You could live in Detroit. Imagine the horror those football fans endure every day.

They can’t remember their last Super Bowl appearance . . . because Detroit has never made it to that stage.

And now, by trading receiver Roy Williams and putting quarterback Jon Kitna on the shelf, this winless team has conceded the rest of its 2008 schedule. Team president Matt Millen is gone and coach Rod Marinelli is a Dead Coach Walking.

Here is how Detroit Free Press columnist Drew Sharp sees the situation:

“Why don’t the Lions just admit what everybody else plainly sees: Their 2009 season officially began Wednesday. It’s all about self-preservation now. Football remains a collective sacrifice, but the Lions are pretty much a collection of individuals now with everybody more interested in covering their own back pockets. It’s all about keeping their jobs, proving their worth to those entrusted with making the organization’s important decisions next season — even if those people currently aren’t Lions employees.”

The bad scene in Motown reaffirms that Chip Rosenbloom did the right thing by giving Jim Haslett the chance to coach the Rams. Rather than play for next year, like the Lions, Rams focused on the remainder of this season.

Ask the Redskins what that means.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering if the Dodgers will pay whatever it takes to keep Manny Ramirez?

• Will the Dodgers also buck up to keep shortstop Rafael Furcal and Derek Lowe off the free agent marketplace?
• How will TV executives mourn the postseason death of the Dodgers and Red Sox?
• How will they pump up interest in the Phillies and Rays?
• Is anybody else tired of those Frank TV promos?

ON THE OTHER HAND

There is lots of good Caliendo stuff out thee, including this:

A RICH PROGRAM STRUGGLES

When Rich Rodriguez walked out West Virginia to take the University of Michigan job, he became a controversial figure in the college sports industry.

His legal battle with his old employer kept him in the headlines – and not in a flattering way.

Then he led the Wolverines to a disastrous 2-4 start, including an inexplicable home-field loss to Toledo.

Just six games into his regime, Rodriguez needed a vote of confidence from athletic director Bill Martin.

“There’s absolutely no question I’m totally supportive of Rich,” Martin told reporters Tuesday. “Was I surprised with the loss last Saturday? Sure I was, no question about it. But I think he’s the right man for this program at this time. You always have to, when you’re sitting in my seat, look at long term. You can’t look at instant gratification.”

Yeah, well, tell that to the boosters.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Mike Downey, Chicago Tribune: “What is humiliation? I mean true, utter humiliation. How low can a team go? For the Cubs and their fans (God be with you), we could be about to find out. Humiliation would be Tampa Bay winning a World Series instead of you. It would be a used Ford Pinto winning the Indy 500. It would be a chimpanzee on a tricycle winning the Tour de France.”

Art Thiel, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, on the Seahawks: “The game began with an unwanted third-string quarterback throwing his first pass to a recovering alcoholic, recently jobless until his emergency hire by the Seahawks, who once fired him. Movies are made of such weeper stories. First downs, however, are not.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “O.J. Simpson is asking for a new trial. Guess I would too, had I just been found guilty on 12 counts including kidnapping and armed robbery. Jose Canseco was detained nine hours at the U.S.-Mexico border after being found in possession of a controlled substance related to steroids. Who would win a sleaze-off? O.J. or Jose?”

MEGAPHONE

“In college basketball, if you get caught cheating, they should shoot you because you’re too dumb to be alive.”

Former college coach Bob Knight, during a WFYI television interview.