Remember when Ultimate Fighting Championship star Quinton “Rampage” Jackson led police on a wild car chase? He claims he was out of his mind because:

• He hadn’t slept well in days.
• He hadn’t eaten much, either. He pounded energy drinks instead.
• He watched the spiritual/inspirational movie “The Secret” on his DVD player, over and over again.

The result, the Orange County Register tells us, was not pretty:

Jackson, a former UFC champion who is one of the biggest names in one of the fastest-growing sports, said he also felt there was a spiritual war going on in his mind between God and the devil when he raced down Newport Boulevard on July 15, leaving a wake of rumpled cars, frightened pedestrians and angry police.

He said he thought he was on a mission to save a friend – who had recently lost his faith in God – and was unaware that he had hit any other cars or was being pursued by a phalanx of police cars.

Jackson had loaned a copy of “The Secret” to fellow UFC fighter Brian Talbert. He decided to drive to Talbert’s house to warn his friend to watch the movie all the way to the end . . . or die. According to the Register:

Police say that during the chase Jackson crossed over the center median in his lifted Ford 350 pickup truck, drove up on a sidewalk sending pedestrians leaping out of his way, raced down the wrong side of Newport Boulevard, and ran through several red lights. Jackson was talking on the phone throughout most of the chase, according to witnesses, and seemed to be unaware that for most of the time he was riding on three tires and a rim.

Not good.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering while the Mizzou defense gets back to work on its deep pass coverage:

• Can Josh Kinney and Chris Carpenter restore order to Cardinal bullpen?
• Wasn’t it weird to watch Randy Johnson throw batting practice Monday afternoon?
• Who could have guessed that all those high pitch counts would catch up to Carlos Zambrano?
• Did former Texas A&M coach Dennis Franchione send a get-well card to current coach Mike Sherman?
• What was worse, Sherman losing to Arkansas State in his first game or Rich Rodriguez losing to Utah?

LOGISTICAL MISHAP OF WEEK

Deadspin served up this item:

The Tar Heels football program planned to kick off their season in style yesterday. UNC hired a pair of skydivers to descend from above and deliver the game ball prior to their match-up with McNeese State. Fans and organizers waited in breathless anticipation for their arrival. Only the skydivers never showed. Why? Because they mistakenly dropped into Duke’s Wallace Wade Stadium eight miles down the road.

Surprise!

ESPN MISSED THE BOAT

On the John McCain’s running mate. Internet wise guys rounded up some old Alaska TV footage and added snide commentary:

That was a nice shout-out to Basil McRae, though.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Jeff Passan, Yahoo! Sports: “The $300 million headache has graduated to a migraine. They’re booing Alex Rodriguez at Yankee Stadium again. These are not standard-issue rants, either, from an esteemed group of Chicken Littles and DUIs-in-waiting. Even the sane and sober are giving their vocal cords extended workouts to razz one of the great numbers hoarders of all time, the sort of Bronx jeer reserved for only the most loathsome Yankees. Carl Pavano is more popular right now than A-Rod. Think about that.”

Norman Chad, syndicated columnist: “The Brett Favre thing? Uh, it’s not going to end well. Brett Favre migrating to East Rutherford makes about as much sense as Pope Benedict XVI vacationing at Graceland. In New York, these things never work out. Neil O’Donnell was the last Super Bowl quarterback to journey to the Jets, and I believe he now supervises Tunisian-bound deliveries for Airborne Express.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Adam ‘Don’t Call me Pacman’ Jones was reinstated by commissioner Roger Goodell last week. When he got the word, according to the Dallas Morning News, he was munching on a chicken sandwich at, uh, Hooters. There must have been a waiting line at Applebee’s or something . . .  Going to Hooters for the food is like buying Playboy for the articles.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “This Daunte Culpepper situation is getting beyond ridiculous. Why in the name of J.T. O’Sullivan hasn’t some NFL team signed Culpepper? He’s better than half the quarterbacks on NFL rosters. I still say Culpepper needs to quit representing himself and get an agent. Remember the old saying: ‘He who represents himself has a fool for a client.’”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald, on the Hurricanes: “UM made its debut at Dolphin Stadium by stomping small-school Charleston Southern in preparation for facing fifth-ranked Florida. It was like preparing to swim across the Atlantic by taking a warm bath.”

Tom Coyne, Associated Press: “The last time Notre Dame claimed a national championship [in 1988], this year’s freshman class … wasn’t alive. In 1990, [Irish coach Lou] Holtz recruited five future first-round NFL draft picks in one recruiting class — running back Jerome Bettis, defensive tackle Bryant Young, offensive guard Aaron Taylor, safety Jeff Burris and cornerback Tom Carter. In the 14 drafts since, Notre Dame has had a total of four first-round draft picks.”

Thomas Bonk, Los Angeles Times: “So Major League Baseball’s $65-million ad campaign to publicize the playoffs is called “There’s Only One October.” That’s the best they can do? Like there’s two Septembers or something?”

MEGAPHONE

“What did I see? Nothing. A lot of not executing. A lot of things we expected and hoped didn’t happen but was worried might happen. Just a lack of execution.”

University of Michigan offensive coordinator Calvin McGee, after his team’s season-opening loss to Utah.