So how does North Carolina NOT win the NCAA Tournament this season?

With Poplar Bluff’s Tyler Hansbrough back for what seems like his ninth season in Chapel Hill, the Tar Heels are heads and (broad) shoulders ahead of the college basketball pack this season.

North Carolina put a 98-63 beating on Michigan State Wednesday night at Ford Field in Detroit. That will be the site of the ’09 Final Four, so Motown got a sneak preview of what the Tar Heels will bring.

“I’ll be back,” Tar Heels coach Roy Williams said, “and I hope my team is with me.”

Yeah, well, don’t worry so much about that. If Hansbrough stays healthy, we’ll see more games like he had against the Spartans: 25 points and 11 rebounds.

“What’s going to beat us? Ourselves. We have all the talent in the world and experience,” Tar Heels guard Wayne Ellington said. “We know what Coach wants and the only thing that could beat us is ourselves.”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while waiting for Rick Majerus to get his offense flowing:

• Can Hal McRae coax a .270 batting average out of Khalil Greene?
• Is everybody else pulling for an Oklahoma-Florida showdown in the BCS Championship Game?
• Why did the Hurricanes bring back former coach Paul Maurice as their new coach?
• Does Carolina GM Jim Rutherford have the world’s smallest Rolodex?

CHRISTMAS CAROLERS BEWARE

Plaxico Burress isn’t the only New York Football Giant who owns a gun. The New York Daily News asked around and got this comment from running back Brandon Jacobs:

“All I will say is in the streets for me, there is no need for it. But if you come in between that door frame of my home, I am going to kill you. Hands down.”

TENNESSEE HIRES KIFFIN, GAINS EYE CANDY

If the BCS formula factored in “hotness of coach’s wife,” then the Vols would have a head start on the No. 1 ranking next season.

WHY KIDS SHOULD STICK TO SOCCER

Bam!

WHY GREG ROBINSON FLOPPED

To win in the Big East, a man must do more than read children’s classics.

Tipsheet hopes you played that video and found it as inspiring as we did.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoTribune.com: “Charlie Weis, with a face like a fist and charisma to match, will return to coach Notre Dame. I believe I speak for every Irish hater when I say thank you, thank you, thank you. If I couldn’t hit last night’s Mega Millions, this is the football equivalent of matching the first five lotto numbers.”

Greg Couch, Chicago Sun-Times: “He has been a colossal flop of a head coach, after maybe the most colossal hype. He has recruited masterfully on his name, which he has mixed into one with the grandness of Notre Dame. The team is filled with good players, yet it loses at home to crummy Syracuse, then gets humiliated by USC. So one more year for Weis, whose aura is gone. Weis now lies naked in front of the world. Maybe I could have painted a better visual. But his failures have stripped away everything that once was thought great about him. And he’s taking Notre Dame down with him.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “When General Motors ended its Buick endorsement deal with Tiger Woods earlier this week, I’m betting Tiger did three fist pumps and exclaimed, ‘Thank God I don’t have to drive that Skylark anymore!’”

Tim Keown, ESPN.com: “So, you’re Al Davis, and you happened to be flipping channels late Monday afternoon when you stumbled upon the news conference for new University of Tennessee football coach Lane Kiffin. You weren’t sure why a local cable channel chose to broadcast the proceedings, but you decided to give it a few minutes to see where it might go. So, just out of curiosity: How happy were you to be included in the list of those Kiffin gave credit for his quick rise up the coaching ranks?”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Malcontent Stephon Marbury was suspended and fined by the Knicks for refusing to play. I don’t wanna say he’s a locker-room cancer, but the AMA is recommending that any team considering acquiring him begin chemotherapy treatments as a precaution.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Boy, the Maryland football team caught a tough break last weekend, didn’t it? It had to play Florida State on one of those rare days when it didn’t have any players suspended.”

MEGAPHONE

“I apologize for offending the great fans of the NHL, the commissioner, my teammates, my coaching staff and the Dallas Stars management and ownership. As many of you know, I like to mix it up on and off the ice from time to time, but understand that this time I took it too far.”

Suspended Stars agitator Sean “Sloppy Seconds” Avery.