As it turns out, Steve Superior, er, Spurrier isn’t building a college football juggernaut at South Carolina. He isn’t replicating the amazing success he had at Florida.
Some days, in fact, the Gamecocks look more like Spurrier’s dreadful Redskins teams.
Such was the case Thursday night when Vanderbilt upset the No. 24 Gamecocks 24-17. This is the second year in a row the smart kids from Vandy toppled Spurrier’s team.
“Last year’s was just as stunning, and it sort of irritated me that our players tried to say we weren’t ready,” Spurrier said. “We were ready to play, we just got our tails kicked. I’m sure those Vanderbilt players are wondering what kind of excuse the South Carolina guys have now. We don’t have excuses, they just beat us.”
Now it is back to the golf course, er, drawing board for Spurrier as he looks for answers . . .
AN INNOVATIVE NEW RETAIL CONCEPT
In these difficult times, more Americans are pondering the meaning of life. Fortunately, University of Tennessee star Arian Foster appears ready to help.
A philosophy store? How much would a three-month supply of existentialism cost?
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while wondering if the still-punchless Redskins will win any games this season:
- How long will the Rams offensive line remain in one piece this season?
- How many pairs of shoes will be ruined Friday at the muddy BMW Championship?
- Will the new “Ocho Cinco” Bengals jerseys set new merchandise sales records? Aren’t we obligated to buy one?
FIRST AMENDMENT? WHAT FIRST AMENDMENT?
The University of Virginia has banned all fan-made signs at athletic events. The decision apparently dates back to last season, when student had his “Fire Groh” sign (and the subsequent replacement signs) confiscated.
The student was being critical of Al Groh, the not-entirely-successful football coach. This school year, UVA won’t tolerate such disloyalty.
This act drew a critical editorial response from the Lynchburg News & Advance: “If Thomas Jefferson were alive today, he would probably be hiding his face in shame at the recent behavior of officials at the University of Virginia, the school he founded in Charlottesville and based on Enlightment principles.”
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “Tony Romo spent a lot of time with Jessica Simpson these past eight months. Remember how dumb she was on ‘Newlyweds’? I mean, she was historically dumb. I have written before about how unfunny people can learn to become relatively funny just by constantly hanging out with one funny person. Well, when you spend every waking moment with someone who’s historically dumb, do you stop using all of your brain as much? How much of your cerebrum would you need? Twenty percent? Couldn’t you shut the rest down? What if that happened to Romo this spring and summer?”
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Olympic swimming sensation Michael Phelps has eight gold medals, is dating Australian gold-medal swimmer Stephanie Rice, has signed to write his autobiography, will present at the Video Music Awards and will host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. When I was Phelps’ age, I bought a new pair of foam dice for the rear-view mirror of my ‘64 Buick Skylark.”
Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “The name of the Web site says it all: WomenAgainstFantasySports.com. Women jilted by their fantasy sportsmen can purchase T-shirts inscribed with ‘I Thought I Was Your Fantasy,’ or ‘Fantasy Sports Widow.’ Not to mention shorts reading ‘Closed For the Fantasy Season.’”
MEGAPHONE
“I just hate the Dodgers. I love to see them lose. It’s nothing personal with anyone there. You know how some people love the Yankees? I choose to hate the Dodgers.”
Colorado Rockies manager Clint Hurdle.