Rams fans are understandably vexed about the team’s quarterback situation, given Marc Bulger’s disappointing preseason performance.

But at least this team has Trent Green prepared to step in, and a spirited battle is underway for the No. 3 slot. Look at some of the other quarterback situations around the NFC:

–The Bears have chosen Kyle Orton over hapless Rex Grossman after one of the least inspiring quarterback competitions in recent NFL history.

“Truth is, everybody will play quarterback this year (Pep Hamilton suits up Nov. 2) because the Bears’ offensive line is expected to be brought up on manslaughter charges,” observed Steve Rosenbloom of ChicagoSports.com. “This is the real problem. I mean, Grossman was flagged for intentional grounding on a play run out of shotgun formation. Out of shotgun formation.”

Here is a reminder of why we love Grossman so:

Yeah, well, you’ve got us there, Rex.

–The 49ers appear to be leaning toward untested J.T. O’Sullivan over Alex Smith — who apparently is NOT impressing new offensive coordinator Mike Martz – and Shaun Hill.

“Mostly, what O’Sullivan did was perform as though he regarded the job as his, the most important requirement of all,” Ray Ratto of the San Francisco Chronicle wrote. “The 49ers have not had that sense from their quarterback since Jeff Garcia’s departure. Their defensive issues have been obvious enough over the last five years, but the offense has been more egregiously substandard. They are the only team in the NFL not to have at least one 300-point season in the last four years, and while there are plenty of reasons for that, we all know where it starts because it is the first place anyone looks when this team is losing.”

–The Falcons might as well go with rookie Matt Ryan, since the alternatives are Chris Redman, Joey Harrington and D.J. Shockley. Ryan will start Friday’s preseason game against the blitz-happy Titans, so we’ll know more about him soon enough.

–Old friend Gus Frerotte is preparing to take over in Minnesota, should Tarvaris Jackson need time to recover from his sprained knee. No wonder the Vikings, like the Bears, coveted Brett Favre so much this summer.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while mourning the demise of the Bowling Hall of Fame:

• Can Joel Pineiro, Todd Wellemeyer and Braden Looper keep buying Adam Wainwright and Chris Carpenter valuable recovery time?
• Wouldn’t this be a great time for Rick Ankiel to catch fire?
• Once the minor league seasons are over, will the Cards promote every healthy pitcher on their 40-man roster?

ANOTHER DEADLY COUGAR ATTACK

Why do hockey players fall for older actress/model types? It has happened yet again, with Los Angeles Kings center Jarret Stoll hooking up with Rachel Hunter – Rod Stewart’s ex.

“He’s my first true love since Rod,” the 38-year-old Hunter said, “and the age difference isn’t an issue.”

BEWARE OF LINDSAY LOHAN

Tipsheet is suddenly concerned about Michael Phelps. See for yourself.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Mike Lupica, New York Daily News: “Bob Costas can’t possibly think Bela Karolyi is that funny. And as for Mrs. Karolyi — you think she ever gets tired of going through life with that lampshade on her head?”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “China also was criticized for using a lip-syncher in the Opening Ceremonies because the girl actually singing wasn’t deemed cute enough. The Chinese girl lip-synching was 9. I believe she went on to win gold in the floor exercise.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “So when do we get the news that Michael Phelps has tested positive for outboard motor oil?”

Jim Caple, ESPN.com: “Frankly, I’m a little disappointed. I was hoping Usain Bolt would showboat a little more at the end of the 100 meters. You know, drop a Leslie Nielsen move from ‘Naked Gun’ and moonwalk the last 10 meters, or perform a little Michael Flatley ‘Riverdance’ routine.”

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “So, why all the rearview shots in Olympic beach volleyball? NBC obviously believes the bottom line is good for the bottom line.”

Nancy Franklin, The New Yorker: “The network offered more hours than had been shown in all previous Summer Olympics combined, and yet, during the first week, only three people were ever seen in prime time: Michael Phelps and the beach-volleyball players Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh. (Stories about Dara Torres, the quadragenarian swimmer and mother of a toddler, abounded before the Games but petered out once Phelpsmania began.) In the four years since I was last forced to watch beach volleyball, I somehow have not found the maturity and wisdom to take it seriously as an Olympic sport, and, frankly, I doubt that NBC takes it seriously, either, except as a ratings grabber. Every time I turned on the TV, there was May-Treanor (the short one) and Walsh (the tall one), in those silly little Victoria’s Ill-Kept Secret outfits.”

MEGAPHONE

“Scoring is scoring, that’s our sport. In other sports, like track and field, it’s all timed and it doesn’t have anything to do with judging. You do your routine and you turn it over to the judges. That’s what we’ve been going through our entire lives and we’ve come to accept it.”

U.S. gymnast Nastia Liukin, after getting cheated out of another gold medal by suspect judging.