Tipsheet would be remiss if it did not pile on the Chicago Cubs today.

By losing Saturday night in Los Angeles, they took an 0-3 powder in the National League Division Series and continued their epic World Championship drought.

Here is how some of our favorite pundits saw it:

Mike Downey, Chicago Tribune: “Well, thanks for watching, Chicago. Very sorry, Ron Santo. Too bad, Ernie Banks. Looks like it’s Groundhog Day all over again, Bill Murray. We know you’ve seen this before with those huge eyeglasses, Harry Caray, even from way up there where you are. Cubs lose. Been there, done this.”

Gene Wojciechowski, ESPN.com: “It wasn’t a collapse. ‘Collapse’ is too nice a word. A collapse would mean the Chicago Cubs actually showed up for the National League Division Series. It wasn’t a choke. A choke is what happened in 2003, when the Cubs were exactly five outs away from their first World Series in seven decades. A choke is when you blame someone sitting in Section 4, Row 8, Seat 113 of Wrigley Field. No, in some ways this latest Cubs playoff zombie film is worse than 2003’s, and it’s definitely worse than last year’s October three-and-out.”

Bill Plaschke, Los Angeles Times: “Cursed? It’s more like, quit. They have the best record in the National League over 162 games, yet they can’t show up for more than four postseason innings? They score the most runs in the National League during the season, yet they manage just six runs in three postseason games? They allowed the fewest unearned runs in the National League during the season, yet they commit six errors in three games? At times, it seemed the Cubs were trying not to win.”

Rick Telander, Chicago Sun-Times: “The Cubs didn’t just lose the NLDS as if they were in a hurry to start spring training. They lost it dully, totally, ridiculously with four days of play so bad, so uninspired, so stupid that they looked like a stooge team sent in from one of the television studios just over the hill.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Cubs fans are especially sad, having last won a World Series in 1908 and thinking they were destined to break the spell 100 years later. The good news? Cubs are early betting favorites to win it all in 2108.”

The Billy Goat Curse continues. For now, the Small Bears can only wonder what went so horribly wrong.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Nebraska rethinks its defensive game plan against Mizzou:

• What is Ball State doing in the Top 25?
• Is the ’08 NFC West the worst division in the history of the NFL?
• Does O.J. Simpson have a greater appreciation for karma than he did a week ago?
• Has the Texan coaching staff reviewed the concept of “ball security” with Sage Rosenfels?
• Who could have possibly have guessed Lawrence Phillips would end up doing hard time?

KIMBO SLICED

CBS hitched itself to the Kimbo Slice bandwagon, making the former backyard brawler a centerpiece of its mixed-martial arts programming. Trouble is, Slice is a fraud.

His “bout” with Seth Petuzelli lasted 14 seconds. Tipsheet has watched the replay a couple of times and still can’t figure out why Slice went down moments into the “fight” as if pole-axed.

Slice was supposed to fight 900-year-old Ken Shamrock, but the MMA legend pulled out after getting gashed by a pre-fight head butt. Petuzelli stepped in at the last second and, well, maybe there was some confusion over the script.

That, or Slice channeled his inner Sonny Liston.

“I didn’t really feel too, too, too bad about it,” Slice said after the fiasco. “This is an opportunity for everybody to be part of something big. A rising tide lifts all ships. At the beginning of the night, we didn’t know who this guy was. Now everybody knows who he is.”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “There’s a holdup in the Michael Vick bankruptcy case: His legal team is reportedly having trouble tracking down his assets and liabilities. Guess it isn’t just Michael that’s elusive. His money also has escapability.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “I’m not saying Al Davis is living in the past, but he just announced that Daryle Lamonica will be starting at quarterback next week for the Raiders.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: If I’m ever under investigation for a serious crime (for the record, I’m not at present), I want to be investigated by either the NBA or the International Gymnastics Federation (FIG). The NBA, and the investigators it hired, gave referee Scott Foster the good-to-go stamp, even though records show Foster spent an incredible amount of time on the phone with Tim Donaghy. Maybe they were exchanging gardening tips. FIG cleared the Chinese gymnastic federation of charges of trotting out underage female gymnasts to win medals. One of the Chinese gymnasts said on TV that she was 14 (two years under the age limit) when she won a bronze medal in 2004, then later she said she misspoke. Sorry, but I believe most people remember exactly how old they were when they won their first Olympic medal.”

Mike Lupica, New York Daily News: “The Rangers opened up in Prague because apparently the moon was booked.”

MEGAPHONE

“I’ve never seen anything in my life like that. For that to happen, I can’t even remember seeing anything like that growing up. It’s just devastating.”

Texans defensive tackle Mario Williams, after his team’s fourth quarter collapse against the Colts.