It’s not easy covering a really bad professional football team. Sometimes a little news conference levity can go a long way.

And sometimes it falls flat. Just ask Lions coach Rod Marinelli, who has been under fire – along with his defensive coordinator (and son-in-law) Joe Barry.

“On a light note,” Detroit News columnist Rob Parker asked Marinelli after Detroit’s 42-7 loss to the Saints, “do you wish your daughter would have married a better defensive coordinator?”

Ouch.

Marinelli didn’t respond to the question, but had this to say the next day: “Anytime you attack my daughter, I’ve got a problem with that . . . It was premeditated. I think there’s something wrong with that.”

Parker offered this peace offering in the newspaper:

“Who knows, Marinelli, a straight shooter who never goes off script, might actually have given us a funny quote. He didn’t. My attempt failed. And because of that, my attempt at humor may have seemed slighted, cruel, and even insensitive. For that, I apologize.”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering if Mizzou can force the Illini to play fast in the Braggin’ Rights game:

• How could a fringe Rams player like Antonio Pittman have the temerity to skip a practice?
• Does Pittman know what jobs in the real world pay these days?
• So who is grumpier heading into the holidays, Andy Murray or Rick Majerus?

DOWN GOES DARBY!

If you missed the highlight, THIS is how you defend the run in the NFL:

Let’s give a shout-out to umpire Garth DeFelice. Now that is how to take a good tackling angle.

PLAXICO BURRESS, KNUCKLEHEAD

Maybe you saw this on the wire:

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP)—Add this to the growing list of Plaxico Burress’ problems: getting in a car crash and not having insurance on his nearly $140,000 Mercedes-Benz.

The suspended New York Giants wide receiver was sued last week in Florida’s Broward County Circuit Court for rear-ending a woman in May.

Compounding the Super Bowl star’s defense, according to a document provided by the woman’s attorney, is the fact his car insurance lapsed three days before the crash. A letter from Allstate says Burress neglected to pay his premiums.

AFTER 10 BEERS, DON’T TRY THIS

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Jason Whitlock, Kansas City Star, explaining why top Chiefs draft pick Glen Dorsey has been a bust: “You don’t draft a 5-foot-11, 300-pound defensive tackle at No. 5 overall, give him $20-plus million in guaranteed money and then ask him to be a run-stuffer lined head-up over a guard. For those of you who know little about line play, it’s the equivalent of the Indianapolis Colts turning Peyton Manning into an option quarterback. If Indianapolis did that, Colts fans would justifiably rush the field and trample Tony Dungy and his offensive coaching staff.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “It’s a shame the Arena League is being forced to shut down for a year. I mean, the NFL was all set to demote the Lions.”

Bill Simmons, ESPN.com, on the expected termination of Browns coach Romeo Crennel: “Why was the decision made that it’s OK to fire your coach within the first two months of the season, but after that, you have to let him suck the life out of your players and your fan base until the bitter end, no matter how depressing those last few weeks might be? Couldn’t the Browns have fun with this? Why not let Browns legend Jim Brown coach the team these last two weeks? Or LeBron? Or Grady Sizemore? Or make Willie McGinest the player-coach? Or, even better, replace Crennel with Art Shell and see whether anyone notices? We need to work on the whole ‘Dead Man Walking’ routine.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “It’s all about heart: CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett say they signed with the Yankees because they want a championship. They made those comments after a workout, swimming laps in a pool filled with 100-dollar bills.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “Auburn fired Tommy Tuberville to hire, um, Gene Chizik? Isn’t that a little like divorcing Jessica Alba to marry Janet Reno?”

MEGAPHONE

“What most people don’t understand is that UFOs are on a cosmic tourist route. That’s why they’re always seen in Arizona, Scotland and New Mexico. Another thing to consider is that all three of those destinations are good places to play golf. So there’s possibly some connection between aliens and golf. I’m pretty sure Tiger Woods is an alien, so that clears that up.”

Alice Cooper, rock star and golfer, in Esquire.