One great aspect of playoff hockey is all the trash talking. Players chirp at each other incessantly and rip each other to the media.

Sometimes these overly emotional players even rip into themselves. Montreal Canadiens center Tomas Plekanec owned up to his feckless effort during a chat with the Toronto Globe and Mail.

“The last two games, I played like a little girl out there,” he admitted. “I didn’t respond the way I liked.”

(No word on how many little girls called the Canadiens to protest Plekanec’s comments.)

Elsewhere on the playoff front, NBC analyst Mike Milbury angered Washington fans by calling their team the “Crapitals,” perhaps by accident. He also insulted Caps star Alexander Ovechkin.

“If it looks like a dog, barks like a dog,” Milbury sniffed, “it is a dog.”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Cards fans fret over Colby Rasmus’ early slump at Memphis:

• Is Glenn Dorsey passing Chris Long in the Rams first-round pecking order?
• Now that Dick Vitale is in the Basketball Hall of Fame, will the Suns’ Gorilla mascot be next?
• Is there any chance that well-worn Pedro Martinez will actually earn his $11 million salary this year?

HULL OF AN ADDITION

As a player, Brett Hull was always one of the noisiest guys in the room. He is pretty much the same as the co-GM of the Dallas Stars.

“He’s a confident guy,” Stars defenseman Philippe Boucher told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. “He’s loose. He talks to the players. He jokes. He loosened up things at a time when we were an uptight team. It’s good to be around that.”

Yeah, well, until he trades you, that is . . .

LETTERMAN’S LIST

CBS funnyman David Letterman had Trevor Immelman aboard to read his “Top Ten Ways Trevor Immelman’s Life Has Changed Since Winning The Masters.” They included:

• “I have been elevated from ‘Unknown’ to ‘Obscure’.”
• “Thanks to the prize money, I no longer have to buy generic root beer.”
• “Suddenly I don’t look so foolish for trademarking ‘Immelmania.’”
• “President Bush called to congratulate me on winning Wimbledon.”
• “When my caddy recommends a club, I can say, ‘Excuse me, how many Masters have you won?’”
• “Invited to Masters Winners Week on Jeopardy.”
• “I get a lifetime supply of them little pencils.”
• “Guess who’s playing 36 holes with the Pope this weekend?”
• “Get to put my arm around Tiger Woods and say, ‘Maybe next year.’”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times: “He keeps using Dr. Phil words such as “heal” and “recharge” and ‘cleanse,’ as if Cubdom was a cesspool that left him three-showers-a-day dirty. Look, the reason Dusty Baker got fired was because Dusty Baker went bad. He overused Kerry Wood and Mark Prior. He dwelled too much on death threats and race and didn’t have enough fun. He just sat there, limply, and watched a Game 6 fiasco become a Game 7 tragicomedy in 2003.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Kansas is still celebrating its NCAA Tournament triumph . . . while Memphis still can’t believe it blew that big, late lead. As for appropriate jewelry, if Jayhawks players each get a ring, shouldn’t every Tigers player get a choker? (Hey I’m just asking!)”

David Whitley, Orlando Sentinel: “The New York Daily News reports that baseball has established a hotline where players, managers and front-office personnel can anonymously report suspected drug cheats. For information, contact Brian McNamee.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Marion Jones’ 400-meter and 1,600-meter relay teammates from the Sydney Olympics have been asked to give back their medals. Finally, a practical use for the Olympic Torch: Melt down all the repo’d scrap metal.”

Mark Kiszla, Denver Post, on the NHL playoffs: “Minnesota, the land of 10,000 dead car batteries, has an inferiority about this hockey team. The Wild’s style of play is as ugly and obnoxious as the uniforms, which look as if designed by a toddler who randomly pulled two crayons from the box of 64 and began scribbling.”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com, making fun of the Bears again: “Scientists predict a major earthquake will rock California within the next 30 years. So, scientists are giving themselves a 30-year margin of error to be right once. Sounds like Jerry Angelo picking quarterbacks.”

MEGAPHONE

“I loved going to Boston because it was a big challenge, a big challenge that I was able to do. Everything happens for a reason. It was a challenge for me, but it made me a better player. I changed everything (in Boston). Boston never had a player like me. They had Mo Vaughn in the ’90s, but after that nothing like me. I went there and my attitude changed everything. Everybody says Boston is a hard place to play. It’s not hard to play. It’s easy. It depends on what you focus on. There are things you aren’t going to like, but you have to look at the good things. Two championships in a city that hasn’t won in 100 years. How can you not like that? What more could you want?”

Manny Ramirez, chatting it up with the Boston Herald.