ESPN.com columnist Gregg Easterbrook ripped Missouri for arranging the Cupcake Schedule of the Year:

“Not only does Mizzou enjoy a soft sked of eight at home, four away; not only does the school play five of its first six at home; Missouri boldly scheduled three consecutive home dates against cupcakes: Division I-AA Southeast Missouri; Nevada, which lost 52-10 last year at Nebraska and lost 52-21 the year before at Arizona State; and Buffalo, which has 15 total wins since joining Division I-A in 1999. Hand out cupcakes at halftime! Tell the marching band to form a giant cupcake! Missouri has pretenses about top-10 status — but several of its W’s will be garnered via one of the phoniest schedules in college football history.”

Tipsheet can’t argue the point about SEMO, Buffalo and Nevada – schools hired to provide scant competition at Faurot Field — but what about MU’s season opener against No. 20 Illinois?

Clemson is the only other Top 10 team opening the season against a Top 25 foe (Alabama). Playing a tough opponent right away is very, very risky.

Also, Easterbrook didn’t acknowledge that the Illinois game will be played in St. Louis and the Kansas game will be played in Kansas City. These are NOT home games, as all those Illini and Jayhawk fans will demonstrate at the Edward Jones Dome and Arrowhead Stadium respectively.

The Tigers actually have six home games, four road games (including games at Nebraska and Texas) and two neutral site games. That is NOT a phony schedule.

And since the BCS didn’t give Mizzou credit for playing a tougher schedule in ’07 (Rose Bowl-bound Illinois at The Ed, at Mississippi in non-conference play), there is no reason to apologize for the three walkovers at home.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while waiting for the Cards to give Todd Wellemeyer a little help:

• Any chance Major League Baseball will screw up this whole instant replay thing?
• Wasn’t Manny Ramirez supposed to save the Dodgers season?
• Who could have possibly guessed J.D. Drew would end up on the disabled list just as the Red Sox hit the stretch run?

LPGA CRACKS DOWN ON FOREIGNERS

So why is the LPGA Tour demanding that all its players speak passable English by next year?

Deadspin’s AJ Daulerio sums it up: “The move was initiated due to the abundance of South Koreans infiltrating the LPGA (45 total) and some ‘complaints’ from pro-am tournament vendors who became annoyed when the winners would be handed a trophy and a sizable check only to stand their waving and nodding like morons in front of the sponsors. (I’m paraphrasing. Kind of.)”

This doesn’t strike Tipsheet as terribly open-minded of the LPGA.

WHY WE LOVE WILL FERRELL

This has nothing to do with anything current, but here is just one of his many great sports scenes:

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel: “Hard to imagine Warren Sapp on Dancing With The Stars, but what were they thinking when they signed actor Ted McGinley? Are they defying the ‘McGinley Jump the Shark Curse’ even though he was there for the death of Happy Days, Love Boat and Dynasty?”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “All major-league ballparks are in the process of being wired for instant replay. While they are at it, could they please wire Dolphin Stadium for an occasional clutch Marlins hit?”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “Miami’s football team suspended seven players for its opener, including starting quarterback Robert Marve for problems he had with the law last year. The Hurricanes are apparently going old school in building a national champion.”

Joe Posnanski, Kansas City Star: “The Kansas CIty Royals have been battling Pittsburgh for the title of worst team in baseball for more than a decade now. I can, even in my Olympic stupor, tell you about the time Ken Harvey got hit in the back with a relay throw, the time two outfielders started jogging back to the dugout while a pop-up dropped behind them, the time Desi Relaford literally fell off first base, the time the Royals brought in a professional softball pitcher, the time an outfielder ran to the wall and climbed only to watch a fly ball bounce on the warning track in front of him, the time a an outfielder had a pop up hit him in the face when he wasn’t wearing sunglasses then wore sunglasses on the plane ride home, the time Tony Pena Sr. jumped into the shower with his clothes on to inspire the team, the time Tony Muser talked about how the Royals needed to be drinking tequila, the time Buddy Bell batted someone out of order, the time Neifi refused to go into a game and then said he was joking, the time the Royals decided to do away with their tradition of wearing Negro Leagues uniforms for a game because they didn’t want to pay for them … I’m telling you I could go on like this all day and all night and all the next day.”

MEGAPHONE

“I actually ran into Julio in the spring recruiting. I said hello to him. I said, ‘Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you at the end of August.’ And then he got out and got in his Escalade and drove off. That’s serious. And then I went over and watched (Alabama freshman) Burton Scott at Vigor High School at the track over there, and Burton Scott was running around. He went and got in his Escalade out at track practice and drove off. So I’m familiar with those two guys.”

Clemson defensive coordinator Vic Koenning talking about Alabama receiver Julio Jones . . . and the nature of SEC recruiting.