Tipsheet returned from vacation just in time for another Ozzie Guillen outburst – and the related mayhem, starring the White Sox and Royals.

The fun started when White Sox reliever Hector Carrasco hit Royals batter Miguel Olivo, prompting Olivo to charge the mound. Guillen was outraged that Carrasco got ejected – a mistake the umpiring crew later apologized for.

“Sometimes people have to have a little common sense,” Guillen told reporters. “[I’m] talking about the umpires, not Olivo — but he overreacted.

“You think I’m going to bring somebody in to hit somebody and they’re going to throw a fastball 82 (mph) at the hands? I’m going to bring in my best guy and make sure he gets it done. That’s Major League Baseball. That’s baseball. That’s the baseball I grew up with. Not the (expletive) they play right now.”

As for the Royals . . .

“This time they kicked our (backsides),” Guillen said. “But be ready for the warning because I signed a five-year deal with this club, and we’re going to play Kansas City a lot. I don’t say be careful. They played with fire, and I respect everyone on the pro level. But enough is enough.”

The mercurial White Sox manager admitted that he orders pitchers to hit batters in certain cases. For example, Guillen was tempted to order the plunkball for Royals hitter Mark Teahen.

“When Teahen bunts up by six runs, I didn’t even hit him. I should’ve,” Guillen sniffed. “To teach him a lesson how to play baseball. And I didn’t. That’s why I want Major League Baseball to look at this thing the right way . . . Everybody knows in the dugout Teahen did the wrong thing.”

Well, at least Ozzie is honest. The fans sure appreciate Guillen’s candor, but we’re not sure if Bud Selig enjoyed watching Ozzie’s latest meltdown on SportsCenter again and again.

Here is a recap of the brawl:

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while waiting for Joel Pineiro to get his stuff together:

• How could the Cards waste terrific starts by Braden Looper and Todd Wellemeyer in the same series?
• Wouldn’t a healthy Chris Duncan have been useful Sunday night, as the Cards failed to scratch out one more hit in the eighth or ninth innings?
• So how did Aaron Rodgers feel when Brett Favre got a presidential reception after landing in Green Bay Sunday?
• And how do you suppose this quarterback “competition” will play out in Green Bay?

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Norman Chad, syndicated columnist: “I would’ve thought 200 hours of Olympic TV were sufficient; NBC and its cable networks will have 3,600 hours — 2,900 of them live — over 17 days. You do the math. It also will provide 2,200 live hours of coverage online. I believe my microwave oven will be carrying synchronized swimming most of next week.”

Mike Lupica, New York Daily News, on Manny Ramirez: “After listening to the comments Manny made on his way out of Boston and the ones he made when he got to Hollywood, let’s just put it this way: This is NOT the time for him to start doing the Times crossword in ink.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Rafael Nadal is about to finally overtake Roger Federer for the No. 1 tennis ranking. The watershed is considered a huge victory for Capri pants.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “According to the Associated Press, scientists have discovered a new Jupiter-sized planet orbiting around a distant sun-like star. Or maybe it was just Phil Fulmer looking for a parking spot at Cracker Barrel.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “At the first modern Olympics, the swim events were held in a bay near Athens. The lanes were marked by hollowed-out pumpkins. The water was absurdly cold, 55 degrees, the wind howled and the waves at one point crested at 12 feet. Swimmers jumped out of a boat and swam for their lives as the boats sped back to shore and safety. It got easier four years later in Paris, where the swimming events were held in the Seine River. Records fell, partly because the events were raced in the direction of the current flow. The 100-meter butterfly was won by a sturgeon.”

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “Michael Phelps, seeking an unprecedented eight Olympic gold medals, arrived in China sporting a mustache as a 1972 swim tribute to: A) seven-medal winner Mark Spitz. B) the steroid-enhanced East German women.”

MEGAPHONE

“I don’t hang out with the guys. Never have. I don’t go out drinking, look at porn, have a girlfriend or get divorced — so I’m selfish.”

Dodgers second baseman Jeff Kent, to the Los Angeles Times.