Jim Edmonds has done some nice things for the Cubs since arriving from the recycling bin. The man proved he can still fetch a fly ball, for instance.

Sadly, though, the Small Bears are seeing why the Padres turned him loose.

Jimmy Ballgame went just 2-for-15 at the plate during his first four games for Chicago. And as we all know, nobody looks worse than Edmonds looks while making outs.

Also, we know that few managers have less patience than Cubs skipper Lou Piniella. “We need to see improvement with the bat, to be perfectly honest,” Piniella said Wednesday.

Here is how Chicago Tribune scribe Paul Sullivan put it: “A vintage car is nice to look at, but the lack of hitting by the aging outfielder is testing Piniella’s patience.”

That was a short honeymoon, no?

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering if all those Red Wings old-timers will keep up with Sid the Kid:

• Now that the Celtics have finally lost a playoff home game, is their storybook season over?
• Shouldn’t the Pistons give Tayshaun Prince some extra meal money?
• Who could have possibly guessed that Moises Alou would end up on the disabled list for the Mets?
• How many fantasy baseball experts thought Chipper Jones would be hitting over .400 on the Memorial Day weekend?

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “Sid the Kid, the return of Don Cherry, the old Flyers uniforms, Montreal self-combusting, the four-OT game, Bucci and Barry, Chris Osgood clipping the dude with the butt of his stick, HD telecasts, a Wings-Pens Finals . . . I have to admit, I’m enjoying the NHL playoffs. No, really. I even figured out how to find the games on my cable system and everything.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “Bob Dylan lyric: ‘Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.’ Sort of reminds me of Bill Belichick: Cheat a little and they get you fired; cheat a lot and they call you a genius.”

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “And, in Super Bowl news, the NFL just awarded the 2012 game to Indianapolis and its new retractable-roof venue, Lucas Oil Stadium. As for the TV rights to the game, sources say, it’s down to Fox, NBC and Bill Belichick.”

Frank Fitzpatrick, Philadelphia Inquirer: “Why does the Celtics’ Paul Pierce always look as if he’s about to slap somebody in the face.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “A concerted effort to make over the image of Mike Tyson began with the debut of a sympathetic documentary about him at the Cannes Film Festival. Not all critics liked the movie. I heard that instead of ‘two thumbs up,’ Ebert & Roeper gave it ‘two ears bitten off.’”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “It was a tough week for the Cowboys. One of their former players, Troy Hambrick, was sentenced in Tampa to five years in prison for selling cocaine. I guess when a scout referred Hambrick as ‘a crack running back,’ Troy took it a bit too literally.”

Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “I wish I could’ve seen the look on Bill Parcells’ face when Jason Taylor - part-time football player, full-time dance star - said he hopes he’s known for something other than football in 10 years.”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “The Cubs must do something about the Nos. 4 and 5 spots in the rotation. You look at all the Seans and Jons and Riches the Cubs have tried, and you wonder, how come Sam Zell hasn’t sold naming rights to that spot in the rotation to Lysol? And I’m convinced that the only reason Jason Marquis holds the other spot is because it’s against the law for Piniella to go to the mound and take out the pitcher with an M16 the way he really wants to.”

Jerry Crowe, Los Angeles Times: “If (Mike) Piazza goes into the Hall of Fame the same year as Roger Clemens, hopefully Clemens won’t throw anything at him.”

MEGAPHONE

“He’s one of those guys who’s going to be himself. He’s not worried about pleasing people. He’s going to have fun, and I’ll tell you what, when it’s on the line that man knows what he’s doing. He loves being there and I think it’s a great pickup for Chicago.”

Darin Erstad, endorsing the Edmonds pick-up by the Cubs.