Russian high jumper Ivan Ukhov recently finished dead last at the Lausanne, prompting speculation that he was drunk during the competition.

In fact, one Norwegian newspaper speculated that he was under the influence of Red Bull and vodka. That is a harsh allegation, but a plausible explanation for this:

 WORST. BASEBALL. FANS. EVER

The Marlins announced paid attendance of 11,211 for their Wednesday afternoon game against the Atlanta Braves. The Miami Herald tells us the crowd was actually much worse:

Pitcher Joe Nelson and some other Marlins were busy counting fans before Wednesday afternoon’s game against Atlanta.

”We came up with 584 at the first pitch,” Nelson said to some members of the media who had counted 589 at Dolphin Stadium for the first pitch.

”You guys might have been counting ushers,” Nelson joked. “Maybe you guys had a better view.”

SILLY BASEBALL INJURY OF WEEK

The New York Post fills us in:

ST. PETERSBURG - Jason Giambi wishes he had a sexier story to explain the gash on the corner of his right eyelid that cause discoloring and swelling.

“I would like to have something to tell you, something like a fight or anything else,” Giambi said. “But it was nothing like that. I walked into the bathroom door at the hotel and split it open.”

The cut resembled a gash a boxer would get during a fight, but didn’t keep Giambi out of the lineup.

“There was so much blood the maid probably was wondering where the body was hid,” said Giambi, whose third-inning double hiked his RBI total across the past seven games to nine and marked the seventh straight game he has plated at least one run.

WHY WE LOVE OZZIE GUILLEN

The glib White Sox manager actually likes Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia. But it pained him to walk the hot-hitting Pedroia during an earlier 8-2 loss in Boston.

“I never thought I was going to walk a (expletive) jockey,” Guillen told reporters. “Walking a guy who just came from being on top of Big Brown. Right now, he’s on a roll. This guy right now is on fire. No matter what you throw up there, he’s going to get it. I can’t believe you can change professions in one year, go from the Kentucky Derby to the Boston Red Sox ballpark.”

For the record, Pedroia stands 5-7. And the Boston ballpark is known as Fenway Park.