Somebody named Nelson Figueroa, a fill-in pitcher for the Mets, aggravated the Washington Nationals by mocking them through the media.

That’s not a big deal. The Nationals are accustomed to such abuse.

In the process, though, he also ticked off female softball players. Now THAT is a serious offense to Tipsheet.

“They were cheerleading in the dugout like a bunch of softball girls,” Figueroa told the New York Post after getting pounded in a 10-4 loss. “If that’s what a last-place team needs to do to fire themselves up, so be it. They need to show a little more class and professionalism.”

Whoa, there, Nelson. Tipsheet feels obligated to defend the honor of softball players. There are a lot of great ones around here, playing for select teams at high regional and national levels.

Last fall St. Louis-area teams dominated the Missouri Class 4 Championship; Lafayette edged Oakville 1-0 in a classic title game. Girls from these parts play for keeps.

When was the last time Figueroa hurled three or four games in a day, as many softball pitchers have at some point in their careers?

“They won tonight, but in the long run they are still who they are,” Figueroa continued in his anti-Nationals rant. “Even for the manager and the coaching staff to let that stuff carry on, it’s truly unprofessional.”

Yeah, well, we’ll see you later. The Mets designated Figueroa for assignment Tuesday.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering what Annika Sorenstam will do with all her free time next year:

• Chris Carpenter, Mark Mulder, Matt Clement, Josh Kinney, Tyler Johnson, Brad Thompson . . . have the Cards ever had such an illustrious group of simultaneously disabled pitchers?
• Now that Barry Bonds faces 14 counts of perjury (plus one for obstruction), will the players association persist with its collusion investigation?
• Did new Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni keep a straight face when he said “I look at the roster and that’s the roster I’m going to win with”?

THE GREEDY RICH

Tipsheet supposes nobody felt bad for the University of Michigan coach after reading this Associated Press paragraph:

“MORGANTOWN, W. Va. — Former West Virginia football coach Rich Rodriguez says West Virginia Gov. Joe Manchin and three members of the university’s board of governors pressured him into signing a new contract before the start of the 2007 season, even though it had a $4 million buyout clause he didn’t want.”

Yeah, well, you’re a grown-up Rich. You signed the deal. You collected your huge salary after signing the deal. You knew the buyout was there when you jumped to Michigan. And now you must pay it.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Will Leitch, Deadspin.com: “It is rare to find anything that Cubs fans and Cardinals fans agree on. The horror of Jim Edmonds in a Cubs uniform is one of them. This is not going to end well.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “I’m watching Rick Ankiel throw out two runners at third base in one game — from distant center field, no less — and I’m thinking: If only the Cardinals had moved the pitching rubber back to 200 feet for him.”

Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel: “Sergio Garcia and Paul Goydos? The only playoff twosome more improbable at The Players Championship would have been Tiger Woods and John Daly, partly because they weren’t there.”

Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal Constitution: “O.J. Mayo has denied taking gifts at USC. Really, it was more like salary and incentive bonuses.”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “With Roger Clemens as dirty as any Olympian, (Greg) Maddux can make the case as being the greatest pitcher of all-time. First, he’ll probably pass Clemens in wins, but even if he doesn’t he will have come close and done it clean, which means he will have recorded more legit victories in the biggest home run era ever. What’s more, he not only will have done it without drugs, but he also will have done it without a 98 m.p.h. fastball. Just control, location and perfection. The guy’s a pitching savant. Greatest of all-time, you could say.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “David Witthoft, 12, of Ridgefield, Conn., finally changed shirts after wearing the same Brett Favre jersey for 1,581 consecutive days since getting it for Christmas in 2003. Cannot confirm David ended the streak when he began to notice girls and they told him he smelled.”

Mike Lupica, New York Daily News: “Somebody has to explain to me why you’re colluding if you don’t want Barry Bonds and his perjury indictment and more baggage than a 767 coming to your clubhouse.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “The price of gas is hurting attendance at sporting events. But just be thankful they don’t sell gas at the ballpark. Twenty bucks a gallon, that’s ridiculous! I don’t care if it is garlic gas!”

MEGAPHONE

“I want to manage until I’m dead, but in the meanwhile, I get worn down when people keep saying stuff they don’t know. When people say stuff and put me and my ballclub in a bad spot that we shouldn’t (be in), it is a challenge. But you know what? I like a challenge. When I signed the contract to become a manager in Chicago, I knew what I had to face. I know the people of Chicago. But every day is a different day, but some days are tougher than others.”

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, seeking some sympathy in a chat with the Chicago Sun-Times.