Hey, Knicks, we’ve got a guard for you
Over at draftfeinstein.com, you can read about one Washington University student’s dream to play in the NBA . . . or at least mock the draft process.
He filled out the paperwork necessary to become eligible for the NBA Draft as an “early entry.” He got on the list of college students declaring for the draft before the completion of their senior season.
Here is his explanation:
“The short story is that I, Zachary Feinstein, have declared for the 2008 NBA Draft. As a 5′8″ 130 pound Caucasian, I am the perfect candidate for professional basketball. Also, I do not play basketball.
“You see, I am not currently on my college’s basketball team (Division 3 just for reference) nor did I try out to be. I was at no point on my high school’s basketball team nor did I try out to be. I was at no point on my middle school’s basketball team nor did I try out to be. The last time I was on a basketball team was before Bill Clinton got caught with his pants down.
“So there you have it, I, Zach Feinstein, am in the 2008 NBA Draft.”
Zach encourages you to visit his web site and support his effort to become the worst player ever drafted by an NBA team.
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while Cardinal Nation frets over Jason Isringhausen’s blown save problem:
- Do Rams fans believe that Matt Walsh really didn’t have a Super Bowl walk-through tape? Do Rams fans believe that tape disappeared after Walsh got a belated severance package from the Patriots?
- That said, doesn’t Roger Goodell have to spank Bill Belichick again?
- If the Reds decide to finally move Ken Griffey Jr. this summer, will John Mozeliak give his old boss, Walt Jocketty, a call?
- How many fantasy baseball general managers figured Ervin Santana and Joe Saunders each would start the season 6-0 for the Angels?
- On the other hand, will poor Barry Zito (0-7) ever win another game?
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND NASCAR
Dale Earnhardt Jr. took the high road after getting wrecked by Kyle Busch at Richmond. How come?
“I took him out at Kansas last year during the Chase,” Junior told reporters. “That’s really why I wouldn’t be more vocal or angry about it. I’d just be hypocritical in that sense. We’ve both kind of been on each side of it between the two of us.
“Hopefully, once me and him have a chance to talk about it we can come to some kind of understanding to where we don’t ever have to deal with it.”
RONALDO CAN SHOW HIS FACE AGAIN
This Associated Press update brings relief to millions of soccer fans:
“SAO PAULO, Brazil - Cross-dressing prostitutes lied when they accused AC Milan striker Ronaldo of using drugs and having sex with them during a motel encounter last week, police said Tuesday.
“The prostitutes told police they lied because Ronaldo did not want to pay them after finding out they were men, police inspector Carlos Augusto Nogueira said.”
That clears up everything.
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Will Leitch, Deadspin.com: “When future generations study the first decade of the 21st Century, the debate of course will turn to the Great Racehorse Protests of 2008. In the wake of the Eight Belles tragedy at the Kentucky Derby, PETA is bringing all guns to bear on the remaining Triple Crown events; planning protests at the Preakness Stakes in Baltimore next week and the Belmont Stakes in New York in June. Should be lots of fun, with counter-protesting and everything. Hey, wouldn’t it be hilarious if we could somehow manage to run the OIympic Torch through those two locations as well?”
Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “The Bears released Adam Archuleta, the safety who showed that Lovie Smith can’t judge older players any better than he can judge former bunkmates as defensive coordinators. The Bears should’ve done this months ago, but they apparently wanted to be as late on this off the field as Archuleta was on it.”
Dan Daly, Washington Times: “I’ve got no problem with the proposed Congressional Bowl, the postseason college football game that would be played at either RFK Stadium or Nationals Park. But I’ll be disappointed if it isn’t televised on C-SPAN.”
Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times, ripping White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen again: “It isn’t news, of course, that Guillen is the clown doofus of sports, a disgrace to a city, a franchise, intelligent humanity and those of us who must chronicle his arrested-adolescent b.s. to the point of ad nauseum. I’m just wondering how he’s still employed. If this was bad standup comedy, I’d understand why a trashy nightclub might hire him to humor drunks for $5.50 an hour.”
Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “Question: Do divorce attorneys go prospecting for business or do they just wait for women to come to them? Because I’m just wondering how many might be contacting Debbie Clemens. You know. Just in case.”
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Man bites dog! Tyler Hansbrough returns for his senior year at North Carolina! That made them sad in the NBA, sadder at Duke.”
MEGAPHONE
“It was time to refocus. I think it helped me in that aspect. I felt good out there and I’m excited to get back out there in five days.”
Giants pitcher Barry Zito, on getting back into the rotation.
(1 votes, average: 2 out of 5)
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PF you idiot. You can’t create your own save opportunity. LEAVE NOW!!!!!!