After re-signing with the Cubs for a cool $52 million, Ryan Dempster explained why the Small Bears tanked in the playoffs.

“Maybe we underestimated how prepared you have to be, how ready you have to be, especially in a five-game series,” Dempster told the Chicago Tribune. “It’s like a short heavyweight bout. Ding, the bell is ringing, you’ve got to go.”

Nobody pointed that out to the Cubs ahead of time? Apparently not.

“I think sometimes we almost expected it, go out there and play hard and we’re good enough and just expect it to happen, and we’ll win this series and then the next one and all the excitement will happen once we get to the World Series,” Dempster said. “Maybe L.A. was just a little more prepared for us than we were for them.”

Joe Torre appreciates these comments. Lou Piniella? Not so much.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Todd Wellemeyer tries to talk Kerry Wood into joining the Cardinals bullpen:

• Before the Rams wrap up all their losing this season, should they take another look at Brock Berlin?
• It’s great to see Albert Pujols fired up about Our Town’s bid for a MLS team, but does the average sports fan really care?
• Does America rest easier now that Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones has completed his mandated alcohol counseling?

WINNING FRIENDS, INFLUENCING PEOPLE

As the Michigan football team stacks up loss after loss, fans have grown increasingly frustrated with new coach Rich Rodriguez. For the first time since 1974, the Wolverines will be sitting home licking their wounds during bowl season.

So Rodriguez is not so popular right now.

“It’s amazing some of the things that people would say [on a message board] or yell at you of a personal nature,” Rodriguez told reporters Monday. “You almost want to tell them, ‘Get a life.’

“There’s a whole lot bigger problems. Look at the economy.”

THE NEXT STEP FOR THE NHL

Who wouldn’t pay top dollar to watch this?

The bear on the left skates a lot like Lee Norwood.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Chris Dufresne, Los Angeles Times: “No. 1 Alabama coaxed two touchdowns out of its offense, like a kitten from a tree, in a win over 3-7 Mississippi State, Florida embarrassed another so-called quality opponent, Washington remained winless in Seattle and USC picked up another win while moving no closer to national title contention. Associated Press voters, asked Sunday morning to submit ballots, phoned in ‘same as last week’ and rolled over for two more hours’ sleep. Computer operators involved in the Bowl Championship Series standings put their menacing machines on autopilot and went shopping for new pocket protectors. There was more continental drift this weekend than movement in the BCS standings.”

Pat Forde, ESPN.com: “The Atlantic Coast Conference was supposed to be Clemson and a bunch of schmoes. Instead, it’s a bunch of schmoes and a sub-schmo Clemson train wreck. What happened: The Tigers have staggered to a coach-firing 5-5, leaving the league to an indistinguishable muddle of 7-3 and 6-4 teams — one of which will stumble its way into a BCS bowl. Which should assure the ACC of a 10th BCS bowl loss in 11 tries.”

Elliott Harris, Chicago Sun-Times: “Country singer Mindy McCready, Roger Clemens‘ off-field distraction for more than a decade when he was playing baseball, told the New York Daily News, ‘I never wanted to marry Roger Clemens. I wanted him to do right by his family.’ Huh?”

Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “And Mark Cuban probably assumed the Jason Kidd trade would be the low point of his year.”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoTribune.com: “Devin Hester was benched as a kick returner. His stats are worse than Danieal Manning’s. Hester was incapable at wideout against Green Bay. His stats are worse than Rashied Davis‘. So, the greatest weapon the Bears have had since Payton or maybe even Sayers has been taken out of the game and maybe out of a career. Lovie Smith’s work here is done.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Turning to hockey, the Lightning fired Barry Melrose after just 16 games last week. I haven’t checked with the Elias Sports Bureau, but I’m pretty sure it’s the shortest coaching stint in history by a former ESPN analyst. In fact, Melrose makes Buck Showalter look like Connie Mack.”

MEGAPHONE

“Canada has canceled plans to build a national portrait gallery. Yeah, Canada decided to stop building the gallery when they realized that every painting was of Wayne Gretzky.”

NBC funnyman Conan O’Brien.