bring up Re-Pete and Kop Kat?

No worries though, we know its DJ Axeom. That stupid idiot. Remember the kast time he tried to post as Kopy Kat he copied the entire page, including the section where it listed his last post under the name DJ Axeom name. Idiot!

— Huh?
10:40 am April 11th, 2008

What is it with the Cardinals in San Francisco? Do they drop acid and listen to Grateful Dead music all day and night?

— Ten High
11:43 am April 11th, 2008

My Head Coach is on thin ice

— Dale "Chip" Rosenbloom
2:59 pm April 11th, 2008

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3:24 pm April 11th, 2008

Just like in Guitar O’Queero you guys that post and fight on the PD Gorgo board are FAAAGS

— Eric Cartman
4:57 pm April 11th, 2008

The Cubs will win the World Series!

Yeah, I said the exact same thing last fall, 2004, 2003, 1989, 1984, and 1969.

If arrogance doesn’t succeed at first, try try try again.

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8:17 pm April 11th, 2008

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