Hey, Knicks, we’ve got a guard for you
Over at draftfeinstein.com, you can read about one Washington University student’s dream to play in the NBA . . . or at least mock the draft process.
He filled out the paperwork necessary to become eligible for the NBA Draft as an “early entry.” He got on the list of college students declaring for the draft before the completion of their senior season.
Here is his explanation:
“The short story is that I, Zachary Feinstein, have declared for the 2008 NBA Draft. As a 5′8″ 130 pound Caucasian, I am the perfect candidate for professional basketball. Also, I do not play basketball.
“You see, I am not currently on my college’s basketball team (Division 3 just for reference) nor did I try out to be. I was at no point on my high school’s basketball team nor did I try out to be. I was at no point on my middle school’s basketball team nor did I try out to be. The last time I was on a basketball team was before Bill Clinton got caught with his pants down.
“So there you have it, I, Zach Feinstein, am in the 2008 NBA Draft.”
Zach encourages you to visit his web site and support his effort to become the worst player ever drafted by an NBA team.
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while Cardinal Nation frets over Jason Isringhausen’s blown save problem:
- Do Rams fans believe that Matt Walsh really didn’t have a Super Bowl walk-through tape? Do Rams fans believe that tape disappeared after Walsh got a belated severance package from the Patriots?
- That said, doesn’t Roger Goodell have to spank Bill Belichick again?
- If the Reds decide to finally move Ken Griffey Jr. this summer, will John Mozeliak give his old boss, Walt Jocketty, a call?
- How many fantasy baseball general managers figured Ervin Santana and Joe Saunders each would start the season 6-0 for the Angels?
- On the other hand, will poor Barry Zito (0-7) ever win another game?
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND NASCAR
Dale Earnhardt Jr. took the high road after getting wrecked by Kyle Busch at Richmond. How come?
“I took him out at Kansas last year during the Chase,” Junior told reporters. “That’s really why I wouldn’t be more vocal or angry about it. I’d just be hypocritical in that sense. We’ve both kind of been on each side of it between the two of us.
“Hopefully, once me and him have a chance to talk about it we can come to some kind of understanding to where we don’t ever have to deal with it.”
RONALDO CAN SHOW HIS FACE AGAIN
This Associated Press update brings relief to millions of soccer fans:
“SAO PAULO, Brazil - Cross-dressing prostitutes lied when they accused AC Milan striker Ronaldo of using drugs and having sex with them during a motel encounter last week, police said Tuesday.
“The prostitutes told police they lied because Ronaldo did not want to pay them after finding out they were men, police inspector Carlos Augusto Nogueira said.”
That clears up everything.
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Will Leitch, Deadspin.com: “When future generations study the first decade of the 21st Century, the debate of course will turn to the Great Racehorse Protests of 2008. In the wake of the Eight Belles tragedy at the Kentucky Derby, PETA is bringing all guns to bear on the remaining Triple Crown events; planning protests at the Preakness Stakes in Baltimore next week and the Belmont Stakes in New York in June. Should be lots of fun, with counter-protesting and everything. Hey, wouldn’t it be hilarious if we could somehow manage to run the OIympic Torch through those two locations as well?”
Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “The Bears released Adam Archuleta, the safety who showed that Lovie Smith can’t judge older players any better than he can judge former bunkmates as defensive coordinators. The Bears should’ve done this months ago, but they apparently wanted to be as late on this off the field as Archuleta was on it.”
Dan Daly, Washington Times: “I’ve got no problem with the proposed Congressional Bowl, the postseason college football game that would be played at either RFK Stadium or Nationals Park. But I’ll be disappointed if it isn’t televised on C-SPAN.”
Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times, ripping White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen again: “It isn’t news, of course, that Guillen is the clown doofus of sports, a disgrace to a city, a franchise, intelligent humanity and those of us who must chronicle his arrested-adolescent b.s. to the point of ad nauseum. I’m just wondering how he’s still employed. If this was bad standup comedy, I’d understand why a trashy nightclub might hire him to humor drunks for $5.50 an hour.”
Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “Question: Do divorce attorneys go prospecting for business or do they just wait for women to come to them? Because I’m just wondering how many might be contacting Debbie Clemens. You know. Just in case.”
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Man bites dog! Tyler Hansbrough returns for his senior year at North Carolina! That made them sad in the NBA, sadder at Duke.”
MEGAPHONE
“It was time to refocus. I think it helped me in that aspect. I felt good out there and I’m excited to get back out there in five days.”
Giants pitcher Barry Zito, on getting back into the rotation.
The Cardinals have BIG, BIG trouble if Izzy continues with the inconsistency. It looks like 2006 all over again, one good outing then one bad. The hip must be giving him trouble, which makes sense based on the performance to date. Tony can’t stick with him long term if this is going to be the pattern, especially if he is hurt….
It is only May the 8th and he has three losses, four blown saves and a 6.60 ERA…
A up and down closer could turn a potentially really nice season into a very bad one and quickly…
Thanks for coming, Adam Archuleta…
I know I said last week that I don’t bitch about the Cards…I lied.
First off, why in the hell did Izzy throw about 6 straight fastballs over the course of two batters last night, the last of which drove in the tying and go ahed run down the first base line? I don’t know if LaRussa is calling every pitch (La Rue looked into the dugout before each pitch), or maybe just calling pick offs. It could have been Izzy/La Rue. Either way, SOMEONE called about 6 straight fastballs. I don’t care if you have lost faith in your cutter, you don’t throw six straight speedballs to ML hitters. Maybe Franklin needs to be the closer…
Second, you get a leadoff hit in the ninth. Why didn’t Miles bunt Schumaker to second? Before anyone chirps about the Rockies then walking Pujols, let’s think about this. Whether you have Schumaker on first with one out and Pujols up, or Schumaker on second and Pujols on first and one out, either way the double play is still in order. The difference is that Schumaker is in SCORING position. A single plates him. If Pujols gets a single it will most likely be first and second anyway, so why not let the Rockies do the dirty work for you? It was BAD baseball not to get the runner into scoring position with only one out. We need to stop worrying about what other teams will do to Pujols. An IBB is still another runner on the basepaths. Schumaker on second means a better chance for the pitcher and cathcer to get screwed up because they have to hide their pitch signs. It is also more distracting to the defense to have two guys on base as opposed to one. But, no, we didn’t bunt. How many runners eventually got into scoring position in the ninth? That’s what I thought…stupid!
I spent the night with Reality last night…and that really is the best he got.
What a waste…time to search for another closer.
Gordo must have read my posts about trading for Griffey. Isn’t that plagarism? Call Jock and tell him we’ll give him Dunc and Mulder for Jr.!
Anyway, Izzy has got to find his groove. He keeps going back to the cutter that just hangs there screaming “hit me, hit me”. He’s got a good curve. I don’t know why he doesn’t use it more often. Tough luck for Wainright! The kid has pitched his ass off and he can’t seem to get the wins! S.W. could be right about Izzy’s hip. I remember before last season Dr. Paletta told the team that the hip was eventually going to have to be replaced. He just shaved the bone spurs and it was a temporary fix. He was fine last year, but he didn’t have a lot of save opportunities so he was able to get a lot of rest between outings. This team is going to be in a lot of close games, I just hope Izzy can find himself. Lucky for us he usually does! Blown Saves suck, but if he has to do it, I’d rather it happen in April and May rather than Sept. or Oct.
Izzy is aweful! In 2006, if he didn’t get hurt and Wainright take over, we would have never even got close to winning the series! Trade his ass while he still may be worth something, and bring up Perez. B/c this team isn’t good enough to win with a closer that blows as many games as he saves!
Glad to see the discussion of Izzy on here. The lead story about the game seemed to spend 5 paragraphs blaming Pujols for the loss and one paragraph about how Izzy was also maybe at fault.
Something is wrong with him. Whether it’s his age or his hip, he’s got issues and he needs to be honest about them before he loses the Birds any more games. His cutter isn’t cutting. He’s missed his location on about 90% of the pitches he’s thrown. Something’s wrong and if it isn’t his hip and/or his age, well, it’s his head and maybe some time in the minors would help that. Maybe not. Not sure how that could work. The question is, what do you do with a closer who can’t close?
A lot of people point to Izzy’s saves, but the reality is that a lot of his ’save’ opportunities are self-created when he comes in and manages to put enought men on base to lose the game.
Sorry pf, but a pitcher can’t create his own save opportunity. In order for a pitcher to get a “save” the tying run must be on deck when he enters the game. Your commment is incorrect!
Heres’ the over/under on Chris Duncan:
Over-hyped
Over-played
Under-achiever
Send him to Memphis so we can boost his stats and trade his ass! He hasn’t been sent down since he came up, other than his dad, I don’t see why this hasn’t happened!
Izzy won’t be going anywhere until he gets his 300th save in a Cards uniform. I hope it’s not in September because we’ll be 30 games out. He is a likable guy but age and health issues have obviously caught up to him. Perez is the answer.
I don’t think Walt Jockety took a course in stupid before he went to Cincy. He knows all too well the problems associated with both Duncan and Mulder. He will get more for Griffey and besides, who goes to the bench if he were here?
PF you idiot. You can’t create your own save opportunity. LEAVE NOW!!!!!!
I agree with Drunken Sailor, getting Griffey is a bad idea. Too much money and he gets hurt too often. This isn’t 1999.
All in all, I’m still happy with the Cards, they won another series (though they should have swept) and are looking legit. Izzy is an obvious concern but we really don’t have any other options other than McClellan. They aren’t going to bring up Perez and expose him just yet. Maybe next year.
Not so sure u are not so sure at all…this is a 4 game series with the Rockies and the Birds have not won this series yet…If they win today then they would win the series….
Wow, I’m about half retarded, maybe even a little more than half. Sorry. IF they win the series I’m still happy. Hell, if they split, I won’t fret too much either. That team still won the NL pennant last year. They’re no joke regardless of how this season has started for them.
Still a loyal fan…You’re glad Izzy’s blowing saves in April and May instead of Sept or Oct??? Right, early losses only count half of what late losses do. Well, I’ll grant that most Oct losses are more costly, but I don’t think that’s where you were going with that.
And Sailor’s right, Walt got burned with Mulder once. He’s not stupid enough to do it again. And the Reds sure don’t need another Dunn in the outfield there.
Gregg, I think you misunderstand. Nobody likes to see blown saves, especailly Wainright and the rest of the starter that he’s taken wins away from! I would rather him go through this little hicup at this point in the season when he still has the time to make the necessary adjustments to right the ship, rather than late in the season when they might be competing for a playoff spot, or hell I’ll say it, in the playoffs.
Just thought I’d clear that up for you!
Don’t look now but Lohse is getting shelled again…….
Yeah, that’s my fault. I take total responsibility. I jinxed them earlier by being a bonehead and declaring they won another series. I’m ticked at myself.
Look at me, I’m a little attention whore! I need to declare for the nba draft even though I’m a white midget with no basketball experience because it’s the coolest thing I’ll ever do by a country mile. And other dummies with online print to fill are picking up the story! Sweet!
Griffey: Not only is it not 1999 anymore, it’s not even 2004 anymore. It was a heck of a career, moreso when you consider he might’ve been one of the few “clean” sluggers in the game during that era. But the clock on Junior’s career is about to strike midnight and he’ll just be another pumpkin. We already have one of them. Dave Duncan calls him “son.”