The Chicago Tribune caught White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen in an expansive mood the other day. The Chicago skipper effusively praised Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter.

Here is how the Trib recalled the conversation:

“I keep saying the best [Yankees] player who ever happened—bigger than someone else, but I’m not going to say the name here—is Derek Jeter,” Guillen said.

“Derek Jeter has everything in his life. He’s got money. He’s got rings. He’s got . . .”

(Dramatic pause)

“He’s not married.”

(Writers laugh.)

“At the All-Star Game (in 2006), I looked around to see if he has anything I don’t like,” Guillen said. “No. He’s the perfect man. Too bad I don’t have a daughter.”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering if Brendan Ryan will keep adding life to the Cards offense:

• Isn’t it nice to see the Cards possess a little speed on the base paths for a change?
• Will the Pirates stink forever?
• On the other hand, will this Astros surge make the National League Central one of the toughest in the big leagues for a change?

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “(Matt) Ryan has been a terrific college quarterback. But think about it: Is he any more highly regarded now than David Carr, Ryan Leaf, Rick Mirer, David Klingler, Akili Smith, Joey Harrington, Andre Ware, Tim Couch, Alex Smith, Heath Shuler, Kerry Collins, Cade McNown or Trent Dilfer were in the same time frame? Ryan looked really good against Georgia Tech. He threw a lot of touchdown passes in the ACC. Sorry. I need more. NFL teams have a long inglorious history of overreaching at quarterback. The position is viewed as the quickest fix for a team deemed a pathetic mess. Fans get impatient. Sponsors don’t return calls. Owners get antsy. Media — well, we have our moments.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “NBA owners approved the Sonics’ move to Oklahoma City next season. People in Seattle are so upset they’re ordering double shots in their soy mocha lattes.”

Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “Clay Bennett isn’t just the sneaky owner who wants to move the SuperSonics to Oklahoma City, he’s also the guy who sent this e-mail to NBA Commissioner David Stern: ‘You are among the very few, notwithstanding our relative brief actual physical time together, that have significantly affected my life. I view you as a role model, as an extraordinary gifted executive, a deep and compassionate thinker, and a person with a rare and unique charisma that brings out the best in everyone you touch. You are just one of my favorite people on earth.’ Think it’s safe to say this falls under the definition of man crush. Next time, though, maybe the guy should just take out a personal ad.”

Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel: “I’d like to make a joke about the Dolphins signing OT Jake Long, but I can’t. They couldn’t get rid of the pick and we all would have noticed if they had just not shown up on draft day. Here’s the good news, Fish fans — the only holes left to fill are at quarterback, defensive tackle, defensive end, tight end, cornerback, strong safety, linebacker, wide receiver — and another offensive tackle. They are so close.”

Bill Simmons. ESPN.com: “As a Boston fan, how am I supposed to get fired up during the regular season for a steady stream of Nashville, Columbus, Carolina and Anaheim? It’s insane. It’s illogical. Hockey should never have more than 22 teams, and half those teams should be playing in Canada, where it’s the national sport and the citizens truly care about the game. It’s the only way to bring the sport back — rivalries, bad blood, back-to-back games and everything else — and as soon as they jettison a few franchises and move a few others back to Canada, I could see caring about the league again.”

MEGAPHONE

‘In our own room, when it gets to our pick, with the full 15 minutes they used to give us, we would just sit around. You were just hoping that somebody calls. Otherwise you’d say, ‘OK, let’s just turn it in.’ This way, maybe people will be much quicker with the calls and the trades. So it’ll be good. Fifteen minutes is a long time to sit on your hands.”

49ers coach Mike Nolan, telling the San Francisco Chronicle that he likes having just 10 minutes between first-round picks this year.