Chris Osgood opened the Stanley Cup Finals by tossing back-to-back shutouts at the explosive Pittsburgh Penguins.

This, of course, is the same Chris Osgood who was rather unspectacular during his stint with the Blues.  This is the same Osgood the Red Wings jettisoned earlier in his career.

What’s going on here?

1. Osgood has been sharp all season, making big saves to save the Red Wings on his second tour with the franchise. He has become one of the best insurance payoffs ever, stepping in capably to replace 900-year-old Dominik Hasek.
2. The Red Wings have playing tremendous team defense. They are so good, in fact, that Penguins coach Michel Therrien accuses them of deploying pre-lockout obstruction tactics.
3. Osgood is doing an awesome job drawing goaltender interference penalties. He initiates contact with Penguins forwards, then goes down as if pole-axed. Never doubt his acting skills.

“I’ll tell you something, I reviewed those plays,” Penguins coach Michel Therrien told reporters after Game 2. “He’s a good actor. He goes to players, and he’s diving.”

Yeah, but he’s also stopping pucks, as Detroit Free-Press columnist Mitch Albom noted:

“Was that Chris Osgood once again playing the spoiler to the celebrated Pittsburgh offense, stopping all 22 shots and upping his playoff legend by getting knocked down in the third period by Ryan Malone, drawing a penalty — and STILL stopping a shot? While lying on his side? What’s next? Ozzie stops one while reading a program? Ozzie stops one while eating a Snickers? Ozzie stops one while still dressing in the locker room?”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while the Boston Celtics try to relocate their jump shots:

• Who knew Pistons forward Antonio McDyess still had it in him?
• Can Mets manager Willie Randolph make the most of his reprieve? Or will Gary Carter keep calling New York, hoping to get his job?
• Is somebody going to alert Central Florida that the Tampa Bay Rays are 11 games over .500? How could that team draw just 12,174 for a Memorial Day game?

GUYS BEING GUYS

Comic Jeff Foxworthy is out beating the drum for his latest book, “How to Really Stink at Golf.” Why do men love this sport so?

“Whether you golf or fish or whatever you do with your buddies, it’s not just what you’re doing when you’re doing it, it’s also who you’re doing it with,” he told the Los Angeles Times. “You end up with great stories at the end of the day. Like the time one of my buddies got sick, ran into the woods and destroyed his golf towel. Ten years ago and we still tell that story. That’s what this is all about.”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Norman Chad, syndicated columnist: “Dolphins cornerback Will Allen is under police investigation for an incident in a Bed Bath & Beyond parking lot that allegedly involved Allen pulling a gun in a dispute over a gambling debt. I am shocked — shocked! — to find that NFL players are shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond.”

Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “All right, I’ll ask: How come it took three seconds to euthanize Eight Belles, but the WNBA is starting Year 12?”

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “UCLA football coach Rick Neuheisel’s five-year contract pays him $250,000 a year in base pay and another $1 million per for personal services, the L.A. Times reported. But incentive bonuses can swell the swag to $1.75 million, insiders say, if Slick Rick can just win nine games, the Pac-10 title and the neighborhood March Madness pool.”

T.J. Simers, Los Angeles Times, on the Lakers-Spurs series: “It’s steaming hot and the only thing this city has going for it is the River Walk — where everyone walks around a winding, polluted river, maybe catching a table by its side for dinner and watching the garbage float by. There’s also the Alamo, named for a rental car company, I believe, but none of it is Boston, and isn’t that what everyone is really waiting for? Maybe if the Lakers were more interesting, a lifetime sentence of three days in San Antonio would be all right. But we already know what’s going to happen. The Lakers are going to win. And then win again.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “The Yankees are sweating about that construction worker, the Red Sox fan who claims he buried many Bosox items while pouring concrete at the new Yankee Stadium, in order to jinx the Yankees. Now Hank Steinbrenner is worried sick because nobody has seen Don Zimmer lately.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Elsewhere in baseball, the players okayed tougher drug rules the other day. The biggest change: When a player hits his 50th homer of the season now, he’ll be met at home plate by a lab technician and presented with a specimen cup.”

MEGAPHONE

“It’s got to be the money. Everybody makes mistakes. I think they think that just because you sign a huge deal here, you’re not human and you’re not going to make a mistake. It’s not fair. But I don’t think it bothers Sori. He just goes about his business.”

Cubs first baseman Derrek Lee, on the rough ride Alfonso Soriano is getting from the North Siders.