Major League Baseball, say hello to Johnny Cueto.

The rookie Reds pitcher made a spectacular debut, striking out 10 batters as Cincinnati edged the Diamondbacks 3-2 Thursday. We saw all those glowing reports about the young Reds hurlers, but 10 strikeouts?

“I’m giddy inside,” Reds manager Dusty Baker told the Cincinnati Enquirer. “I’m excited to hear the guys on the bench talk. They haven’t seen this in a long time. As a matter of fact, they haven’t ever seen it.”

Cueto did not pitch like a 22-year-old. “He knows what he wants to do,” Baker said. “The way he was throwing the ball today has no age.”

Enquirer columnist Paul Daugherty was suitably impressed: “As major-league debuts go, this one ranks with the opening of Carnegie Hall: seven innings, one hit, no walks, 10 strikeouts. Ninety-two pitches, 68 strikes. The man threw 90 mile-an-hour sliders. For the first five of his seven innings, I counted one pitch slower than 86. He was throwing 88 mile-an-hour changeups, kids.”

So maybe, just maybe, the Reds will finally have the pitching to stay in the National League Central race.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while waiting for Skip Schumaker to quit pressing in the leadoff spot:

• So what will oft-arrested Bengals receiver Chris Henry do in his second career?
• Would Brett Favre really un-retire to play for another team?
• Who expected the Royals to sweep the $140 million Tigers to start the season?
• Will Hannu Toivonen ever win another game?
• Who could have possibly guessed that Mike Hampton would start the year on the disabled list?

LETTERMAN’S LIST

CBS funnyman David Letterman offered his “Top Ten Questions On The Application For New York Knicks President.” They included:

• Are you deeply committed to (stinking)?
• Any suggestions for new ways to rip off fans and overpay players?
• Can you promise to deliver New York a winning team within 25 years?
• Are you a cop?
• Can you transform this team from laughingstock to lovable losers?
• Do you mind the circus making the arena smell “Elephanty”?
• Do you have any friends who can play center, power forward, point guard or shooting guard?
• Are you insane?

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel: “Apparently the San Francisco Giants will not be satisfied until they have removed all traces of Barry Bonds from their ballpark. However, there is a rumor that they may keep one Fathead replica for old times’ sake.”

Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “The Yankees aren’t the Yankees anymore. They haven’t won a World Series in eight years; they don’t have the Steinbrenner Mystique anymore; they’re being run by Tommy Boy; they’re tearing down The House That Ruth Built; the Mets are replacing them as New York’s Most Relevant Baseball Team; they’re four years removed from being the first team in the history of the NBA or MLB to blow a 3-0 lead in a series; and as long as Mr. April (A-Rod) is the face of the Yankees, they’re a nonthreat in the playoffs. To be honest, I’m more concerned with the Indians and Tigers at this stage of my life. So there.”

Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “Apparently, West Virginia has two seniors on the Big East’s All-Academic team. How did Bob Huggins ever let that happen? I mean, now that the season is over I expect the coach to put a stop to that stuff.”

Frank Fitzpatrick, Philadelphia Inquirer: “NASCAR note of the week. Congratulations to team owner Jack Roush. When he recently accused an unidentified NASCAR team of ‘intellectual espionage,’ he became the first person ever to use NASCAR and intellectual in the same sentence.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Funny story out of Wausau, Wis. A kid was upset that some friends got suspended from high school sports ‘because of pictures showing them drinking [beer, it was assumed] from red cups,’ according to the Associated Press. So he held a ‘kegger,’ complete with red cups, and attracted such a crowd that police came and gave 90 breath tests. Alas, the poor cops had been punk’d. All that was consumed at the party was a quarter-barrel of 1919 Classic American Draft Root Beer.”

MEGAPHONE

“Last year, I was probably 50 percent fit when I started. I was playing in games I shouldn’t have been and it just sort of went downhill from there. I feel great after two games and my England game, so I ready to get on with it.”

David Beckham, after actually scoring a goal for the Los Angeles Galaxy.