It’s same old same old for the Cubs.

Carlos Zambrano started their home opener, pitched brilliantly . . . and then left prematurely with a forearm cramp.

Star-crossed hurler Kerry Wood made his debut as the team’s new closer and got tagged for three runs. After the Small Bears rallied to tie the game 3-3, Bob Howry lost the game in 10 innings.

Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti welcomed would-be Cubs hero Kosuke Fukudome to his new life:

“Even on a day when he made headlines, here and abroad, the $48-million import also received his first dose of Cubdom. It wasn’t enough to trash Milwaukee’s bearded, washed-up Eric Gagne, who was rescued when the Brewers nicked Bob Howry for a run in the 10th and won 4-3. Between Howry’s struggle and the botch job of Kerry Wood — I repeat: Carlos Marmol should be the closer, not Wood — the Cubs turned what should have been a historic afternoon into another trademark loss. But then, this is what the Cubs do. This is who the Cubs are. Maybe Fukudome is starting to understand the pain.”

Have we mentioned that the Cubs have now gone 100 years without winning a World Championship? That comes up time and again in Chicago.

“I don’t embrace it,”Cubs manager Lou Piniella told the Chicago Tribune. “How do I view it? I mentioned 100 years because that’s all I hear. It’s not something I came up with, believe me. I don’t know how I view it. I really don’t. It seems rather improbable.

“I mean, that’s a long time. Let’s see if we can do something about it. That’s all we can do — do something about it. We’re going to try our darndest.”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while looking forward to seeing old friend Kip Wells make his Rockies debut:

• Wouldn’t it have been fun to see a Wells-Anthony Reyes showdown at Busch Stadium?
• Are the Royals celebrating their division lead, while they still have the chance?
• Is Kyle Lohse really ready to jump into the rotation? Or are the Cards rushing things?
• Will St. Louis ever see the sun again?

LETTERMAN’S LIST

CBS funnyman David Letterman offered his “Top Ten Signs You’re Watching Too Much NCAA Basketball.” They included:

• At dinner, you make guests tip off for every pork chop.
• You have a tattoo of Jim Nantz where a tattoo of Jim Nantz shouldn’t be.
• You name your child “Gonzaga.”
• You just checked into rehab to kick a $500-a-day nacho cheese addiction.
• Got a 35-second clock in your bedroom.
• Constantly asking, “What would Michigan State coach Tom Izzo do?”
• Snack plus lack of activity equals sweet sixteen chins.
• Kick everybody’s backside in Scrabble by putting “Krzyzewski” in triple word score.
• You watch anything orange and leathery on CBS – even Letterman.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “Blue Jays third baseman Scott Rolen will be out six weeks with a broken middle finger. He says it happened while fielding a ground ball — vehemently denying the obvious speculation he got carried away while saluting ex-manager Tony La Russa.”

Will Leitch, Deadspin, on President Bush’s baseball knowledge: “It kind of creeped us out, actually, that Dubya was so well-versed in the world of baseball; he even knew that Jeff Francoeur had been hit in the face with a pitch in spring training. As cool as we might think it is for our President to love the great game so much, we’re still not sure we feel comfortable with the commander-in-chief having that much free time.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “The baseball season is four days old; do you know what that means? Yep, the Tampa Bay Rays are just a few weeks from being mathematically eliminated.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Jason Taylor advances after his Mambo King performance on Dancing With The Stars, making him officially closer to winning a championship than his Dolphins have been since about 1992.”

David Thomas, Fort Worth Star-Telegram: “The Rangers finished spring training six games above .500. Do we really have to push the reset button now?”

MEGAPHONE

“He’s brought a big bucket of professionalism and accountability that, at this time, this team needs. That’s a good thing.”

Dodgers second baseman Jeff Kent, on new manager Joe Torre.