Red Wings goaltender Chris Osgood is one of the most harmless-looking, mild-mannered athletes Tipsheet has ever come across.

So even in the heat of playoff hockey, we’re a bit surprised he used the butt end of his stick to pop Stars center Mike Ribeiro near the end of Game 2 of their NHL playoff series.

(On the other hand, we’re not surprised that Ribeiro responded by slashing Ozzy across the chest. That’s hockey. Nor are we surprised that the league took a boys-will-be-boys approach to the mayhem and decided that suspensions were not in order. That’s the NHL.)

Osgood proclaimed his innocence after the incident. “By no means was I trying to hit him in the face with my stick,” he told the Detroit Free-Press.

After Ribeiro retaliated, the Stars felt that Osgood did some acting. “He gets shots harder than my slash,” Ribeiro told reporters. “I think on the moment it looked worse than it really is. If you look at the replay, I don’t think even a player can get hurt with that.”

Red Wings enforcer Darren McCarty disagreed, offering this dim view of the incident: “Gutless. Chicken. That’s not part of the game. To swing your stick like a baseball bat — not only at somebody, but at our goalie — is definitely not acceptable. That’s not what this game is about.”

For the record, Red Wings coach Mike Babcock promised his team would stay on the high road. But he couldn’t speak for the Stars during his chit-chat with reporters.

“If you feel punching somebody in the head after the whistle is going to help you win, that’s what you should do,” Babcock sniffed. “But that’s not the way we go about our business. We’re just about winning.”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering what Ryan Braun has against the Cardinals:

• Just because Albert Pujols took Monday night off, did the rest of his teammates have to follow suit?
• Will the Cards clean up their defense and baserunning during this homestand?
• Is Brett Hull tempted to come out of retirement for his offensively challenged Dallas Stars?

NOT-SO-RAMS TOUGH

Like Sports Illustrated’s on-line gang, the folks at ESPN.com dismiss the Rams chances next season. The Male Sheep ranked 28th in the site’s first power rankings of 2008.

Still, ESPN.com scribe Mike Sando offered a modicum of hope: “Quietly, Jim Haslett has turned the defense into a respectable unit. The Rams could contend for a playoff spot if their offensive line can keep Marc Bulger healthy.”

Looking ahead, ESPN.com already projects the Rams to pick ninth overall in ’09 (not a good sign) and take USC linebacker Ray Maualuga.

Writes NFL Draft guru Todd McShay: “Maualuga is the top senior prospect on my 2009 draft board at this insanely early point in the process, although he wouldn’t be the first senior off the board. I’ve never seen a defensive player take over a game the way Maualuga did versus Illinois in the Rose Bowl, and his recognition skills are clearly catching up with his rare physical tools.”

So Rams fans have that to look forward to . . .

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “O.J. Mayo, USC’s one-and-done hoops wunderkind, received a bevy of improper handouts — including $30,000 in cash, a flat-screen TV for his dorm room, cellphone, clothes and airline tickets — over a four-year period from an L.A. events promoter, former Mayo confidant Louis Johnson alleged on ESPN’s ‘Outside the Lines.’ In other words, O.J. didn’t lead the Trojans in assists last season, after all.”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “First, Reggie Bush. Now, O.J. Mayo. Of course USC is dirty. You can’t become that good or stay that good while clean in college sports. Period. Just can’t. And I’m an SC alum. Sorry, but that’s part of what makes college sports the biggest cesspool we wade into. Truth is truth.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Bears running back Cedric Benson was charged with boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest after being doused with pepper spray and dragged ashore. Oddly enough, Benson has never proved that difficult to take down for NFL defenders.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times, on Matt Walsh’s Patriot tapes: “This has gotta be the biggest disappointment — considering the media build-up — since Geraldo Rivera broke into Al Capone’s vault. At this point, I don’t care if the Pats stole one of the traffic signals on Route 1 in Foxborough, Mass. Could we please turn the page?”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Hasn’t Bill Belichick earned the benefit of the doubt? How do we know he wasn’t filming all those other coaches to steal fashion tips?”

Will Leitch, Deadspin.com: “One of our favorite early-season baseball rituals is the old ‘on-pace-for’ game. Unfortunately, it’s slim pickings this year; no one’s hitting a ton of homers, and there aren’t many individuals completely tearing up the league. (It’s almost as if they’re missing some sort of value-added supplements they’ve had in the past. Theoretically.)”

MEGAPHONE

“Of course everybody knows what we’re doing. Coach has been calling the same plays since 1927.”

Jazz guard Deron Williams, on Jerry Sloan’s obvious-but-effective offense.