Chicago Tribune columnist Rick Morrissey is one of many folks marveling at Kerry Wood’s ability to stay hurt. He wrote:

“To date, the most ridiculous injury Wood has suffered occurred when he said he slipped in a hot tub last year and hurt his chest/rib area. It was the sort of incident that might make a man take stock of his life, as well as of his body soaking choices.

“But what has happened to Wood since just before the All-Star Game has been downright cruel, even by the standards of a pitcher who has a medical file as thick as a Harry Potter novel. He developed a blister on his right index finger. This is Wood, so of course it was the Blister That Wouldn’t Go Away.

“Then it finally did, after about a month. There was relief when the reliever finally saw action Tuesday against Houston.

“But then, just in case Wood wasn’t frustrated enough, he was held out of Friday’s game after complaining of back pain. You almost could see the eyes of the Cubs’ brass rolling.

“If Wood’s history has its way, the feel-good story of the year is going to be in traction by September.”

THE BONDS MARKET

Barry Bonds was back in a Giants uniform top Saturday . . . but only for a ceremony honoring the team’s 50th anniversary in San Francisco.

He joined other franchise legends on the field and gave a little shout out to Dodgers manager Joe Torre.

“I want to thank the Giants for inviting all these great guys,” Bonds said. “It’s weird for me not to be in uniform with the Dodgers right there. You heard me Torre, I beat you before and I can beat you again. I haven’t retired. Thank you.”

No, thank YOU Barry, for all that you have done for Our National Pastime.

As for his non-retirement, there ARE teams looking for offensive help. Houston Chronicle scribe Richard Justice suggested that Bonds could fill in nicely for the injured Carlos Lee to keep that offense viable. Tipsheet is not holding its breath.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Adam Wainwright tries to regain command of his curveball as quickly as humanly possible:

• Will the embarrassed Rams remember the Titans this week as they get back to work at training camp?
• How did the American men lose to Latvia in beach volleyball?
• Who knew that Latvia even had beaches?

THE RAMS ARE NOT SO GOOD

Here is the unfortunate “highlights” of their preseason loss at Tennessee.

TRENDING UP

Public angst over Steven Jackson’s holdout, Michael Phelps, Dwyane Wade and the Redeem Team, Misty May-Treanor, the pressure on Aaron Rodgers, Troy Glaus, Brock Berlin, Brad Penny, Ben Sheets, Cliff Lee, Anthony Reyes, New York Jets, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim,

TRENDING DOWN

Marc Bulger’s preseason passer ranking, the Rams’ rush defense, the Rams’ rush offense, Paul Hamm, Morgan Hamm, Yao Ming, Green Bay Packers, Joba Chamberlain, Jim Edmonds’ favored alumnus status, Carlos Lee, Jose Contreras.

THAT’S JUST MEAN

CBS funnyman David Letterman had this take on Olympic air quality: “Are you excited about the Summer Olympics? Of course, they’re being held in China, in Beijing, and everybody in Beijing already has Olympic fever. Or as it’s also known, bronchial asthma.”

THE VIEW FROM BRITAIN

Barbara Ellen of The Observer is only too willing to rain on Beijing’s parade:

“Is it my imagination or, with the Chinese Olympics barely begun, is everyone already either bored stiff or openly hostile? Every report is about the smog, heat, commercialisation, dope tests, blah. And that’s not even starting on the human rights issues; so bad even President Bush feels entitled to have a go.

Then there’s the great unmentionable — the fact that, whoever the host nation is, the Olympics are always (whisper it) knuckle-chewingly tedious. I keep reading that, this year, there is an estimated global audience of three billion, but who are these people? I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who genuinely cares. Nor can I recall popping around to someone’s house, and being told: ‘Ssh, damn you - the Olympics are on.”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel: “After Barack Obama’s campaign spent $5 million weeks ago on spots during NBC’s coverage of the Olympics, John McCain’s camp coughed up $6 mil at nearly the last moment. It would have been more fun and a lot cheaper if they had just played pingpong for the presidency.”

Pat Forde, ESPN.com, after Michael Phelps got choked up on the medal stand: “Phelps is so routinely amazing, so seemingly immune to any deviation in performance, that you almost forget he’s human. But there was the refreshing reminder during ‘The Star-Spangled Banner.’ With his hair freshly buzzed, his Magnum PI mustache shaven and those watery eyes, he looked younger than his 23 years. He looked like a kid fulfilling a dream. It was nice to see him that way, to be reminded that he’s not just a swimming cyborg.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Topps is issuing two Brett Favre trading cards in its 2008 set - one of Brett poised to receive a shotgun snap (with Vince Lombardi’s face over his left shoulder), the other of him wearing a Packers helmet while riding a lawnmower (a ‘retirement’ card). Now that he’s a reluctant New York Jet, though, Topps should come out with a third card . . . of Favre running the lawnmower over Green Bay GM Ted Thompson.”

Thomas Bonk, Los Angeles Times: “As part of Bill Self’s 10-year deal to continue to coach basketball at the University of Kansas, there’s a ‘retention payment’ of $500,000 due Self every year he stays on. Oh, he also gets 50 free tickets to every home game . . . as if he couldn’t afford them.”

Mike Lupica, New York Daily News: “Tiger Woods says that he’ll know when it’s time to walk away from golf and I have a pretty good idea of when that will be: When he’s old enough to host ‘Larry King Live.’”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Refuting rumors, Dan Marino said he will not appear on Dancing With The Stars. That probably is a wise decision, based on what I recall of 13’s mobility late in his career. I have seen statues in parks with pigeons on their heads move better.”

MEGAPHONE

“I told Eric (Mangini), Day 1, that unless I pass out, I am going to try to do everything that everyone else does. I’m no different aside from being a little gray-headed and a little bit older.”

Brett Favre, after running a penalty lap for bobbling a practice snap.