The Cubs skipped batting practice Sunday, getting a little extra rest instead. Then they went out and scored nine runs against the Astros.

So Cubs manager Lou Piniella seems ready to ditch batting practice altogether.

“I’m tired of seeing balls flying all over batting practice, and when the damn game starts see very little or nothing,” he told the Chicago Sun-Times after his team lost 2-0 at Arizona Monday night. “So we’ll just go play and hope that’ll get it done. We did it Sunday and it worked.

“We’re going to come out there and just stretch and play. That’s it.”

Why is Piniella so exasperated? His Small Bears are 1-3 on this road trip, having scored a total of two runs in the three losses. They have lost 12 of their last 17 road games.

On Monday night, 900-year-old Randy Johnson shut them down. As a result. another terrific Rich Harden start went to waste.

“Yeah, we hit some balls hard. But we’ve played four games on this road trip here and we’ve scored 1, 1 and 0,” Piniella said. “That’s not going to get it done anywhere, I can tell you that.”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Cardinal Nation frets about the bullpen situation:

• Is it really a good idea to turn Jeremy Shockey loose on Bourbon Street?
• Why has Michelle Wie decided to play against men again? Doesn’t she realize that the PGA Tour also requires players to sign their scorecard after each round?
• Why is the latest U.S. “Dream Team” comprised mostly of small forwards and big guards? Won’t the Americans need some big guys to win the gold?

FEELING SORRY FOR A-ROD

The Rush and Molloy gossip column in the New York Daily News offered up this item:

“He’s been branded as a heartless adulterer, but friends of Alex Rodriguez claim the Yankee slugger is actually an ‘emotionally abused’ husband whose wife, Cynthia, gave him permission to see other women.

“Angry over the lumps he’s been taking in the press, several pals think it’s time we heard his side of the story.

“ ‘Alex has always been into psychotherapy, making himself mentally stronger,’ a longtime confidante tells us. ‘He’s had several therapists. Cynthia has a master’s degree in psychology. Once she found out how vulnerable he was, she got into his head. Several of us begged him not to marry this woman, but he did it anyway.’”

The pals went on to assert that Cynthia Rodriguez, not Madonna, brainwashed the Yankees third baseman.

Life must be tough in the fast lane.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “Nice story, Padraig Harrington and Greg Norman, but sorry, the British Open wasn’t golf. It was moronic. That wasn’t a test of skill. That was a tribute to stupidity. Yeah, I know, purists will tell me how bad weather is all part of the complex game of golf. Well, guess what: The only competition suited for apocalyptic conditions is war.”

Steve Serby, New York Post, on the Giants trading Shockey: “Sometimes the best trades are the ones you don’t make. Repeat? Repeat after me: The Cowboys, Eagles and Redskins just got better. Giants fans will miss Shockey every time the defending Super Bowl champs come out lifeless and flat and a fire is needed inside the stadium, from some wild-eyed madman quivering with emotion. They will miss him every time some unsuspecting defensive back needs Rambo-ing.”

Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times: “He isn’t Butkus. He isn’t Singletary. Which means he isn’t a legend — nor will he ever be. Brian Urlacher is a joystick attacker and tireless maker of TV ads at a time when fast and sleek sells, all the more convenient when he’s the star of middle linebacker theater in Chicago. But to suggest he’s an all-time great is to ignore his performance dips and off-field warts.”

T.J. Simers, Los Angeles Times, on the Diamondbacks: “They don’t have a chance of hanging in this race with the collection of batting practice pitchers they have in their bullpen. If there’s a trade to be made, Arizona better make it, or call it a season. The Diamondbacks have an offense no better than the Dodgers, their only chance for success resting with (Brandon) Webb and Dan Haren. But unless Webb and Haren can come in to relieve for each other, the Diamondbacks are cooked.”

Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel, on Dolphins czar Bill Parcells: “Parcells is interviewed on tonight’s edition of Real Sports on HBO . . . demonstrating once again what a warm, friendly guy he can be. Andrea Kremer plays a tape of when Parcells was at New England. Kicker Matt Bahr vomited and we hear the Big Tuna say: ‘Tell him to throw up on his own time!’ And when asked about it by Kremer, Parcells says: ‘All he had to do is kick. You can throw up and kick. You don’t have to play.’ Actually, I agree.”

MEGAPHONE

“People take it in a different context when I say I want out and I’m not happy. They think, ‘He doesn’t want to be in Cincinnati anymore, he’s dissing us as fans.’ It’s not like that. I love my fans. I wasn’t able to get that point across. They’ve supported me. They’ve been good to me, and I’ve been good to them. I was going through a situation where I felt a change was needed. It didn’t work out. Hey, I’m back. Get ready for the show.”

Bengals receiver Chad Johnson.