The Masters left Tipsheet’s favorite sportswriters scratching their heads. Tiger Woods was oddly mortal, allowing Trevor Immelman, of all people, to cling to his breakthrough victory at windswept Augusta National.

Here is how the pundits saw it:

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “In the illustrious annals of golf, this 72nd Masters will go down in the history books with the 1992 Yeehaw Junction Yip and Yank Member-Guest and the 2004 Goony Golf Pro-Am held at the Tiki Island Volcano Course on International Drive. Green jacket? This Masters was so dull and neutral, the winner should have been awarded a gray sweater. Those weren’t roars echoing across the hallowed grounds of Augusta National Sunday, they were moans. And that massive clicking sound you heard as Trevor Immelman ran away with the tournament Sunday was the nation switching its TV sets to a rerun of America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times: “In one disjointed sense, this truly was a piece of history we should tell the grandkids about. Never before has Tiger Woods been so fantastically presumptuous — and so gloriously wrong. Without prompting from any source but his own inner voices, he had the temerity to suggest that a calendar-year Grand Slam was ‘easily within reason’ for him. I easily can say there was no reason to make that declaration. For it turned out to be a Grand Sham, a flameout before it ever started.”

Gene Wojciechowski, ESPN.com: “Who said no women are members at Augusta National? How about Mother Nature? She had the run of the place Sunday afternoon during the final round of the Masters, otherwise known as The Day Tiger Woods Wanted To Shriek.”

Bill Plaschke, Los Angeles Times, on Tiger’s competition: “On a day like this, the entire golf world grew up a little bit, noticing that Woods is no longer the young star, realizing that his receding hairline and their perfect putts could combine to make his quest for a record six more major championships at least interesting.”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Brandt Snedeker struggles to resume normal breathing:

• Who is this John Bowker and what does he have against the Cardinals?
• Now that Ryan Ludwick and Chris Duncan are dialed in, will teams have to pitch to Albert Pujols?
• Are the Tigers having any second thoughts about that big deal for Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera?
• And speaking of busts, when will Andruw Jones pick it up for the Dodgers?

WHAT A GREAT COUNTRY

Electronics technician Reginald Pickett of Greensboro, N.C., was thrilled to win $100,000 in a fantasy sports competition. The hook? He won a FLW Fantasy Fishing competition.

Yes, Americans now have high-stakes fantasy fishing leagues to enter. “It’s still hard to believe that I won,” he said in a press release. “My wife, Sandra, is still in shock. It’s easy to enter, and it’s fun to play. It makes following the FLW pro bass anglers even that more exciting.”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Mike Lupica, New York Daily News: “Do you suppose that even the money grabbers at the International Olympic Committee are starting to figure out that it’s not going to be quite as easy as they thought to convince the world that China is about as cool a place to live as La Jolla?”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Cardinal coach Ken Whisenhunt was ticked off when photos hit the Internet showing quarterback Matt Leinart in a hot tub with four young women. Leinart smoothed it over with his coach by explaining that those are his tax accountants. Or maybe he called them ‘flotation devices.’”

Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel: “Mavs owner Mark Cuban knows how to deliver a sound byte. On why he’s voting against the Sonics moving to Oklahoma City: ‘My prejudice is against there being a Dust Bowl division.’”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald, on “Dancing with the Stars”: “The Dolphins’ Jason Taylor nailed the Vienna waltz and now seems to be among the favorites, with former Olympic skater Kristi Yamaguchi considered his biggest competition. Cannot confirm Taylor received a note from Tonya Harding offering to take care of the situation.”

T.J. Simers, Los Angeles Times, on Andruw Jones, the struggling Dodgers outfielder: “Jones hit .222 last season, and the Dodgers gave him $36.2 million. What would they have paid him had he hit his weight?”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “The greatest underhyped event in sports is the Frozen Four. So great, in fact, that I was rooting for Notre Dame, and I wouldn’t root for the Irish against the Bubonic Plague. This season’s Notre Dame team has a son of a cement-headed, stick-swinging, foil-wearing, thick-black-glasses-wearing Hanson brother from the greatest movie ever made ‘Slap Shot.’ But ND is not just an ugly face, and in the semifinal against Michigan, a Swede lifted the Irish in overtime.”

Norman Chad, syndicated columnist: “More than 30 world records have been set since the LZR Racer was introduced in February, all but one of them by swimmers wearing the new suit. Reportedly, the Yankees’ Jason Giambi has ordered two — pinstripes for home, gray for the road.”

MEGAPHONE

“I’ve never had Red Bull in my life, but I’ve actually seen people at a bar order Red Bull and vodka. I can’t comprehend that. If I had a couple of those things, I’d be like the malt liquor bull (from the old TV commercials) leaving the bar. My lord.”

Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella, to the Chicago Tribune.